I can stomach the idea of being around Freya without being able to love her the way I want to, as long as she’s safe and happy. But if she chooses Grimstad, how can I stay? Stand behind her while he stands at her side, his hand in hers. His lips on her lips. Him giving her an heir…
I might throw up.
“Elliot.”
“Hmm?”
“You look like you’re spiraling.”
“Pretty much.”
“Talk to me.”
Sighing, I run a hand through my hair but pause when I remember Derek did the same thing a minute ago.Brothers. Is it any wonder why I’m falling apart? This is too much. “I don’t know what to do, and I hate that. I’m supposed to be the one with the plan. And the backup to the backup plan. But this? I don’t… If she were anyone else, I would tell her to marry the guy. Secure her throne however she has to because she’s the best person for the job but the people might not know that.”
“But she’s Freya,” Derek says.
I nod. “The thought of her marrying him is killing me.” That’s putting it lightly. “I can’t give her an alternative, so I can’t ask her to say no. But I want her to.”
“What will you do if she accepts him?”
My phone feels heavy in my pocket, almost as heavy as Freya’s phone on the other side with its looming message from Grimstad. I got another batch of texts from my old team this morning. Half of them congratulated me on helping prevent an assassination. The other half told me it meant it was time for me to come home. If I don’t take the chance now, the Army will fill the open spot with someone else, and I don’t think I can learn to vibe with another ODA if I go back later.
It’s now or never.
“I’m not meant for a quiet life,” I mutter, mostly to myself. “And I can’t watch her fall in love with someone else.”
My future depends on Freya and the decision she makes tonight. I’ll be in agony either way, but at least one path will mean I get to see her.
“Hey.” Derek nudges his shoulder into mine. “Whatever happens, I’m here for you. So are my friends, if you need them.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Your friends, the celebrities?”
The joke doesn’t get quite the same reaction from Derek as it does from Freya. He rolls his eyes rather than laughing. “I’m a celebrity too, you know.”
Faking a gasp, I run my eyes over the casual clothes he’s wearing as if trying to see something that isn’t there. “You? Really? I find that hard to believe.”
With another eye roll, he pulls his phone from his pocket and starts for the stairs. “Tell that to the three quarters of the world who are in love with me. I should go make some phone calls before the ball and get to the bottom of thisHot Scoopmess. Keep your phone on you in case I need you.”
“Hey.” I stop him before he gets to the door to the spiral staircase, but suddenly I’m nervous to say what’s on my tongue. “Uh. My life is kind of imploding right now, but I’m glad I have you in my family. In whatever way.”
He smiles, some of the underlying stress melting from his features. There’s still plenty of it left. “Me too.”
I’m jumping to conclusions, but I can’t tell if he’s saying he’s equally glad we’re family or if he’s telling me his life is also imploding. I’ll have to ask him later. Right now, I need to work up the motivation to tell Freya that Grimstad wants to talk to her, even though I’d rather keep them away from each other as long as I can.
More than anything, I want to be nearby when she talks to him. Just in case.
Someone has to look after her heart if things go wrong, and it might as well be me until I have to leave.
It’s my job, after all.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Freya
WhenIfinallygetmy first glimpse of Elliot coming toward me from the other end of the corridor, it feels like the world suddenly comes into focus. Even more so when he smiles, like everything was shifted a few millimeters until that smile put it all right again. He is alone, and though I wonder where Derek is, I can hardly concentrate on anything but the fact that, while escorting me in my search for Elliot, my two guards stopped on the other side of the doors to the family wing to speak to Gregor.
Which means I am also very much alone.
