‘You drive a hard bargain, Ms Edwards. I shall book it right away. Your aunt chose a stunning hotel to put you up in; you won’t regret it. I’ll send over all the details.’
‘It’s not certain I’ll go, you know,’ I remind him.
I put the phone down, relieved that at least I have got Dewi out of my hair for today. But, as I look at the calendar on the kitchen wall, I realise the date will quickly arrive. I’ll have to think of something soon.
After my conversation with Dewi, I need fresh air to clear my head, so I go back into the garden that I love so much. I sit down quietly as I notice a grey squirrel shooting up the old oak tree near the side of the river. I don’t dare move as I watch him scuttling around the branches. I wish I was that nimble. I try to keep supple by doing the garden, but looking at this squirrel makes me feel stiff as a board.
I could sit watching the squirrel for hours, but then I notice something out of the corner of my eye. It is a little robin on the wooden decking. The robin beadily eyes me up and looks at me as if it wants to tell me something. It doesn’t seem interested in the feeders, and I presume it is searching for something juicier. The robin is so tame that I go inside to find some fruit and seeds so I can watch it eat beside me. I rush inside to find something, but by the time I come back out with a chopped piece of apple, the robin is gone. It is as though it was never there, and I begin to wonder if I imagined it. Did it fly off super-fast, or was it some kind of sign? I once read that seeing a robin is meant to be a reminder from someone in heaven to have faith and trust in your future. Was it sent by my parents? But they died years ago, and I have never noticed anything special before, not even when I was in the depths of despair when Craig left. It must be Aunt Grace. What if she sent the little robin to give me a message?
Surely, Aunt Grace couldn’t possibly have sent a robin to my garden out here in the middle of nowhere to tell me to have faith in my future to go on her mission to Prague. I roll my eyes and laugh at myself for being so ridiculous.
It is simply a little robin foraging for food on a cold day, with absolutely no surreptitious Christmas message.
Chapter Four
The problem with making excuses or agreeing to things that you hope will go away is that they come around before you know it. Already, it feels as though Prague is heading around the corner faster than one of those Japanese high-speed bullet trains.
For the first time in ages, I feel like picking up the phone to Liz and telling her about the shock of finding out that Aunt Grace had a secret lover from Prague and that I am expected to go and meet him. Liz and Aunt Grace always got on well, and she would love this little titbit of gossip. But now too much time has passed, and I have been the worst friend on earth. How can I possibly call Liz and tell her that I have been a lousy friend because I couldn’t face meeting up since her life is so perfect? I didn’t even invite her to Aunt Grace’s funeral as I couldn’t deal with her positive outlook on life. What will she think of me?
There was a time when we used to tell each other everything. I would confide in her as I failed to get pregnant one month after another. When she conceived and was overjoyed, I feared that our friendship would change. It did change as she got busier being pregnant and then bringing up her children. But I still wish I hadn’t fallen out with her, and I could tell by the last text message she sent me that our friendship was coming to an end. I was in such asogthat I didn’t really care. Perhaps it is a sign that I am getting stronger that I am even thinking about rekindling our friendship again.
There are many things that I need to face up to, including returning my uniform to Charlotte and thinking up a convincing story as to why I am too busy to go to Prague. I should never have agreed to this nonsense with Dewi. I am a grown woman who should simply be able to say no to things. So why is it that when I am put on the spot, I end up agreeing to stuff that I really do not want to do and then look for ways to back out nearer the time? This is why I hate being pressured into things. For many, this could be the trip of a lifetime, but for me, it’s like that doctor’s appointment you don’t want to attend. As the date draws nearer, my nerves are getting worse. It doesn’t help when Ken knocks on the door; I am a jittery mess.
‘Hiya, bach. You alright?’
‘Yes, fine.’ My usual two words to anyone who asks me how I am. Although, I am acutely aware that I am anything but fine today.
‘A recorded delivery for you,’ says Ken, as he hands me an envelope with the address of Dewi’s legal firm on the bottom corner.
‘Probably just airline tickets and a hotel confirmation,’ I mutter.
‘Oh, lovely. You going somewhere nice?’
‘Prague, but I’m not sure I’ll actually be going…’
‘What? You have to go. I’ve been five times now. Beautiful, especially this time of year. You’ll love it.’
‘So everyone keeps telling me.’
I try to smile but feel positively gloomy. Why would anyone want to go away alone as a single person not knowing anyone? Despite plenty of people doing this, for me, it feels like sheer torture. If I am going to be alone, I would rather it be in my own home. I drown out the voice in my head that tells me I’ll sort of know Marek. But what if he no longer lives there? Anything could have happened, and there is a fair chance that I am not going to find him after all these years, no matter how much or how little effort I make. I may as well stay here.
‘Oh right, okay. Anyway… Umm, listen… Did you know you have an injured bird on your windowsill?’
‘Oh no, do I?’
‘Yes, I think you’ll need to take him somewhere, like a vet.’
Oh no. My stomach sinks. I can’t possibly drive into town and take a bird to the vet, that would mean…People!
‘Ah, that won’t be possible for me today. I’m up to my eyes in it. Would you be able to pop the bird in your post van and take it? I’ll pay the vet’s bill.’
‘Oh, I couldn’t. I’m only just starting my rounds, and I can’t leave the poor mite in the van the whole time. I think it needs to be seen by someone now. I tell you what, if I call the vet we use for the dog and make an appointment, you won’t have to wait. You can dash in and out. It won’t take long, I promise. They’re very quick there.’
We walk towards the injured bird, and I try to think of every excuse I can. I’ll say the car won’t start.
When Ken takes me to the bird, I can see it is the robin. Oh no. The robin does look like something is wrong. As I crouch down to it, there is no movement, and it seems to stare into space. I wish it could tell me what the problem is. I wonder if it has hurt a wing? I suppose that would be the obvious reason for its behaviour. Oh, why does Ken have to know what a sucker I am for the birds around here and that I would never leave one suffer.
While I stand staring and panicking about how I can help it without leaving the house, Ken calls the vet and gets an appointment for thirty minutes’ time. That means I will have to run upstairs to change and go immediately.
