I throw him a challenging look, but I can’t meet his gaze.
“What was … ” He shuffles, his chinos making a shuffling sound against the sand. “What was it like?”
Was that curiosity in his voice? Jealousy? Desire? It kills me that I can’t read him like I used to be able to.
“It was … ” I shrug. “It made me forget.”
“Forget what?”
“Everything. Shit with my dad, my ma, being here, never getting out, everything.”
I hear him swallow over the sound of the sea.
“Is that why you did it? To forget?”
“I guess. That was one reason.”
“What’s the other?”
“Because it felt good.”
His breath hitches and my dick twitches. Not Nate. Not this, with him. But I want it. I fucking want it, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
“I’ve only ever been with girls,” he says. “I liked it. But … I’ve thought about you. A lot. But not for a while. And then … now we’ve been spending time together….”
Still?My heart races and I try to still the thoughts rushing to the forefront.
“I watched gay porn yesterday.”
I snort. He’s such a fucking dork. Too innocent. “For the first time?”
“Yeah.”
“How was it?”
“Stupid?” He shrugs. “Hot as fuck.”
“Did you jerk off?” I swallow, heat pooling in the pit of my stomach.
“Yeah.”
When I look at his face, his cheeks are bright red.
“Why’d you come back, Nate?” I ask, more softly this time.
“I told you. I missed you.”
“It can’t be like it was when we were kids.”
“I know that. But maybe it could be … better?”
Nothing could be better than being a kid with Nate. Feeling like you’ll never be alone a second of your life.
I stand up and take my shirt off. The weed’s wearing off properly now and I feel like I wanna crawl out of my skin. Like everything’s too raw and real and too much.
Nate doesn’t move at first and I slip out of my sweats and head down to the water.
It isn’t until I’ve ducked my head under and come back up that he starts to follow. His body in his white Calvin Kleins makes every part of me ache. I’ve never been with someone who looks like Nate before. Never felt like I deserved someone like him.
