My mouth dropped open, my emotions firmly rooting themselves in shock. “What do you mean you don’t know what to do? It’s what you wanted!”
A small smile played on his lips. “I was going to explain before you jumped to conclusions.”
“Sorry. Pregnancy hormones are not my friend. Please continue.” I’d let myself feel stupid for overreacting in a couple of minutes. Right now, I wanted to know what the hell he was talking about.
“I do still want the promotion, but I . . .” He trailed off.
“You what?”
“I want to have gotten it because I earned it—because he actually believes I’m the best man for the job. I don’t want it to be solely because of you.”
My eyebrows pinched together. “I don’t understand. That was the whole point of us fake dating, and you didn’t have an issue with it then.”
“Yeah because it wasn’t real!” He raised his voice defensively, eyes scanning my face as his words hit both of our ears. “It wasn’t real when we made the deal,” he amended in a softer voice.
Itwasn’treal.
But it was now?
My heart thundered in my ears. “And now?”
Archer leaned toward me, moving his knee so it once again touched mine. “Now, I’m scared out of my goddamn mind because whatever is going on between us is the realest thing I’ve felt in . . .” He looked away, shaking his head in bewildered disbelief before regarding me seriously. “I fight fires and ride a motorcycle because, up until recently, they were the only things that made me feel alive when I believed all the life to have been beaten out of me years ago.”
Tears burned at the back of my eyes, but I fought them off, clutching on to his every word.
“But you, you’re showing me that life doesn’t have to be complete shit. That something good can come out of the ashes. You’re all I think about, all of the time—what you’re doing, where you might be, what snippy comeback you’d have to something one of the firehouse guys said. It’s annoying.” He laughed, his hand reaching out to toy with the tips of my fingers. “And it’s terrifying because I don’t see any way where we’re together and I don’t fuck it all up, but I can’t get myself to let you go.”
I scooched forward until I was almost in his lap and rested my palm on the side of his face, brushing my thumb over his cheekbone. “Why are you so convinced you’re going to screw anything up?”
“Because it’s all I’ve ever done, Darcy.” His eyes crashed into mine. “My mom is dead because of me. My dad started drinking because of me. And if we do this for real, I’m going to ruin you too. Except it won’t just be you, it’ll be her as well.” He placed his hand over my stomach.
“Him,” I parried through watery eyes.
“Be serious with me right now,” he pleaded.
“I am being serious, Archer. You’renotresponsible for your mother’s death, and you’re sure as shit not responsible for your dad’s actions. What he did, who he became, was all his own doing, just like who you are is your own doing.” This time when I moved, I crawled into his lap, cradling his face between both of my hands. “You want to know why the chief offered you the position? Because he was finally able to seewhoyou are. He saw the man who is reliable, unwavering, strong, and selfless. Maybe I’m the reason you finally opened up enough for him to see that side of you, but you’ve always been those things.Youearned the promotion.”
Resting his forehead against mine, he breathed. “Darcy.”
“No, listen to me. I’m a lot more capable than you’re giving me credit for. If I thought you were a danger to me or this baby, I wouldn’t let you anywhere near either of us. I told you that I was an excellent judge of character, and I am. You arenotgoing to become your father simply because he raised you. If anything, I think it’s exactly why you won’t.”
“You don’t know that for—” he started, but I stopped him.
“I do. And if it ever came to that, I’d be gone before you ever got the chance to lay a hand on either of us.” I held his gaze. “But it’snotgoing to come to that.”
Archer nodded quietly, a tear slipping down his cheek.
While we were on the topic, I decided to speak honestly. “And I think you need to talk to someone about everything. Not just me, or Harrison, a professional. Because what you’ve experienced is something no one, especially a child, should ever have to go through.”
He sucked in a steadying breath. “You’re right.”
“I usually am.” I smirked, pulling away so I could look at him fully.
“Brat,” he muttered, a small smile relieving the frown from his face.
“Watch yourself, Mack. I may be pregnant but I will kick your ass,” I warned, breaking out in a laugh at the end.
“I know you will. So, where does that leave us?”
