“Kenric baby…”
I heard her talking but I couldn’t breathe right. What was it about this woman that had me losing control of everything including my sanity. I watched the ceiling shift in and out of focus as she continued to talk to me. My throat felt like I hadswallowed glass. I couldn’t get the negative thoughts of Mira trying to escape me for good out of my head.
“I love my violin, Kenric. Don’t you know that I can’t be away from it for long.” Her soft sweet voice cracked through my haze.
I gripped the edge of my desk as I forced myself to focus.
“I don’t feel right, little owl.” I forced out.
“Kenric?” I heard the concern in her voice, but it didn’t do enough to stop what was happening.
I closed my eyes and dropped my head between my shoulders. My heart raced, no longer a beat but a stampede.
I’m spiraling….The last time I spiraled uncontrollably was the date of both parents’ deaths. Josie made a low hooting noise directly in my ear. She felt the shift and my panic.
“Tell me what’s happening, Kenric! Talk to me.” She pleaded desperately.
I ran my hand down my face again, then looked down into my desk drawer. My thoughts sped at a rapid pace as I tried to mentally decide if I would take one of the blue vials that Nemesis provided me with or light up a laced blunt with owlette to calm me.Which one will work?
“I can’t think straight, my head feels full…everything is loud inside.” I tapped the side of my skull roughly.
“It’s the same feeling I got when I was thirteen…it’s the noise, little owl… the noise always comes back chaotically even when it’s quiet…”
I picked up the blue liquid, using my thumb to take off the top, I tossed it back in a rush and swallowed it all down in one gulp.
“You shouldn’t have left the way you did,” I whispered, “I know myself and how much I can take. When I lose a piece that I care about… I unravel.”
“You’re here now, Kenric…you can get through this. You have to trust me! It’s not fair to guilt trip me into coming back rightnow because that’s what you want so badly. You have to believe that we can take things slow and I’ll come back.” She sighed roughly into the phone.
“I need you, Mira…” I confessed, barely audible.
“I don’t want to need you, but I do…you made that noise quiet. You playing the violin…your big eyes, the scent of you and your pure strong aura…I never felt it before…I need it…”
“Then I’ll stay on the phone, until the noise fades…We both need time to think…”
The noises in my head and the strong impulses to go after Mira already started to simmer down. I was too stubborn to want to admit that though. She stayed on the phone while I closed my eyes and pressed the phone hard to my ear to just hear her breathing. Josie took in all of my wreckage as my mind slowly started to gather its broken pieces to fit them back into place.
A subtle warmth unfurled through my chest as the blue liquid settled deep inside of my veins. The potion that Nemesis made me, started to blur out the sharp corners of my thoughts. The chaos dulled, but a hollow ache remained. I tried to focus on Mira’s breathing, I wanted it to be the thread I clung to, pulling me back from the edge.
“I’m scared, Mira,” I admitted, my voice rough and ragged. “Scared of how easy it is for everything to slip away. Scared of what I become when I can’t hold myself together.” The confession felt like a release that I had been holding back since a kid.
Her silence and breathing felt like security. It wasn’t empty, but patient, she waited for me to find my footing. I listened to the hum of the line, letting it anchor me.
“Kenric,” she breathed finally, her tone softer, and steadier. “You’re allowed to be scared. I am, too. But we’ll find a way to quiet the noise together, even if it’s just for tonight. I’m notletting go, but I demand the proper space and time…I’ll even welcome whatever punishment that you have on hold for me when the time comes.”
A brittle laugh escaped me, the pressure in the forefront of my mind eased all the way up.
“I’m still gonna make it hurt, painfully good. I’ll let you be for now, but I’m coming for you soon little owl.”
“I’ll be ready for you whenever that is.” She challenged.
HELL CAGE…
“I never will get usedto the smell down here.” Tone complained as we approached the double steel doors.
I hadn’t been down here in months, and I welcomed the smell of decay and death.
“If it’s too much, you can leave. I don’t want to sense uncomfortableness.”
