“Go get dressed, you cannot be late for tonight.” She smiled weakly.
I stood there staring at her, I wanted to say more. She looked like she needed a hug and more time to express herself. She urged me with a head nod to go get ready, so I picked up my feet and moved towards the checkered wall that was slid halfway open.
The mirror was taller than me, framed in black wood that made the reflection sharper. I stood in front of it in disbelief, I couldn’t believe how I looked. I smoothed my hands down the silk gown that clung to my body, fitting me like a glove. It was black, deep and endless, flowing beyond my feet and onto the floor. The slit on the side opened with the slightest movement flashing the curve of my thick thigh.
I loved the way the bodice hugged my curves tightly, it dipped low enough to show just enough of my cleavage. Never in my life had I looked like this or wore expensive clothing. My nutmeg complexion glowed under the dim light.
I felt sexy, important, like I belonged to a world I wasn’t supposed to be in. My thick wavy hair tickled my bare back, I was satisfied that it felt softer, it shined with the leave-in conditioner and oil that I massaged through it.
“You look beautiful.” Staress voice startled me from behind.
She leaned against the wall, arms crossed, lips curved in a half-smile reaching her eyes. I turned, enjoying the feel of the silk that brushed against my thighs.
“You think, so?”
“I know, so that dress was made for you. It’s giving queen of all queens chiii.” She snapped her fingers.
I blushed hard and bit into my bottom lip.
“Is it bad…?” I said above a whisper.
“Is what bad?” she asked, tilting her head.
“I want to know more about Kenric but feel like I shouldn’t want to know.” I met her gaze, trying to study her face.
“I’m feeling a pull to him, but I hate the fact that he took me against my will. I feel confused, and maybe it’s because he made it all conflicting with his logic.” I uttered the words more so to myself than to Staress.
I watched her push off the wall; her heels clicked against the polished floor. She stopped just a few feet from me, her eyes searched mine like she was weighing how much of the truth I could handle.
“I don’t think it’s bad.” She finally said.
My chest tightened because I still felt like it was.
“Then what is it?” I asked, still searching my brain for the right answer.
“It’s the Grand effect… He pulled people in naturally. You don’t even notice it until you’re already orbiting around him like he’s the sun. It doesn’t matter if you hate or love him…you feel him. Once you feel him, you can’t pretend you don’t anymore. He’s like a big puzzle piece that you get determined to figure out.”
I swallowed hard, looking down at the way the black silk gown hugged my body. I still didn’t even recognize myself.
“I was taken, but at the same time I’m starting to feel the saved part about it all. My depression has been replaced with great wonder… I don’t even feel sad anymore about Darius…it’s like Kenric put it in great prospective for me although I feel like nobody deserves to die just because they do somethingunforgivable. I should fear him, he’s a murderer, I feel his dark side, he’s dangerous and toxic…”
Staress’s expression softened, though there was something tired in it too.
“Fear and fascination live close together. Sometimes they share the same bed. Don’t blame yourself for wanting to know more about him. Most people want to know the storm that shakes them, even if it scares the hell out of them. There’s a thrill that they can’t deny, like a moth to a flame, your drawn in.” She said.
I met her gaze, my voice low. “Did you feel it too?” I asked.
She hesitated; her lips pressed together before she exhaled. “We all do. One way or another. That’s why some people choose to stay even with no connection to him. People follow him because he doesn’t just run the board, Mira…He makes people feel like there’s no better life outside the game. There are job opportunities that pays better than any other job around L.A. He shares the wealth and provides a medicine that makes people healthy all while feeling good. Can you understand the brilliance in just that alone? He’s a dark soul with beauty etched along the rims of him.”
Her words cut through me, deep down I knew that she was right. I found myself caught up in his gravity. I pondered on my own freedom. The world was a big place. I depended on Darius and the drugs to occupy my loneliness. Now that I didn’t have either, what would I do once I did get the chance to run?
Staress told me that she would return with Tone. Once the panel on the wall clicked, I exhaled the breath that I was holding in. The silence felt heavy pressing against me like an extra weight I couldn’t shake. I turned toward the mirror again, but this time I didn’t see the beauty of my gown.
I imagined the chain that Kenric placed around my waist. I touched my right where he once placed it and imagined thecoldness attached to it, which was a part of him. Staress’s voice still echoed in my head.
“You might think staying is weak of me, but I’m happy I was saved. I don’t want to go back to feeling lost, out there I’ll probably die. In here I survive and feel wanted.”
I wondered if that was going to be me? One day standing in front of a kidnapped woman telling her that she was saved, instead of what it really was. My thoughts clawed at me. I should have been angry; it seemed like my plan to run and break free the next time I had the chance started to dwindle.
