He looked at me quizzically. “That’s not like you to leave business unfinished.”
“Trust me, it wasn’t left unfinished.” I tried to spin the conversation for joke territory, but one look at Harrison told me he wasn’t having it at the moment. I exhaled sharply, resigning myself to this discussion. “I was an ass. She called me a coward. It seems pretty finished from where I’m standing. And it’s better this way; you and I both know that.”
My thoughts ran back to that night. I wasn’t proud of how I’d reacted at the bar with her. Any time I thought about it—which was quite frequently given the circumstances—I was filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt and embarrassment. But while I felt awful for how I behaved, and how I walked out on her, I couldn’t bring myself to track her down and apologize. Every time I found myself entertaining ideas of getting involved, I’d have another one of my nightmares, and it’d convince me all over again that my staying away was necessary. She, and that baby, were better off without me.
But Darcy’scowardcomment bothered me more with each passing day. I wasn’t a coward. My walking away wasn’t about an inability to take responsibility for my actions, but had everything to do with my past and keeping her as far away from it as possible, not that she’d know that. We didn’t know each other, at least not really. Any semblance of knowledge about the other was nearly a decade old and generated from a high school rumor mill. I wasn’t a coward, and I don’t know why her believing that about me pissed me off so much. What did it matter if that’s what she thought? Why did I care?
For the second time, his features smoothed, and a gentleness filled his eyes. “You’re not your dad, Arch. You know that. So don’t leave things the way he would have. Own up to your shit.”
Ouch.
I didn’t say anything, but I nodded. There was no use arguing with him. Maybe I wasn’t my dad now, but what if I turned into him? What if the baby was mine, I let myself get close to him or her—to Darcy—and then my true colors started to show? It wasn’t a chance I was willing to take. Both of them deserved so much better than me and the shit I carried around with me.
He let the topic go for the moment, instead starting a game ofCall of Duty. I zoned out as we raced through the desert, shooting at the computer targets, and screaming profanitieslike we were teenagers again. It was oddly therapeutic, which was a little concerning. My skills were rusty, since I only ever played when I hung out with Harrison, and we lost the game embarrassingly quickly.
“Okay, so what’s this other news you had to tell me?”
“I might be up for a promotion.”
His eyes widened and he flashed me an open-mouth grin. “No way. That’s awesome! Congratulations!”
I shook my head, trying and failing to keep my own smile off my face. “Nah, not yet. Imightbe, but Chief has reservations.”
“What the hell does that mean? Reservations.” He said the last word like it was dirty, a scowl pinching his eyebrows together.
Sighing, I gave him the rundown of the whole conversation with Chief Abrams. It didn’t take long because, as comfortable as I was with him, I still wasn’t a big talker. By the end, Harrison was laughing hysterically.
“So, he pretty much told you to get a life and stop being a hermit? That’s great!”
I looked away from my friend, something similar to embarrassment gnawing at the edges of my mood. “Ha ha ha, yeah, laugh it up. It’s not funny. My whole career is staked on me . . . what? Getting a hobby? Adopting a dog? Making more friends?”
He leaned back against the couch, casually swinging his ankle up to rest on his knee. “Sounds like it.”
I groaned. “I’m a grown-ass man. Since when do jobs dictate your personal life?”
“Look, it’s a little odd, I’ll give you that, but he has a point.” With the glasses and his suddenly serious tone, he gave off professor vibes, and I was about to get lectured. “Lieutenant is a big deal—it’s not just a position of leadership. If you want those guys to run after you into a burning building, then they need to trust you, and trust, asyouare well aware, doesn’t come easily.It has to be earned. And right now, they see a thirty-something-year-old bachelor with a fire kink.”
“I don’t have a fire kink.”
He leveled me with a look that said he didn’t believe me for a second, and then in a blink it was replaced by a grin. “You could get a girlfriend. That’s the definition of responsible and stable.”
“I don’t date.” I took a large gulp of seltzer, the bubbles making my eyes water slightly. Harrison tipped back the rest of his beer, and not wanting to sit there under his scrutiny, I wordlessly volunteered to get him another one.
“Yeah, I know, you only do the whole one-night stand thing, but I’m serious! Having someone is kind of nice!” he called to me over his shoulder.
Walking back into the room, I shoved his beer at him. “I’m serious too. I don’t date.”
He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay! Fine. Stay single and alone forever.”
“Thank you, I will,” I grumbled.
We sat not speaking for a handful of seconds, me waiting for him to queue up another game, and him, apparently thinking, when he burst out laughing.
“Why don’t you do that thing they do in movies and fake having a girlfriend.”
That got my attention. “What?”
“Yeah, just fake date someone until you get your promotion. Then you could still be all alone in that big, cold bed of yours, but with a fancier title to further inflate your ego,” he mocked, clearly having too much fun with this. I couldn’t even be mad because the suggestion was funny.
