“Mira thinks I’m crazy…too robotic. I revealed too much, I need to call Nemesis and tell him that this fucking medicine isn’t working!” I opened my desk drawer with shaky hands and eyed the small vile bottles of the blue potion that Nemesis made.
I debated if I should have taken another dose. It felt like I was losing my mind. My migraine grew more intense as I mentally tried to slow down my overbearing thoughts.
Why did she run? She looked me in the eyes and said that she wouldn’t…she felt the strong shift between us, she admitted to it…so why the fuck did she run?
“Kenric, she’s not gone. She probably just needed space, I know exactly where she is. We can go get her, but I do think it’s important that we handle this shit with Dre and Smack tonight.”
The blue vials glinted under the dim lights, it seemed like it mocked me with its promise of clarity in the moment. My fingersfroze over them; my heartbeat pounded like a drum in my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against the thunder in my skull and the panic clawing at my chest. There was no escaping this spiraling chaos—not with medicine, not with logic, not with rage.
I looked up at Tone uncertainly and became pissed all over again. I could smell his fear, mixed with Staress’s fear mingling with my own frustration. I wanted to scream and shatter the void feeling that crept up my spine with Mira being going. I was officially out of control and couldn’t fathom it. I felt this sick, relentless ache that dwelled inside of me. I was about to go on a rampage that would leave people soulless.
“How about you call her.” Staress timid voice creeped into my ears.
Josie made a low clicking noise, I clicked my own teeth and waited seconds until I felt her land on my shoulder. The weight of her calmed me a bit. Josie even felt unsettled, I looked into her big black eyes and got lost within them.
“You can’t control everything. You always say how you don’t play the board you own it. Owning it means adapting as well. Right now, you gotta think, not break. You’re used to shit playing out how you expect it to go just off of impulse alone bro. Most of the time?—”
“All of the time!” I cut into his sentence.
“Yeah, that… All of the time shit goes the way you see fit…because everything is under your control Kenric. You won’t be able to control Mira, and even if she let you take over and own her, you can’t keep her as your hostage. That ain’t real love.” Tone’s voice was steady now.
I didn’t respond, I just stared at the wreckage of my board. My game, which was a symbol of balance and foresight. It was ruined, just like my control.
“Real love is letting her have a girl’s day with a woman that you can’t seem to get a fucking grip on.” I gritted out.
“I let Mira wash me off of her skin and walk out of this muthafucka happy because I’m addicted to seeing those big eyes of hers tilt upward whenever she’s excited or happy. She walked out of here open to the idea of us! I own her fucking body, not her mind! And I fucking love her without owning her!” I admitted out loud.
I inhaled sharply then pinched the bridge of my nose. The room went silent as I repeated the words that I just said aloud inside of my head.
“Get Dre here, by any means necessary. I’ll pay Smack a visit right now, myself.”
I gave Tone my back. I glanced out of the floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked the city. Josie’s claws dug into my shoulder as I tried to make sense of everything.
“Bro-”
“Tone.” I said his name flatly.
“You need to go visit Smack with men at your front and back.” Tone spoke urgently.
“I won’t need anyone with me for this. You just focus on Dre; I’ll be with him tonight as well.” I placed my hand flat against the cold window.
“Get out.” I stated lowly.
“Come on baby.” Staress whispered.
I listened to them leave, then welcomed the silence that followed. I turned around then placed both of my palms on my desk. I couldn’t even bring myself to observe the mess that I had made. The chessboard that had been broken was the first birthday gift from Pops. I cherished it, and because of my control slipping from my grasp, I ruined it.
I squeezed my eyes shut; my teeth clenched so hard my jaw started to throb. A soft flutter next to me and the light weightof her presence reminded me that Josie was still observing me. Her weight lifted off of my shoulder and landed at the edge of my desk. Her snowy feathers puffed out as her head tilted, willing me to look into her wise, eerie, dark eyes.
She blinked twice, like a signal and calmness filled my chest.
“You think I let her slip away?” I said above a whisper.
Josie let out a soft click, the sound was low and hollow, it was the sound she only made whenever I spiraled out of control. Josie was my compass, my sanity whenever the meds dulled too slow and the chaos inside of me surged above it. She blinked again, then picked up her claw to nudge the phone on my desk.
My throat tightened, as a need too strong to recall clawed at my chest.
“Call her?” I murmured in disbelief.
