“It hurts sometimes to just sit here…it feels like you might walk up behind me and tell me that you changed your mind about leaving me.” I smiled through my tears.
“I really need you, ma… I don’t know what’s happening to me…” My words trailed off as I rocked myself to ease the sting of my heart thinking about Kenric.
He hadn’t called, I felt like a crazy fool calling him and texting him several times over the passing weeks just to get some sort of a response. If I could remember where Grand Corp was, I probably would have driven my nice car that he given me over there. I remembered it was downtown L.A. but couldn’t remember the building. It all seemed like a bad dream that was ripped away by a decision that I made to leave.
I kept convincing myself that it was the logical thing to do. I couldn’t get Kenric off of my mind though. I thought about him throughout the day, I wondered what he had been up to and if he found another woman to obsess over the way that he did me. Jealously crept inside of me and angered me all in one. Maybe it was a sick game, but to what extent? Things had started to look up for me in a major way after leaving.
I was now considered a chamber musician through Avalon’s Prime company. It was guaranteeing good money, soon I’d be playing at big festivals, universities and other cultural events to show my skill. I knew that Kenric called in favors for me to get accepted so fast, it was a dream of mine for years that I told him about.
Before getting accepted into Avalon’s Prime, Yvette helped me get my own apartment in the same building as her. It was a nice one bedroom and cozy enough for just me. I used some of the hundred thousand that Kenric gave me to move in and even furnished the place with him in mind. It was odd but I was hopeful that he would come to visit me.
I ordered an expensive King size bed for his height. I even took it a step further and decorated my apartment with the color themed as black and red. I was in denial at first about me missing him, I was ashamed to admit to that. But as days turned into weeks, I grew sick about it and overly anxious.
Although I had these small victories, the hollow ache in my chest refused to fade. Yvette tried to pull me out, inviting me to dinners and sending cheerful text messages, but none of it filled the space my mother and Kenric left behind. I kept wondering if I would ever experience some sort of happiness, or if I'd always be haunted by memories and what-ifs.
“I really need you today momma.” I simpered.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me. I fell in love with—” My voice cracked as I refused to finish the sentence.
Kenric kidnapped me, there was no doubt about how wrong it was. I forgiven him for it, gave him my body and opened my mind to him.
“He’s dangerous, I don’t know if you’d approve of him or try to love him through his pain like you did with our selfish family. Kenric is cold, unpredictable but he’s so broken, Ma.” The wind blew softly again; a leaf landed on my cheek seconds later it flew off.
“I think he needs love more than I do, and that scares me,” I admitted. “Because if I give it to him…I don’t know if I’ll survive what happens next… That’s if he even wants my love anymore.” I stated, sadly.
“I came to you about Darius, and I felt nothing from you as an answer…” I inhaled a deep breath and held it closing my eyes.
“You probably didn’t say anything because you knew Darius was a horrible person and not meant for me…” The breeze picked up causing some of my hair to shift and blow over my face.
“I feel you today, Ma… I want him to reach out to me; I want to see his face because…” I opened my tearful eyes and looked at her headstone in anguish.
“If I don’t give him love, I’m afraid no one will teach him how to be more than just pain.” I sobbed the last part of my words out.
“Goodness momma, I’m trying to be strong,” I whispered trying to calm my emotions but failed. “I just need you to help me not lose myself in him.”
“You won’t lose yourself, little owl.”
The voice floated through the air like it belonged to the wind. I froze, blinked my eyes as my breath shuttered.Nah, I’m tripping out big time…Then his scent, wrapped around me before I even turned. Notes of sandalwood and spice hit me smoothly. My eyes went wide as I twisted on my knees messing up the thin blanket underneath me.
Kenric stood super close behind me. Tall and dominating with a black trench coat over an all-black tailored suit. His tapered fade was fresh; waves dipped deeply over the crown of his head. In each arm laid a massive bouquet, one was white lilies, and the other was red roses. His handsome chocolate face made my throat close up. His face was still unreadable, posture composed, but his eyes were drowning in darkness. He looked beautifully broken.
Time seemed to pause as I stood on trembling legs. It felt like the wind picked up as I rushed over to him out of breath. Once I collided into his steel chest I sobbed. I didn’t care about the flowers that fell from his arms in order for him to wrap his arms around me. I could barely make out the words that left his thick lips vibrating against my face.
He held on to me so tightly, I could barely breathe and I welcomed it. My knees damn near buckled as I felt his pain through his hold.
“I t-thought I would never see you again, Kenric. Thought you were setting me free for good.” I uttered the words with my face buried in his chest.
I knew what my words sounded like. It was like admitting that I didn’t want to be free of him. It was twisted with a pinch of darkness. I basically admitted to loving being under his possession.
“I thought that it was what you wanted, little owl.” He pulled me back gently by my shoulder then tilted my head up using the pad of his index finger.
I looked into his eyes and saw pain and need.
“I wanted space to think about everything…”
He reached out to wipe my tears with both hands.
“I wanted to stay in contact with you, make sure you were okay.”
