“All mine, huh?” I said with probably too much sarcasm laced in my tone as I made my way back over to her, settingher chicken Alfredo salad in front of her. I had left mine on the counter since I had lost my appetite.
“Yes, all yours. Oh my gosh, this looks good, baby. Thank you.” Olive grabbed my hand, preventing me from leaving her space. She pulled me down and pressed her lips on mine and I hated how tempted I was to say fuck my feelings about this shit and let it just ride. But as I closed my eyes, all I could see was her laying there with his arms around her waist and a foreign scent of another man hit me, further pissing me off.
I broke the kiss and took a seat across from her, still not saying much.
“Wait, Highland, you’re not eating with me?”
I shook my head. “Naw, I’m not hungry. You eat though.Enjoyit.” My tone was sharp, which was enough for Olive to finally look at me.
She pushed out a humorless chuckle as she shook her head and licked her lips.
“Oh, I get it now. How long have you been here? Were you watching on the monitor?”
“Enough to know I was seconds from breaking that fucking door down. You ain’t say it was all like that, Liv. That muthafucka had his gotdamn dick lodged against my woman’s ass and I’m just supposed to be okay with that shit. And all I saw was you all smiles like youenjoyedit. Not to mention, the same way you held him was the same way you called yourself providing some type of comfort to me. I guess ain’t shit special over here.”
“Highland, what I do for my clients is not the same as what I give to you. And his dick wasn’t on my ass. There is a space gap between us. I told you I always keep things professional.”
“Yeah, well, the shit looks the same to me. Whether it’s you holding them how you do me or them how I would do you, it’s too much for me.”
“Highland, I said cuddle; what did you think I was in here holding hands and kicking our feet? It’s a physical touch type of therapy. And too much for you? What does that mean?”
I got quiet, not ready to say the words I knew had the power to ruin us. But I couldn’t do this.
“What does it mean, Highland?” Olive’s tone was low but it sounded as if she shouted the words.
“It means I really want to be with you, but I can’t with this. I need you to be all mine, Olive. Not sharing my cuddles and hugs with other muthafuckas. How is that shit fair to me? You giving away those private intimate moments to someone who isn’t me is—” I paused once I noticed the first set of tears fall down her face.
“It’s just a job. The only intimate things happening are my clients sharing their own personal issues with expressing that side with their partners. Or those dealing with grief. Highland, I’m helping people process those difficult feelings. Some people just need hugs. My…ourcuddles and hugs are not the same. I’m giving you myself in those moments. My vulnerability. You get the side no one else has ever gotten. Your arms are my safety net.” Olive got up and made her way over to me, falling into my lap, and like a sucka for her, I wrapped her in them.
We sat here with Olive caressing the back of my neck with one hand and playing with my hair with the other.
I bet she did this same technique with another muthafucka.
I let out a frustrated grunt as I unwrapped my arms then hers. “And the fact you don’t see this how I do tells me your decision.” I tapped her leg so I could get up, now fighting back my own set of tears.
“Decision? That sounds like an unspoken ultimatum to me. Say the words, Highland. You or my job, right?” Olive said now, coming up behind me since I was in route for the door. I turnedto face her, seeing more tears had begun to flow down her now rosy cheeks.
“If we’re going to be together, then you’re going to have to give up this cuddle shit, Olive.”
She choked out her words. “Why, Highland? And do what? This is my career. That’s like me asking you to give up boat life, hosting your parties with all those naked ass women. You said you trusted me.”
“It’s not the same. Baby, you are literally laying there with another man in a bed. What if roles were reversed? How comfortable would you be with me doing this shit, huh? I can almost guarantee you would’ve shut shit down the minute I told you what I did. This whole back and forth conversation wouldn’t even be happening.”
“Highland, what you’re asking isn’t an easy decision for me. I love what I do. Would you give up your career for me if I had a problem with it?”
“To keep you? In a heartbeat. Because I know there’s a million other careers I could do to make you feel secure within our relationship. For you, I would do thateasily. It hurts that you won’t do it for me. I can’t do this. Take care, Olive.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead gently before I grabbed both sides of her face and kissed her lips so tenderly. If this was the last time I had the opportunity to taste them, I was going to savor her sweet taste.
Her sobs grew louder the longer we stayed connected. I broke the kiss and headed out without another word.
What the fuck did I just do?
The soundof my phone and my doorbell both filled my ears but I wasn’t able to move from the spot on the couch I had been on since I got in from Olive’s office. The tequila nuzzled between my fingertips was the added touch to help me forget about the sobsfrom Olive that were now an embedded memory I wished I could forget. I was still confused about what happened.
I literally just woke up to her in bed this morning and now I won’t ever see her again.
You have to. The kids.
The thought of the kids had me groaning until it turned into an irritated yell. There was no way both Cece and Neela would let shit go back to it being just us three. Nope. I knew Neela especially would be asking for her as soon as they made it home today.
