“Is good, probably,” Ilya sighed. “I am too soft with her.”
Shane rested a hand on Ilya’s cheek. “You’re soft with everyone you love.”
Ilya’s lips curved up. “Don’t tell anyone.”
They both got undressed, freshened up, and got into bed. Shane gently kissed Ilya’s cheeks and forehead, and finally the corner of his mouth. “I missed you so much,” he whispered.
“Yes. Me too.”
They gazed at each other, a few inches apart on the bed.
“I like seeing the playoff beard again,” Shane said, stroking his fingers over the thick hair that now covered the lower half of Ilya’s face. “Been a while.”
“Should I leave it?”
“Maybe for a bit. It’s sexy.”
Ilya closed his eyes and enjoyed the soothing brushes of Shane’s fingertips. “Shane,” he said quietly after a couple of minutes. “If we are getting married—”
“If? Of course we are.”
Ilya swallowed. “You need to know, then.”
“Know what?”
Ilya opened his eyes. “I am not okay.”
“With what?”
“I am...maybe like my mother. Depressed. Sometimes. And it is not fixed. It might not be something to fix.”
Shane looked surprised, but he covered it quickly. “Okay.”
“You cannot blame yourself, if it...gets bad.”
Shane propped himself up on an elbow. “Ilya. Are you saying you think about, like—”
“No. Not really. I don’t know. I feel like Icouldthink about it. Okay?”
Shane blinked a few times. “Okay,” he whispered.
“The therapy helps, and we have talked about maybe trying some medication. And how that might be hard at first, with side effects. Is hard to find the right pills, the right amount. I need a doctor for the pills, though. I think I will talk to Terry—he is the team doctor.”
“You think he’d be okay with prescribing antidepressants?” Shane asked.
“Yes. Of course.”
“I think our team doctor would be weird about it.”
“Then your team doctor is bad.”
“Yeah,” Shane sighed. “Maybe.”
He stroked Ilya’s hair, and Ilya’s eyelids began to droop.
“I hate that you feel like that sometimes, Ilya,” Shane said softly. “I hate that you have to fight yourself. But you’re never going to scare me off, okay? And I’m never giving up on you, or on us. So whatever you need, I’m right here.”
“What if there is nothing you can do?” Ilya asked in a small, scared voice. “What if you can’t help?”
