He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again before nodding. My heart sinks. Once again, he let it go, just like that. No fighting. I shouldn’t be surprised. I can’t compete with the lifestyle he has now. I don’t even blame him for choosing it over me anymore. I want him to have it. He deserves it. Always has. The other side of all this shit is where he was always supposed to be.
Nate waits until he’s started the car and is pulling out of Frankie’sto ask what he probably came over to ask in the first place.
“You said something happened? In your message, you said you fucked up.”
I swallow, think about telling him to mind his own business, but it feels redundant seeing as I started this.
“I pissed my ma off, it’s not a big deal. I overreacted.”
Nate nods. Swallows. His Adam’s apple bobbing in his smooth throat.
“What did you two argue over?”
“Nothing, she was hassling me, I shouldn’t have lost it with her. I pushed her, I didn’t hurt her but … I should have done it.”
“Evan, you’re grieving, you-”
“It’s fine, alright?”
He takes in a sharp breath and nods. “Okay, if you say so.”
8
NATHAN
After I take Evan back to our old neighborhood, I drive for a while in the opposite direction from the frat house. I should go home and get some sleep, but I’ll just lie there staring at the ceiling and people will be getting up soon. Putting the blender on to make smoothies. Arguing over who gets the best shower. I just can’t face it right now.
What did he mean I ‘screwed him over?’ I know I messed up back then. My stupidity got us both into trouble and Evan got most of the blame, like always. But how was that my fault? He told me not to say anything. I was just doing what he told me to do. I wanted to remind him of that, but it felt wrong. With everything that’s happened to him since I left, it didn’t feel right to argue.
Sitting with Evan in Frankie’s up to that point … it felt like old times. Except there was this ghost between us. And worst of all, Evan was like a ghost too. Something’s missing in him. That mischief andlifehe had when we were growing up. My stomach drops when I consider the possibility that it’s gone forever.
I pull the SUV into an empty parking lot and take a nap until a security guard taps on the window and tells me I can’t sleep here.
When I check the time on my dashboard, it’s almost 9am.Shit.
I drive as fast as I can back to the house to get my tennis bag. No one’s home when I get there—everyone’s already at classes or practice. I haven’t even had time to change my clothes or take a shower.
When I get to the tennis center, everyone’s already out on the courts, warming up. I rush into the locker room and change into my tennis clothes. Only looking up from lacing my shoes to find Coach Sanchez standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.
“You’re late, Nathan.”
“I know, I’m sorry Coach. It won’t happen again.”
He’s still watching me carefully after I’ve laced my shoes up and grabbed my racket out of my bag.
“Is something going on?”
My neck flushes. “Like what?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “You’ve never been late to practice before. And you look like hell. Is there something I should be worried about? Is there something you need to talk to someone about?”
“No, Coach.”
He looks me over again. “You look like you’ve been out all night. Were you drinking?”
“Of course not. I just slept through my alarm.”
He nods, but I can see he doesn’t believe me.
