Everything is so much bigger now.
As tears sting my eyes, I take a shaky breath. “It is best for Candora,” I whisper. “Aligning with Grimstad gives both sides of my country a voice in a way they’ve never had before, and I do not have the knowledge to know what the majority of my people need. Not the way he does. More than that, I have wanted to be queen my whole life, and I am terrified that uniting with Grimstad is the only way that will happen.”
“Okay,” Derek says, calmer now. He reaches up and brushes a tear from my cheek, at the same time lifting my head so I meet his eyes. “Those are all good reasons, Freya. Except that last one.”
I laugh mournfully. “You are far too optimistic for your own good, Derek Riley.”
He snickers. “You know that’s not true. I’m being realistic. I’ve seen the polls as well as you have, and you pulled to the lead in a matter of days.”
“That was before the debate,” I argue glumly. “Before the assassination attempt. What do the polls say now?”
He frowns. “I don’t know, actually. I haven’t had a chance to get online for a couple of days. Janie’s been rearranging things so I could get here sooner.”
Derek’s most recent assistant is very good at what she does, but sometimes I wonder if he relies on her more than he should. “You could have come when you were supposed to.”
The flat look he gives me brings a bit of light to my heavy heart. “Freya,” he chides, “you needed someone to talk to, and Elliot wasn’t going to cut it. I couldn’t leave you stuck here with only your brothers for company while you deal with all of this.”
“My brothers have actually been really great,” I say with a brief smile.
Derek lifts an eyebrow. “The rogue and the spy? That’s surprising.”
Which one is which?
“Anyway.” He squeezes my hand, giving me a stern look. “Tell me why you would choosenotto marry Grimstad.” He says the word ‘marry’ like it tastes bitter, which is strange coming from him. Those who truly know Derek know that he wants a life partner more than anyone. But maybe that is why he thinks accepting Grimstad’s offer may not be a good decision. To Derek, marriage is not something to take lightly.
I have never taken anything more seriously.
“Well,” I say with a bit more snap in my tone than I intend, “you already know one of my biggest reasons to decline.”
His mouth twists into a smirk that reminds me so much of Elliot that it almost hurts to see. At what point did things switch to Elliot being more familiar than Derek? “Yeah, I do,” he says. “Grimstad’s a politician.”
I whack his shoulder. “Iam a politician, Derek!”
“Exactly. I know how frustrating you people can be.”
“I don’t know whyHot Scoopthinks you’re so perfect when you are nothing but annoying.”
Something dark flashes across Derek’s eyes, but his smile does not falter, so maybe I imagined it. “Annoying? That’s nice of you to say to the guy who’s here to help you make a decision.”
“You have not hidden your opinion on the subject,” I grumble. “You don’t want me to marry him.”
“No, I don’t, but it’s not my choice to make.” His smile fades to something more serious, and he shifts in his seat to face me. “Freya, why have you really not given Grimstad an answer yet?”
I would rather not voice it out loud. “You already know.”
“Why?”
“Derek.”
“I need you to say it.”
“Because I am falling in love with Elliot.” I exhale, any strength I might have had leaving with my breath. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Derek purses his lips in sympathy. “I wanted you to be honest with yourself. But…” He grimaces.
I sigh. “You rarely hold your tongue with me, Derek. Don’t do it now.”
“He’s been a good influence on you, hasn’t he?”
