Emily smoothed her hand over her stomach, a soft smile on her face. ‘For someone so tiny, this baby is making its presence known. I am both full and exhausted. I would never have believed watching you try on dresses while I sat down and then ate lunch would make me feel I could sleep for a week, but they have. I would love to go through those boxes in your cupboard with you one more time, but I am afraid I must retire to my roomfor a while.’ Emily pulled a face. ‘I am not being a very good hostess, am I?’
‘You have been wonderful,’ Kate reassured her, wishing there was some way she could truly express how much Emily’s friendship meant to her. She hadn’t expected it, had thought the countess would lose interest in her once she realised they had nothing in common, but she had been wrong in every respect. ‘I thought I was here to be your companion, so I am at your beck and call, not the other way around.’
Emily’s lips twisted guiltily, her eyes dropping to the table, where she fiddled with the edge of her plate. ‘You do realise Freddie was only saying such things so you would agree to come and live here? Edward really wanted your brother to work for him and they both knew he never would if you were not safe and settled. I am glad for it, because I like you very much indeed, but you must not feel obliged to spend any time with me at all, not if you do not want to.’
Kate had suspected Emily Dashworth did not really need her company. She and her husband were besotted with one another and spent much of their time together when Emily wasn’t sleeping and probably even when she was. Freddie always looked thrilled to see his wife, even when they had been apart for only a few hours. Kate had been left alone enough times to confirm her theory, but she wasn’t sure how she felt hearing it said out loud. Now she knew for sure she was here under false pretences.
‘You are not cross, are you?’ asked Emily, pushing herself upright, her forehead creasing. ‘As soon as Freddie met you, he thought you would be great company for us all and he was right. You fit in with us very well indeed.’
Emily was so sweet, it was impossible to be angry with her for the deception, but the boxes in her wardrobe and the dressesthat were coming her way were bought on false pretences; she had done nothing to earn them. Besides, it had been Emily’s husband who had lied initially, not her. ‘Of course I am not upset.’ She was a little bit. ‘Not only that, you have said to treat the house as my own enough times that you must also stop thinking of yourself as my hostess. I am quite content to entertain myself.’ If only she could think of more things to do to occupy her time. Charlotte had a nurse and four uncles who adored her. The only thing Kate had to do was work with the little girl on her speech, but she only spent about half an hour a day doing that; the rest of the time Charlotte’s day was busier than her own.
‘You are absolutely correct. I shall not worry about you so long as you promise to forgive Freddie for misrepresenting the situation.’
‘There is nothing to forgive.’ She might feel a little foolish, but that was on her, not on the friendly countess.
Heaving herself to her feet, Emily made far more drama out of getting up than her small bump warranted. ‘I shall see you at dinner, although I do not know if I will be very hungry or able to eat another thing.’
The two women said goodbye and Kate was plunged into silence. The room was huge and lonely once more. There were several books piled on a dressing table; she could read those, but to do so she would have to stay in these rooms and she did not want that. She could go to the music room and practise the pianoforte again, but Edward may be in the room and she tried to ration the amount of time she spent with him to avoid her infatuation growing into something more. Normally, she used the pianoforte before breakfast when she was sure everyone else was still sleeping, not having picked up the aristocratic way of rising late. It left her plenty of time to blunder her way throughthe notes and yet she still hadn’t made a noise that sounded remotely harmonious. Perhaps she never would.
The remnants of their lunch still covered her table. Even though the two of them had eaten their fill, there was still more food left than she and Simon had eaten in a week when they had lived in their lodgings. An idea hovered at the edge of her conscious and before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed her carry bag from her wardrobe and quickly filled it with bread, fruit and cake.
In the weeks during which she had lived at Glanmore House, she’d only left the place while accompanied by someone else and that had not happened often. Half expecting someone to stop her leaving or to question her about her destination, she glanced over her shoulder, but no one was watching the front door and the large hallway was empty. Unsure why she was acting like the Dashworths were her captors, she resisted the urge to ask for permission to leave. Somehow it was still strange to step outside without telling anyone what she was doing.
Slipping out into the crisp, fresh air, she stared up at the expanse of blue sky. The rainy weather had finally subsided, giving way to the late autumnal warmth. In her new, thickly lined coat, Kate was deliciously warm as she set off, away from the rich houses of aristocratic London towards her previous home.
