“No, I don’t know much about what I feel most of the time. The past was horrible, but I don’t think about it much. It’s like it’s shrouded or something.”
I sighed. “Well, if it ever gets weird or I don’t say the right thing, let me know. I really like you, Kaden, and I don’t wanna fuck up just ‘cause I’m ignorant.”
He rolled me over on my back and climbed on top of me. “You won’t fuck it up. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
I leaned up and kissed him. The man was truly hot as hell.
Chapter twenty-two
Kaden
Iwasonlypartiallyhonest with Lysander. I wasn’t used to people caring about me. It was good, but unnerving. When I came into my dorm room, and he all but attacked me, I was waiting for him to yell at me or be upset or break up, or something.
I wouldn’t have guessed he’d missed me. Of course, I figured that out pretty quickly as he savored my body.
I had been honest about the memories of my past. I’d put those away, shelved them in a place far from my mind’s reach. The man who’d pretended to be my therapist at the group home had told me that was bad, that the memories would come back to get me and cause me to explode one day, but I knew if I had those memories front and center in my mind, that was what would cause me to explode.
They were my past. Something I couldn’t do anything about, so it didn’t do any good fixating on them. Move forward. That was what I had to do. And after spending time with Dr. Fagan, I realized just how important it was never to be in a compromised position again. He’d told me that the first day I was there, after he and the men had all but drowned me. I was a bomb that could destroy everything in my path. Self-control was the mechanism that kept that bomb in check.
Childhood trauma, memories of the hell I went through and witnessed other kids go through, and the thought that someone could do that to me again were the biggest threats I faced when it came to self-control.
Lysander settled down on my chest and quickly fell asleep. I was still surprised at how different sex felt with him. When he touched me, my body responded in incredible ways. Not the horror I’d always associated with it.
Having him snuggled up against me made me feel protective. But deeper than that, it made me feel hopeful. That was a lot scarier than anything I’d ever experienced before. People like me didn’t harbor hope. Hope made you vulnerable. A small green shoot sticking out of a concrete sidewalk for someone to stomp into smithereens. But as he lay next to me, that was the feeling I had.
For the life of me, I couldn’t push that little green shoot back below the ground. I wanted what this life could be. I wanted what I could be with Lysander more than I was afraid. I knew I was being stupid, and it was probably just a matter of time before someone stomped me down, maybe even Lysander himself. But I still couldn’t get myself to pull back. Now that I somewhat trusted Dr. Fagan, maybe I’d have a chat with him about what it would mean if I ever got hurt. Would that make me dangerous or someone to fear?
Chapter twenty-three
Lysander
HavingKadenbackatschool was amazing. We had a new teacher in the second-year Practicum course. Elana Efferent was a Master Elemental with the rare Fire skill combined with Air. She readily confessed to us on day one that her ability with Air was seriously limited, and she used that skill to enhance her elemental Fire skills.
The benefit was that she could let me practice absorbing her Air powers, and they didn’t set me up to die. Also, Kaden could see someone with two elemental powers who integrated them effectively.
None of us were under the illusion that we mattered as much as Kaden. No, Elana had come to teach our classforKaden. None of us said that to him, but since I spent a good deal of time with him outside class, I knew he’d come to the same conclusion.
Kaden was special. Dr. Aynesworth was afraid of him, but the school had to be getting some serious kudos for having a Quadripartite as a student. In our Elemental 101 class, we’d been told Kaden was the first to be discovered.
He was remarkable to watch. In Practicum, he’d begun working on each element separately. He’d used some of his Water powers while he’d been away, but Elana had him build them and use them in tedious ways.
“This goes for everyone in class,” she said as Kaden was forced to move a drop of water from the front of the lab to the back and then drop it through a tiny hole in the side of a beaker. “Moving large amounts with your skill is like using gross motor skills. It’s easier to run around willy-nilly than to walk a balance beam. Watch as Kaden focuses on the small drop. He has to keep the intention firmly in his mind or the drop will fall.”
Kaden got to the edge of the table where the beaker sat, and the drop fell. He exhaled and collapsed into a chair next to the lab table.
“That was good, Kaden,” Elana said, smiling. “Rest a bit, then try it again. The rest of you look through the notes I gave you when you came in and begin practicing using your powers' finer skills.”
She came over and sat across from me. “I had to think about how to use your skills in this exercise, and to be honest, I’m not one hundred percent sure this will work. But if you can learn to siphon off small amounts of energy instead of trying to take in the other Supe’s power, it could prove useful. So, your job is to practice taking only a small part of my Air power. Just a small amount, we’ll begin with causing my heavy breeze to reduce to a gentle flow.”
In the end, I could do it, but damn, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I could take all the Air energy from her, no problem, but trying to siphon it slowly or partially. That was intense.
“Damn,” I said to Kaden as we sat in the student lounge, waiting for Kyle and Kaylee to finish their classes. “I’m exhausted. Thank God that’s the last class of the day.”
Kaden nodded, but didn’t respond. “You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, but it’s strange. The more focused I am on one of my powers, the more the rest of them want to come out. It was like fighting everything in me to stay focused. Does that make sense?”
“Sort of. It’s not that way for me, it’s more difficult. Do you think you should mention it to Elana?”
