‘It is not.’
‘Why is that?’ she asked, like it were perfectly normal for her to be sitting in his rooms, all alone after the rest of the house was abed.
He paced in front of her, wishing he had left something out after all, something he could tidy away to occupy his hands. For want of something better to do, he straightened the chair at his desk; it was already in a perfect line, so then he had to move itback to its original position immediately. ‘I have told you before about living with my aunt.’
‘Yes. She sounds like a vile woman.’
‘She was. She had us all on edge. I thought if I kept things clean and tidy I would somehow avoid punishment. It is a habit I have not been able to break, no matter that it has been over ten years since I lived with her.’ He brushed some non-existent dust off a shelf near him. ‘I have found it helps to keep my mind clear if there is no clutter.’
‘You would not enjoy my room then. I am not a sloven, but I tend to leave books I am reading about the place.’
He pretended to shudder, even though he would not be thinking of mess should he ever find himself in her bedroom. ‘It does not bear thinking about,’ he teased. ‘Also, you read more than one book at a time? What sort of heathen are you?’
‘One that is easily bored, I am afraid. Emily keeps lending me history books, assuring me, despite prior evidence to the contrary, that each one will transport me to long-forgotten lands. Mostly they send me to sleep.’
Edward laughed, tension seeping from his shoulders. ‘Yes, she does seem to have a passion for books others find beyond tedious.’
They lapsed into silence. She fidgeted with her dress, smoothing her hands over it. A true gentleman would ask her what she was doing here. No, a true gentleman would not have let her enter the room in the first place, but as he wanted to be alone with her whenever possible, he was not going to ask her to leave.
‘I…’ she began. ‘I wanted to do something for you, but now I am sitting here, I think I have been too presumptuous.’
She fell silent again as his mind whirled with possibilities. He scrunched his eyes shut, as the more lurid thoughts came to mind, reminding himself she was innocent and, even if she wasn’t, he was not going to take things as far as his body craved. He rubbed his thumb over his mouth, the gesture grounding him. ‘What was it?’ he asked.
‘You said at dinner, and you have mentioned it a few times, that you have trouble sleeping. And over the last few days I have noticed the purple shadows under your eyes have become darker.’
‘I am finding it harder than normal to fall asleep.’
She cleared her throat, smoothed her dress again and then looked him square in the eye. ‘I want to help you. I think I can.’
‘How?’
‘Ah,’ she said, standing abruptly. ‘It seems very foolish now I am here. You are a grown man, only…’
‘Only?’
‘You sounded so bleak at dinner and I thought this might be a way to repay some of the kindness you have shown me. I have had some success, well, lots of success really. It’s never failed, and I had this bright idea I could help you, but it’s laughable really because… because as I said, you are a grown man.’
It would help if she sent all her suitors away and asked him to kiss her again. That would be the biggest help of all, but he did not say that. ‘I go through periods where I do not sleep well. The more tired I become, the worse the problem. I do not understand it. You would think my body would want to switch off but no…’
‘Then perhaps we could try…’ She waved her hand in a circular motion like the gesture explained what she meant.
‘I am willing to attempt anything at this stage.’
She nodded briskly. ‘Good. Fine. Let us try it then.’ She clasped her hands in front of herself and looked at him as if expecting him to do something.
‘Try what exactly?’
‘Oh, right, of course.’ Colour flooded her skin, sending her a deep red. The urge to rest his cheek against hers was almost overwhelming. ‘You need to be ready for bed.’
‘What?’ That distracted him from his unwanted thoughts.
‘You cannot sleep standing there.’
‘Well, we certainly cannot be in my bedroom together.’
Something about that made her flinch, but he wasn’t sure whether it was what he said or the sharpness of his delivery.
‘I am not trying to seduce you. The kissing was not a trend I was hoping to continue in order to somehow trick you into marriage.’
