Pushing the door open, I step inside. She’s seated at her desk with her maths book open. “Did you have a good day at school? Is Amanda still being a bitch?”
She looks up and rolls her eyes. “Yep, she sure is. But more people are figuring out what she’s really like and not putting up with her bullshit anymore.”
I sit down on the edge of her bed, pondering the bizarre world of teenage girls. It sounds ruthless.
Lu swivels in her chair to face me. “Dad, you know you shouldn’t put up with Papa’s shit either.”
I sigh. I have no idea how to handle this conversation. “Marriage is complicated Lu, and we shouldn’t talk about Papa behind his back.”
She comes and sits next to me on the bed. “Dad, I’m fifteen, not a baby. And things have been bad for years. I’m not blind. I love Papa but…” She hesitates, biting her nail.
“But what, pumpkin?”
“Do you have any idea what it’s been like living in our house the last five years? You’ve been so sad, Dad. No, that’s not even it. It’s worse than sad. It’s like you haven’t even been here, like your mind’s always somewhere else.” She reaches for me, and I take her hand. “Seeing you change these last few weeks has been so good. It’s like I’ve got my old dad back.”
A thick lump forms in my throat, and I’m not sure I can speak without breaking down. Instead, I lean forward and kiss her forehead, taking time to pull myself together. “Lu, I’m not going to let things get bad again. I promise. Doing this course is an important part of that.”
“Are you definitely going back to work? Because I think you should. Papa is wrong. I’m getting older and I can take on more responsibilities, and he can chip in and do more, too.”
I smile at her, so proud. “I want to get a job. That’s my goal. You know Lu, life isn’t about fancy cars and designer clothes or how popular you are. I don’t want that life for you. I want you to work hard and achieve something that you’ll actually be proud of.”
“Well, since you mentioned it, I’ve been thinking I might want to be a psychologist, or a social worker or maybe an occupational therapist. Something where I can help people.”
“That sounds incredible, Lu. You’ll have to study hard, but I know you can do it.”
She squeezes my hand. “Hey, do you want to watch a movie together tonight?”
I smile so hard I think my face might break. “I’d love that.”
Chapter 19
Brendan
Now
Ishould be ordering stock, but, instead, I’m staring at my office wall, my thoughts a chaotic mess. Chris and I are okay, I guess. We spent the entire weekend together and it helped keep my mind off Kyle. Which I need to do, because every momentI’m alone my mind wanders straight back to blue summer sky eyes and sun-kissed skin.
I’m worried Ky is manic. He was so on edge when he turned up at my place—panicked and hurt and angry and lost. I shouldn’t feel responsible for him after all these years but, somehow, I do. This need to look after and protect him is still inside of me.
Lying to Chris was fucked up, but I’ve been deceiving myself, too. At what point in time did I become a liar? Was it last week when I told Chris I cut my lip slipping in the shower? Or when I told myself I felt nothing for Ky? Maybe it was years ago, when I chose not to tell Chris about Ethan. Or when I was laying in my prison cell saying I was done with Kyle Davies. Maybe that’s when it all began.
The question is, how do I stop?
I haven’t heard from Kyle in over a week. Jeff is still doing the reno, so I can safely assume Ky hasn’t been admitted to hospital. James should look after Kyle, watch out for him and comfort him through his anxiety, but he strikes me as a heartless queen—shallow, narcissistic, and self-serving.
I make a mental note to look into James a little more closely. Then, against my better judgement, I pick up my keys and head out of the office.
When I pull up outside the Johnson house, I hesitate only briefly before throwing the car door open and striding up the front path. Kyle answers the door in black trackies and a pale blue T-shirt. His hair is messy, and he has dark circles under his eyes. He’s still beautiful.
“Bren?” he says, like he can’t believe I’m standing in front of him.
“I came to check on the reno. See if the boys are doin’ a good job.” More fucking lies.
“Sure, come in.” Kyle steps aside to let me in. “It’s upstairs. It’s the master ensuite. I’ll show you.” He closes the door behind me, and we gaze at each other for a beat too long before he leads the way.
Kyle and James’s bedroom makes me feel uneasy. It’s stupid, but I don’t want to look at the bed where Kyle fucks his husband. Even though we’re both married, I don’t want to picture him with someone else.
Kyle stops outside the ensuite and motions for me to enter.