The streets of the old district were dirtier than she remembered, or perhaps she was becoming used to the pristine halls of Glanmore House, where it was unremarkable to come across someone cleaning an already spotless floor or mantlepiece. It was as if the servants believed that seeing a speck of dust would cause mortal offence to one of the Dashworth family and yet she had never seen any of them speak curtly to a member of the staff or even issue an order.
She had noticed Edward liked things to be just so, whether that was because his trait was obvious or whether it was because she was always noticing him, she was not sure. He rarely sat still for more than a few minutes, always straightening edges or making sure things were in their proper place. But she had never heard him tell a servant to do it for him and Jane had never said a bad word against him or anyone in the Dashworth family. Kate took care not to mention Edward’s name too often to her maid; she did not want her small infatuation to become a source of gossip below stairs, although she knew servants saw everything.
It didn’t seem to matter how much she avoided looking in his direction, she kept noticing the way his dark eyes reflected his mood, how they glinted with laughter when talking to his brothers, softened when they looked at his niece and went distant when there was something on his mind, something he never talked about but which seemed to haunt him. When they were together, it almost seemed like it was only the two of them in the world. After any show of closeness, he would pull back and she would not see him for a few days, even though she was fairly sure he was still in the house. His mercurial moods helped her remember all the reasons her soft spot for him should not develop any further.
Turning down her old street, she stepped over a pile of sodden blankets, the smell coming from them turning her stomach. It made her sick to think Young Pete and his little brother, Silas, lived here and that there was nothing she could do to make it better for them. Except for today; today she could give them full bellies.
Her knock on their front door was answered by Young Pete, whose eyes lit up when he saw her. ‘Miss Hornel,’ he said. ‘You came back.’
‘I said I would.’
He glanced over his shoulder, down towards the back of the house, which Kate could not see into. ‘Ma isn’t well. You can’t come in.’
His mother liked gin, liked it so much that’s where most of her money went, money that should have been spent on her sons. Emily doubted very much the woman was ill, but she probably wasn’t in a fit state to see anyone nonetheless. She wouldn’t press; she never did. Young Pete had his pride and she didn’t blame him. Her brother and she were the same, for all it had got them.
‘I am sorry to hear your mother is indisposed, Pete. Shall we get your brother and walk down to the river? I have a treat for you both.’
‘Silas would love to. He’s been asking for you. He’s too young to understand why you had to go.’
Kate’s heart clenched and she realised how like a silly little girl she had been since she had moved in with the Dashworth family. Mooning after one of the handsome brothers like a lovesick calf was ridiculous when this was real life; the lives of these two boys and others like them were what mattered. As Pete shouted for Silas she made herself a promise. If there was a way she could use the money she was saving while living at Glanmore House to help these two boys, then she would find it.
Chapter Sixteen
Kate fiddled with the silver chain around her neck, watching the goings-on in the room in front of her. Freddie was clearing a space in the centre of the Blue Lounge, as Emily pointed to where she wanted things to go. Edward was sitting at a pianoforte Kate had not previously noticed, probably because it was the same colour as everything else and blended in with the room’s other contents. She wondered if someone had made the instrument specifically for this room or whether the family had painted it to fit in with the rest of the decor. She had never seen one such a startling colour before.
Edward was shuffling through sheets of music, his back to her. He’d stood when she’d entered but had only glanced at her briefly before turning away again. It was like their times together had never happened. As if they had not sat next to each other in the music room when the pads of his fingers had run over the skin of her hand. Or they had never knelt together on the floor of this room, him reassuring her the spilt tea was fine. In those moments she almost believed he felt the same intense connection as her, but now one could almost believe they werestrangers. It was only the heavy thud of her heart when she looked at him that gave her away to herself.
Walking to the sideboard, she ruffled the pages of a newspaper, pretending to read the front page in great detail. It was for the best that Edward had gone back to avoiding her. She had been evading all mention of dance practice, because she did not want to put herself in a situation where she might have to stand in his arms, knowing that would give rise to a whole host of new fantasies that would taunt her with their unlikeliness.
Besides, her visit with Young Pete last week had reminded her of where she came from. She was a governess and not a wealthy one. When all this was over, and unless she could think of another plan, she would have to go back to her previous life. There would be no more fruit tartlets and boxes of unworn bonnets in her cupboards. There would be no giggling with the countess or stolen moments with a dark-haired handsome man.
This visit to the Dashworth world was only ever going to be a brief interlude in her, hopefully, long life. Enjoying it while it lasted, making some lasting memories, she must always keep in mind that it would all come to an end. The interactions she had with Edward were to be savoured, but she would not pine for him; that was pointless when they would never be more than friends at best.
