‘Oh, yes, please. My mouth has suddenly gone very dry.’
Chapter Twenty-One
The moment Tomas reaches the kitchen, I ask Albert an innocuous question about an ornament on the Christmas tree to make him look the other way. Then, I crush the letter into a ball and sneak it into my pocket.
‘Which decoration?’ asks Albert as he turns back to look at me.
‘Oh, that one,’ I point. ‘I thought it was a snowball, but now I can see that it’s a swan. Sorry. You know, we saw some swans on the canal.’
‘Yes, Tomas told me what a nice time you two had on the boat. But, you may need to get your eyes checked if you think that’s a snowball,’ laughs Albert.
Tomas told him how nice it was? What else did he say?
Although, more importantly, I breathe a sigh of relief about the letter being safe. I am sure Aunt Grace wouldn’t want to embarrass me like that in front of Tomas.
The good thing is that at least I have some forewarning that she is discussing the two of us, and now I can screen the letters before I read them.
I lift out a letter that was lying underneath the one that is now safely in my pocket. I almost start shaking when I read the words. I look at Albert and Tomas, who are staring at me intently, waiting for me to speak.
‘Sorry, I need some coffee.’
I feel my hand shake as I put the mug back down. I am only grateful that it is not a fragile cup and saucer, or I would probably have smashed it into smithereens. I have to press the letter down on my lap to read it out loud, as I am shaking far too much to hold it in my hands.
‘15 October 1993
My dearest Marek,
How many months will it be until we will see each other? Perhaps I should start marking off the days on the calendar. I can’t wait to see you again. We’ll book somewhere special to stay in London. I know you’re saving to come over, but I am saving from here too. I want to make sure that we can have the most special time. I think we both deserve it after being apart.
Oh, Marek, can I tell you again how much I love you? I never thought I could feel like this about anyone, let alone after just a few months of knowing you. I don’t know why, but I thought love was just being with someone and knowing them inside out. What we have is nothing like that. I can’t stop thinking of you every moment of every single day. What we have is something that doesn’t come along often. This is once in a lifetime. I realise now what I have missed out on all those years I was married to Harry. I am scared of what the future will hold with our different lives, but if it is meant to be, then we will find a way.’
At this point, I stop reading aloud. I look up at Tomas, who is clearly thinking about something and smiles at me.
Then, I silently go back to the words that jumped out at me when I picked up the letter. I read over the paragraph, taking each word in like a stab in the chest.
I’ll have to tell you about my dear niece’s boyfriend one day. She’s so young, and so I pray it’s not serious with this Craig chap. I’ll tell you more soon, but she’s in for trouble if she stays with him. I do hope Tomas is more sensible when it comes to love! They are a worry, these youngsters. You just want to protect them, don’t you?
‘All this reading is making me exhausted. I think we need a break. Do you agree?’ I say.
I must stop here. I have no idea what else she will say in her letters about Craig or me. I need to read the letters alone.
‘You know, a lot of these letters are the same, really. Don’t you think? I mean… All they do is tell Marek how much she loves him. Do we need to open the rest of them? I could dispose of them all if you like. Perhaps the hotel has a shredder.’
Even as I say this, I know I am being so terribly dishonest. But these letters involve my private life now. This is different, and ultimately, they are my property.
‘You can’t shred those letters. They meant so much.’ Albert looks appalled at the suggestion, and I wonder if I should have worded it differently.
‘No, of course.’
I stare at the box and wish I had X-ray vision and could see what was in those remaining letters.
‘Okay, I’ve an idea. How about I take some of the letters back to the hotel with me? It’s just that it makes me feel so close to her reading these, and there are so many memories here. I can open them and tell you what they’re about?’ I feel a tinge of guilt as I say it.
Tomas looks at Albert and then at the box. ‘Hmm, there are a lot left to read.’
‘Sure, but if there’s anything important that we should know, you’ll tell us, right?’ says Albert.
‘Of course I will.’
