Much like Mary’s life.
“Her last name was Moss. Mary Moss,” Phil tells me. “I read the obituary online.”
I nod, unable to speak.
“Do you want me to tell you more?”
“Yes.”
“She was a schoolteacher. He’s a fireman. They were planning a summer wedding.”
“Were you…” The rest of my question is unasked, but unnecessary.
“No, they weren’t using us to run their wedding, but we’ve already made calls to all of their vendors. Every single one is returning their deposits. One refused, but we handled it.”
“Of course you did,” I exhale.
“Of all things, it was for the stupid cake. Like they were out any money. Corinna had a fit.” Phil’s change of tone tells me he’s about to let loose one of his famous rampages.
“Calm yourself, honey,” I whisper gently.
Phil inhales a deep breath. “Right. As I was saying, they were a sweet love that ended up with a beautiful baby.” Phil looks down at the gravesite sadly. “He’ll always have that living piece of her.”
“Yeah, he will.” I send up a silent prayer that nothing ever happens to that precious baby girl.
Phil kisses my cheek before sliding the bouquet into my hand. “I’ll be by the car. Take all the time you need.”
I stand there as Phil moves away to wait for me to do something I’ve never done before.
Say goodbye to a patient I’ve lost at their final resting place.
I clear my throat. “Hi, Mary. I’m Jason. We didn’t really know each other for more than a few moments. I think we’d both like a do-over.” My head drops. God, was there something I could have done differently? Could I have saved this young mother?
“You deserved to see your little girl grow up, Mary,” I barely manage to choke out. “You deserved to see her crawl, walk, and talk. You deserved to see her dance in the flowers and dance at her wedding. You deserved to see her open presents at Christmas.” I swipe at the tears flowing from my eyes. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more for both of you—for all of you,” I amend, thinking of the pain in Joseph Bianco’s eyes. “All I can do is wish you peace.” Bending down, I lay the fresh bouquet I know my husband spent hours on because of its importance to me. Straightening, I feel a whisper of cold wash through me, taking away my feelings of guilt.
While my remorse will never go away, I can’t continue to feel guilty for something I didn’t do. I wasn’t the person who hit Mary Moss at such a speed. I didn’t take her life. I offered all I could do to help save her for this life.
It was out of my hands and now in God’s.
Clouds shift and the path back toward my husband is bathed in golden moonlight. I walk along that golden path to the warm arms waiting for me.
I’m ready to go home to finish my healing there.
6
“Merry Christmas!” is shouted at me from all directions as Phil and I enter the barn for the first time. I grin from ear-to-ear. How could I not when the first person I see is dressed in an elf hat, striped tights, and cutoff jean shorts? Not to mention, red, white, and green tie-dyed Chucks?
And that’s just what Corinna has on.
The Freemans are notorious for being a little crazy when they’re all together. Add in the spirit of the holiday season, and the great room of the barn looks like a Christmas superstore vomited all over the place. Garland and lights are strung from the high beams, bouncing sparkling light everywhere. The massive Christmas tree we decorated right after Thanksgiving stands tall and proud near the windows overlooking the lake. The smells of coffee, hot chocolate, and hot cider permeate the air as well as Corinna’s decadent cinnamon rolls, making my mouth water. And that’s only the first of the delicious things we’ll be eating throughout the day.
I lower my armful of bags and wrapped packages to the floor just as a body crashes into me. Holly gives me a massive hug. “Merry Christmas, Jace. I can’t wait to give you your gift.”
I laugh. Even though the Secret Santa draws were supposed to be secret, everyone knows who everyone else has. I drew Em, which was actually a challenge. I wanted to get her something meaningful, so I enlisted Cassidy’s help. I think she’s going to love it. “You can torture me about my gift in a few more minutes,” I joke. “Let me go get more presents out of the car.”
“There’s no need,” I hear from behind me. I see Keene and Caleb struggling with the package containing Phil’s white elephant entry while my husband strolls in with his perfectly decorated shopping bags. “You take it easy, Jason. We’ll help Phil unload,” Keene announces rushing out the door.
I have to admit I’m surprised—until Ali snorts out a laugh on my other side. “He was fine until we all started belting The Waitresses and shaking it, Jace. Then I think he started to panic because I knew every word.” Ali rubs her hand over her barely noticeable baby bump. “Since we found out she’s a girl, he keeps looking at our antics like I can pass them down through the placenta. If you could take him aside and reassure him of that, I’d appreciate that more than anything you might have bought me.” She leans over to brush her lips against my cheek, then skips off to help Corinna in the kitchen.
