Spencer sits up straighter, like he’s preparing for a battle.
“I just think,” he starts, “that Elli’s going through a rebellious phase. I think she sawyouwith your demonic tattoos and facial piercings and thought ‘Wow, he’d really make my parents mad. I should date him. Get it out of my system.’ but eventually she’s going to want to come back. She’s going to realize how empty her life is without the church and she’s going to dump you because you can’t give her what she needs. You can’t give her an eternal family and eternal salvation. The sooner she realizes that, the sooner she realizesyouaren’t good enough, the better. She needs stability. She needs a real man who will provide for her and take care of her. A musician can’t give her that.Youcannot give her that.”
My heart is pounding so hard in my chest it feels like it’s going to beat directly out of me. How the fuck does this nineteen year old know exactly what buttons to push? How does he know every single one of my insecurities?
“I think you’re wrong.” I say, my voice coming out much stronger than I feel. “And Elli’s an adult who can make her own decisions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go see if they need any help with the dessert.”
I stand, and Izzy gives me a half-hearted smile that makes me feel a bit better because at least I know she’s on mine and Elli’s side.
Fuck what Spencer thinks. He’s so caught up in the religious bullshit that’s been fed to him that he can’t see that his sister is happier now than she probably ever was living here.
I go to open the garage door, and realize it’s cracked a bit. I can hear hushed, but harsh voices coming from inside.
“...not going to provide for you! He’s not good enough, Elli. He’s a delinquent. Probably a drug user. What’s stopping him from leaving you for the next best thing when he goes on tour? Packer did that. What’s stopping Wes? He’ll just break your heart.” Louise’s voice rings out clearly through the garage.
“I love him, Mom. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you-” Elli starts, but she’s cut off by her mother.
“What you’re feeling is lust, not love! We raised you to make good choices. Going on tour with a-uh-uh junkie sinner like him isn’t a good choice. Stop thinking with your body and start thinking with your brain.”
I rear back as if I’ve been smacked, the word “junkie” triggering my fight or flight response. I’d heard it all my life from Keith. From the kids at school. From other adults who didn’t even know me.
Your whore mother is nothing but a useless junkie.
The junkie’s kid.
You’ll grow up to be a junkie loser just like your useless mom.
I’m so lost in my thoughts I only catch the tail end of what Elli says.
“...you’re right. But I get to make my own decisions.”
“If you don’t end things with that boy, you’ll no longer be welcome in this family. I think it’s best if you leave. I don’t even recognize you anymore.” Louise spits.
I take that as my queue to walk away so they don’t know I’m eavesdropping. I rush to the bathroom down the hall and lock myself inside, willing the tears threatening to spill to stay in.
What if they’re right? What if Elli is just going through a rebellious phase? What if I’m not good enough for her? I can’t give her a big house with a yard. I know she says she doesn’t want kids, but what if she’s only saying that because she doesn’t want them withme?
I’mthe one that convinced her to take a step away from the religion she grew up in. I’m the one who’s convinced her to “sin” and try the things she never would have in the first place.
Maybe I am all wrong for her.
Chapter 46
Elli
Iwalk out of the garage and look at the table to find Wes gone.
“He’s in the bathroom.” Izzy says softly.
“Thanks. Um, we have to get going. But I’ll call you later, okay?” I say to her, and she gives me a sad nod.
“Love you sissy.” She stands and gives me a strangling hug.
And now I know something is really wrong because she only calls me “sissy” when things are bad.
“Love you too Iz.” I whisper to her, squeezing her back. She sits back down and I look at Spencer, who’s sitting with his arms folded and a scowl on his face. “Bye Spencer.”
He looks at me and shakes his head. “I hope you make smarter choices, Elli.”
