Her fingers spasmed twice in quick succession.
Stop. The overthinking and reminiscing has to stop.He lowered his head and closed his eyes. “Lord, we thank you for bringing us all together today. We ask You to bless this food and to lead us in our daily walk with You. Thank you for friends and family and peace that passes all understanding.” Her hand jerked out of his and landed in her lap with a quiet slap of skin on skin.
Was she as affected by his touch or was it the prayer that bothered her?
“How are things?” Sarah asked in the sudden silence.
Mom spooned green beans onto her plate and passed the bowl to him. “Good. Chase is working with a few new horses, but everything is going well.”
“It’s always a bit of a shock when you hit those good patches.” Sarah nodded thoughtfully and added a roll to her plate. “I remember waiting, that breath-holding terror that always came with the good years. Fred called me foolish for anticipating the bad, but it always came. One way or another. Course, God always helped see us through.” She said the last in a low whisper and raised her napkin to blot her eyes. “Sorry.”
“Fred?” Michelle used the tines of her fork to push food around on her plate.
“My late husband.” Sarah sniffed and a watery smile appeared. “He used to give you piggyback rides around the yard.”
He sat back and ate while listening to the stories. Most of them were fond memories he had forgotten to treasure. Funny how they didn’t seem important in the minute day-to-day life but when he looked at the rapt attention on Michelle’s face as she was told things she’d forgotten, he realized that memories were deeply ingrained in all of them. He’d become who he was because of the things that happened in his life.
Who would he be if he suddenly lost all of it? It gave him a newfound respect for Michelle.
“Maybe you’d like to come over sometime and go through our old photos?” Mom tossed the words out like they were not important.
He knew better. Mom never did anything without a reason. And based on the way Sarah gave her a grateful smile, they were both up to something.
The open kitchen/dining room shrank around him. They were too close to each other. So close he smelled her perfume and felt every twitch of her muscles. She crossed her ankles and tucked her feet beneath the chair, sitting forward and propping her elbows on the table.
Sarah and Mom told story after story, reminding each other of long-forgotten details that resurfaced in the retelling. He used to hate sitting and listening to stories about the ‘good old days’ but now he couldn’t turn away.
He shifted away from Michelle and turned his head toward the mantle where pictures of his parents stood tall and proud in silver frames. His father had been a mountain of a man who looked fierce but was gentle as a kitten. He’d laughed big, loved hard, and died suddenly not long after Michelle left.
Loss and longing combined with such savageness that he stood and walked from the room. The voices behind him faded into a dull ringing in his ears. He kept going until he reached the front porch, stopping there to grab the railing in both hands and squeeze. The sharp scent of wood and horses cut through him and washed out the lingering aroma of Michelle’s perfume.
He stared across the yard, taking in the barns and fences while mentally tallying all the tasks he needed to finish tomorrow. It helped pull him away from the past and wishing for things to be different.
But tonight, it didn’t help. Not when her face kept rising behind his eyes.
He clenched his jaw. This wasn’t supposed to be his job again. He’d already done the heartbreak. He’d already let her go. He wasn’t going to get pulled into all that again just because she showed up with no memory.
She wasn’t his to help anymore.
He shook his head, arms tightening across his chest.Someone else can help her. She’s got doctors. Family...
The thoughts hung heavy in his heart. The silence pressed in.
He exhaled hard, the fight draining out of him before it ever had a chance to hold.
I’m not sure I’m strong enough for this.His chest ached with the weight of it.I know I’m not by myself. Please help. Lord, I’m not going to be able to see her and talk to her if I keep feeling this way.
One step forward and two steps back.
The urge to help Michelle reclaim her memories swelled again, stronger this time, crashing through his resistance. He could still see the emptiness in her eyes, the flickers of something trying to surface.
How can he do that without losing his heart all over again?
I have to try. Help me try to help her. She deserves that. No one should lose who they are. The life they’ve lived.
Peace slipped in like the first breeze after a storm, wiping out the tightness in his chest.
The back door creaked.
