“I am happy, Mahlia,” I countered.
“I knoooow,” she groaned, “but you need some peen in your life. A big, thick one, friend.”
I snickered. “I’m good on that for now, too. I just want to focus on Ermias.”
Ermias’ father and I were together for three years, and then I got pregnant with Ermias. When we came home from the hospital, I found out he had gotten another woman pregnant because she was waiting for Delion on our doorstep. I went into depression for a month, and I went to stay with my parents so they could help me with my newborn. One day, I was holding my son, and out of the blue, he smiled at me. It was the cutest thing, and from that day on, I shook back. I realized that I had to be strong for him, and no one was going to love me like he did. Delion and I co-parented, but that was where our relationship ended.
Mahlia quieted down for a second, chewing on the inside of her cheek like she was thinking hard.
“I get it,” she finally said. “And I respect the hell out of you for how you bounced back. Emias is the happiest lil’ boy I’ve ever seen, and that’s because ofyou.
I gave her a small smile, my fingers absentmindedly twisting in my bundles.
“But,” she added, cocking her head, causing me to groan because I should have known better, “just promise me you won’t block your blessings, alright? You don’t gotta be out here searching, but don’t shut the whole world out either. Love might sneak up on you when you least expect it.”
I rolled my eyes, but I wasn’t fully dismissing Mahlia either. I’d been focused on being a mama and healing, so I hadn’t eventhought about dating. And to be honest, the idea of trusting somebody again? Terrifying.
“If it sneaks up, it better be ready to work overtime,” I muttered.
Mahlia snorted, “Girl, you sound like you’re hiring a man, not looking for one.”
I shrugged. “Again, I’m not looking for one, Mahlia. I need a man who I can have around Ermias, too, eventually. Not just good pipe.”
Mahlia’s head dipped to the side. “Yeaaah, I agree with you on that.”
“You just… You deserve to be wild again, E. Just for a little bit. Not reckless like pre-Ermias you, but like…emotionally reckless. Take risks. Not my kind of risks ‘cause you know how I get down.” Mahlia stuck her tongue out, leaned over, and bounced her ass.
I snickered with a shake of my head. “What if I allow someone to come in and they wreck me worse than Delion did?”
Mahlia’s smile faded, and for once, she didn’t have a clever comeback. “Then we piece you back together. Like we did before, friend, only this time, you’ll know it’s possible.”
Mahlia wasn’t wrong. I had survived the worst already…betrayal and heartbreak. And yet, here I was.
Still standing.
Still healing.
Still loving my baby with everything in me. He deserved a strong mama. Hehasa strong mama.
“I’ll think about it,” I said softly.
Satisfied with my response, Mahlia nodded. “That’s all I ask. E. Just don’t shut the door before he knocks.”
Humming softly, I gathered the scattered crayons from the floor and dropped them into the plastic bin. The gentle ache behind my left eye pulsed, but I ignored it.
The smell of lemon cleaner wafted through the air as I wiped down Ermias’ play table, moving slower than usual. My depth perception was a little off today, the shadows heavier on my left side. I missed a spot twice before finally scrubbing it clean. I had my bad days.
Behind me, I heard the soft shuffle of feet and the faint jingle of something metal, probably the junk drawer in the kitchen.
“Mommy?” Ermias’s little voice floated in, muffled as if he had something in his mouth.
“Hmm?” I answered, groaning from the ache in my knees as I stood up from the floor. When I rounded the corner to the kitchen, Ermias stood near the trash can, clutching one of the kitchen tongs.
“Why didn’t you come get me? I am here to help because I am strong.”
I blinked. Something in my chest twisted and unraveled all at once.
“Yes,” I exhaled, palming my forehead. “How could I forget? I could use some strong around here.”
