I sigh out loud.
‘Everything alright?’ asks Elias.
‘Yeah, yeah. Just stuff going on at home. The usual.’
‘Okay. I can pull over if there’s a problem.’
‘No, keep going. I want to get to Saint-Tropez. Got to make the most of our last day together.’ Now it is Elias’s turn to sigh.
I return to my phone and message Soraya back.
I hope you told him that the supposed scammer is gorgeous and I’mvery happy.
Ha. No, I didn’t want to wind Michael up more than he already was. Hetold me how he’s made the biggest mistake of his life cheating on youand how he misses you every day.
I lean back and take another sigh. Why now, Michael? Why now? We have been divorced for eighteen months, he had an affair for two years before that, and now that I am hanging around with someone else, he decides he made a mistake. I have only recently picked myself back up! I have to admire his timing.
I notice Soraya is typing again and worry about what else Michael has said.
I’ll warn you now. He says he’s going to ask you for a second chancewhen you get back. He’s apparently told the girls, and they’re excitedat the thought of their parents reuniting. His words… I shouldn’t tellyou while you’re enjoying yourself, but I think you should be warned soit doesn’t come as a shock when you get back.
‘Oh, bloody hell,’ I say out loud.
I imagine the girls listening to their beloved dad, hoping that the fractured family can get back together again. I think how much I would have wanted that at the start. I would have done anything to keep my family together. The girls were excitedly talking about their choices of uni when it all came to light. I wanted to protect them so badly from it all as they planned their future and their next steps into adulthood. They were absolutely devastated when we announced the split. The longer it’s been, the harder I find it to forgive him for what he did to me and to the girls. He wasn’t thinking of their best interests when he was in the throes of his affair, and that is something I can never forget. I am furious with him for speaking to the girls about this and giving them false hope when he hasn’t even spoken to me. If I was mad with him before, I am even madder now! This is unbelievably manipulative of him.
‘What’s wrong?’ asks Elias.
I think about telling him. I should be honest with him. But I don’t want a discussion about Michael to spoil our perfect day trip. I tell him it’s nothing, switch my phone off and am a little withdrawn for the rest of the journey to Saint-Tropez until Elias excitedly points out the panorama of the Maures mountains in front of us.
‘Oh, that’s magnificent. What a view. You’re so knowledgeable knowing the name of the mountains. I have to confess I would never have known that.’ I smile, determined not to think about Michael for a moment longer as we pass the best designer boutiques. My eyes are wide with excitement as I spot Louis Vuitton, Chanel and Gucci. Then, finally, we reach the famous Plage de Pampelonne, where we sunbathe and people-watch for most of the day. Soraya told me that this is where celebrities are supposed to hang out, although I haven’t seen any recognisable faces as yet. Still, I watch bathers as they dip in and out of the sea in case I miss anyone.
Despite the fact there are gorgeous people everywhere, Elias keeps his eyes fixed on me. He must be the most attentive man I have ever met. If I was here with Michael, he would be ogling all these beautiful women that walk past us. With the hair of mermaids and thighs and biceps of steel, you couldn’t blame anyone for doing that. Yet here I am in a bobbly old black swimsuit, my foot tangled up in seaweed as I go for a dip, and still Elias isn’t taking his eyes off me. He simply helps untangle me from the seaweed like the gentleman he is. He certainly knows how to make a woman feel desirable and valued, no matter what state you’re in.
When we eventually tear ourselves away from Saint-Tropez, the reality that it’s our last few hours together seems to hit both of us. Neither of us says much all the way back to the hotel as we are both deep in thought. I wonder what Elias is thinking. I know whatI’mthinking, and that is how much I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to go back and face Michael either. I want to stay in the French Riviera, driving around in our little Fiat, sunbathing and hanging out at bistros with this gorgeous man I’ve just met. However, this isn’t how life works.
We spend our last night together on the terrace of the chateau, dining onmoules et frites, sipping on French wine and gazing into each other’s eyes from time to time. The chemistry between us is off the scale, and before too long, we take what is left of our drinks back to the room and retire for the evening. Elias kisses me against the wall as we enter the room, and we giggle as we remove each other’s clothes. I try not to think about the future and enjoy the moment in the here and now.
After we have been passionate with each other, I look out to the sea and wonder what the future will hold for us both as we return to the real world. Will things ever be the same with Elias in Manchester and me in Swansea? How can it possibly be?
I wish I hadn’t booked a flight so early in the morning. We are both still half asleep as Elias drives me to the airport in Nice in the little Fiat 500. The ambience is so different to our usual drives along the winding roads. The music in the car is quieter, the roof is up, and the mood is subdued.
‘How come two weeks ago I’d never met you, and now I can’t imagine you not being here with me?’ says Elias.
I have never been one for goodbyes or particularly sentimental – odd for an aspiring writer perhaps, but I can never find the words when it comes to my own life – and so I just shrug my shoulders and look out the window as I try to enjoy the last views of the French Riviera whizzing past.
‘I’ll be back in Manchester soon. Do you think I could come down to Swansea and see you?’
I think of the girls and Michael showing up without notice, and then remember this ismylife. If this is what I want, then they can’t stop me. It occurs to me that maybe on some level I’ve been using them as an excuse for not moving forward with my own new life. It feels safe being their much-needed Mammy. Elias has opened up a whole new world for me now, though, and I want to be brave enough to step into it. But what if he lets me down? The distance between us is a big problem for a start. Besides, surely our relationship could never be this magical when we are away from here with this beautiful scenery and the fancy venues. We will surely crash down to earth with a very big bang if we try to continue this back home.
‘You’re very quiet. Does that mean you don’t want to see me back home?’ says Elias.
‘Yes, of course I do. It’s just difficult, you know? The dynamics are so different back home. We’ve been free here to be whoever we want. Back home, well, I have the family and commitments.’
‘I don’t have to stay with you. I could get a hotel. I just don’t want to think we’ll never see each other again. But I don’t want to put any pressure on you either.’
‘No, of course not. It’s not like that. I know I want to see you again. It’s just I don’t know if I’m coming or going and, oh, I’m a bit of a mess at the moment.’
‘Well, you seem far from a mess to me.’
