“You’re always going to love him because it’s always been him,” Chris continues.
I could lie again. Deny it and tell him he’s being paranoid. But tears begin to trail down my cheeks and I know the game is up. Chris slowly turns towards me.
He looks like a person who’s battled with something for a long, long time and finally come to accept defeat. His expression is solemn resignation.
“Dan, I don’t want to be your second choice. I deserve more than that.”
Standing, I wipe at my tears. “I’m so sorry, Chris. I don’t think there’s anything I can say to fix this. My behaviour is unforgiveable, and you don’t deserve any of this. You probably won’t believe me, but Idolove you.”
Chris steps closer, our eyes meeting in mutual sorrow. “I know you do, but you’rein lovewith him. I’ve thought about this a lot, and for quite a long time, and I think it would be best if we separate.”
I nod, the lump in my throat too thick and painful to swallow. “I understand. I’ll pack a bag, then. We can talk more when you’re ready.”
Chris shakes his head. “I don’t think talking will change anything. I just need some space to process. I don’t have the energy to argue, and I don’t want you to convince me we should try and work it out. My mind’s made up.”
I’m afraid Chris is going to ask me if I cheated, but I sense that he already knows. I feel like shit. “Okay,” I say, nodding.
I head upstairs to our bedroom and grab a large sports bag, stuffing in a week’s worth of clothes and toiletries, and a few pairs of shoes. My mind is numb as I push through what I need to do, my shaking hands the only evidence of my fragility. Should I try and fight for us? Am I making a terrible mistake?
When I return downstairs, Chris is sitting in front of the TV, the screen black. “Chris, will you be okay?”
He stands awkwardly then joins me at the front door. “I will be. I don’t hate you, Dan. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and it’s the right thing for both of us. You were only daysaway from making the same decision. I just wanted to beat you to it and do it on my own terms.”
I don’t deny it. “Can I hug you?” I haven’t the right to ask, and it’s probably selfish.
Chris pulls me to him, and I hold him close. “I’m sorry,” I murmur before pulling away. With a gentle kiss to his cheek, I pick up my bag and step out into the night.
The selfish part of me wants to go straight to Ky, but I won’t disrespect Chris like that. Unsure of what else to do, I drive around for an hour before finally checking into a motel. I call Stacey and tell her what’s happened, but I’m kind of out of it. She asks me if I’m okay. While I’m not right now, I know I will be.
Chris was right. Iwasedging closer and closer to leaving. I’m glad he ended it on his terms, because he still has his dignity.
I order room service but only manage a few mouthfuls. Realising I’m dead tired, I crawl under the blankets and descend into a deep sleep.
The following morning, I call Kate and tell her I’m not coming into work. It’s Friday, I think. I call motel reception and book the room for a second night. There’s a lot to think about, like where I’m going to live, for starters. And Ky. But for today, spending time alone is exactly what I need to get my head straight.
Chapter 39
Kyle
Now
Isigh loudly as I examine the contents of the fridge, looking for something quick and easy to throw together for dinner. It’s just me tonight because Lu’s at a sleepover and I’m tired out after meeting Natalie for coffee during my lunch break.
My sister had been standoffish and distant at first but had thawed a little by the end. I’ve accepted that it will take time and a whole lot of effort to repair the damage I caused in our relationship. Natalie had been against James from the very beginning, even warning me, and I’d just ignored her.
When I was growing up, she’d been the big sister I looked up to, but I’d rebelled against her in my late teens in some mislaid attempt to prove I was a grown man. Yeah, I’d fucked up good and proper by ignoring her advice.
At least she’s agreed to meet for coffee again next week, which I’m taking as a win.
Without any distractions, my thoughts drift to Bren. I’ve been in a funk since our dinner a few weeks ago, especially after stupidly getting my hopes up that he was ready to leave Chris. Slumping back against the kitchen counter with my head in my hands, I groan. My body aches for him from sunrise to sunset and even in my dreams. I consider going to bed without dinner and jerking off to my memories.
Ah, I’m pathetic! I glance at my watch. “Bloody hell, it’s only 7:00.”
When the doorbell rings, I frown, then trudge through the living room towards the front door. “Better not be selling something at this time of night,” I say loudly. Without checking the peephole, I fling the door open ready to be a total prick but then freeze.
“Bren?”
“Turns out I already met Mr. Right, too.” A big, bright smile spreads across Bren’s face, his eyes sparkling in the evening light.
