“That cannot be true, in Oklahoma…” I start to say. He didn’t love me then, he couldn’t have possibly loved me for ten years after.
“I know, Ollie. I know what I said in Oklahoma. And I promise you I’ve regretted it every day since then,” he says.
“What did you say in Oklahoma?” Caroline asks.
Realizing I never told them the entirety of what happened ten years ago. It’s not until this moment when I’m seeing red that I thought I could never tell someone everything that happened that weekend.
“He told me he didn’t love me and that we could never actually be together.” I hiss out, full of wrath and anger, remembering back to that day. Caroline’s face reddens and she squeezes my arm in solidarity as Iglare across the room to Noah.
He looks down, and Cole speaks up before Noah has the chance to say anything.
“Liv, did you ever let me know to explain that day to you? Or have you just been holding a grudge deeming him the worst for the last ten years?” There’s a certain bite to his words that tells me I’ve hit a nerve with him, and that maybe I don’t know everything that happened. But that doesn’t change the fact that I was heartbroken after Oklahoma or it took me months to really get back to myself again.
“You’re right, Olivia, that is exactly what I said. You had just started college at Marquette, I was graduating basic training and had no idea where I was about to be stationed. That first night you were there, Iwas so excited to see you. Finally hold you in my arms again after those ten agonizing weeks away from you. You spent the whole time telling me about these amazing people you met at school, and how all of your classes were going but also how you were going to finish out the semester and thentransition to online classes until we were settled in a place long enough foryou to go back to school.” Caroline lifts her hand off my arm, having never known that was my plan. I feel my eyes fill with tears but I can’t tear my eyes from Noah’s face as he continues speaking. “You were going to put your entire career and life on hold for me. To be the wife of someone in the military who may not even be in the same country as you. Who may not even come home? Ollie, I couldn’t let you do that and I knew you would never change your mind, once you get your heart set on something it's impossible to change it. So I did the only thing I could think of and that was to make you hate me. You wouldn’t give up everything if you hated me. Did I have to give up the one person who meant the most to me in return? Yes, and Iwould do it again. Ollie, I have loved you since the moment we met in the cafeteria that one day. I'm sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you. I will regret that until the day I die. But I loved you then. I love you now. And I will never stop loving you, Olivia Bennett,” he finishes with silent tears running down his face, and it suddenly hits me that,holy shit, this man broke his own heart for me.
Caroline continues to ask questions and interrogate Cole and Noah but the sound of their voices sounds like they are talking underwater as I'm entirely engulfed by one sentence.
He loves me and he never stopped loving me.
“Liv, you okay?” I hear Cole ask as he walks over from the couch.
Nodding my head yes, bringing myself back to reality, I sink into the couch and try to decipher my emotions. Am I sad? Yes. Am I angry? Hell yes. Am I grateful he finally told me the truth? Absolutely.
“That wasn’t your decision to make.” I bite tears back from my eyes, damning them with all of my heart. I do not want to cry right now.
“I know, Ollie. And I am truly sorry for taking that choice away from you. There was never a letter, phone call, text message, or even a single day where I didn’t think of you. When things were bad, and people died, thinking about you was the only light back into my life. I know I hurt you. I know what I did was stupid and it wasn’t fair to you that I hid the truth from you for all these years, but I was stupid and afraid. I thought it would be better if you never thought about me again instead of worrying about if I was alive or giving up your entire life for someone who might not even make it to tomorrow.”
I can’t stop the tears from streaming down my face now and I move from my side of the couch to his, where he still silently cries as he confesses everything. I sit next to him placing my hands on his forearm and take a second to get my thoughts together.
Cole and Caroline relocate down the hall to give us privacy but I know they’re standing at the end of the hallway to eavesdrop.
“Noah, I am angry that you took that decision away from me, that you robbed us from ten years of what could have been an amazing time together. But I’m also adult enough to know that we wouldn’t have worked back then if we stayed together. That I needed to grow up and become who I am today before committing to my forever love story.” Tears continue to stream down his cheeks and he doesn't as much as breathe a word. “I know that in those three days over Christmas I was the happiest I’ve been in ten years and I’m not just saying that because you are the best sex I’ve ever had. You make me smile, make me feel seen in ways no one has ever done before, and continue to love me through it all. I will forever be grateful that my annoying brother spilled the beans about my coming home,” I continue.
“Yes!” I hear Cole whisper loudly from the hallway with presumably a matching enthusiastic fist bump. Noah chuckles in response as I roll my eyes, and I know our time is going to be limited moving forward.
“Because I have never stopped thinking about you. I have never stopped loving you, Noah. And yes, I’m afraid. I am afraid it won’t work out. I’m afraid I wont be able to trust that you won’t hurt me again, but I also know that I’m willing to try,” I finally finish, and before I can move, Noah pulls me into his lap, fully engulfing me in a hug.
Chapter 31
Noah
Afterfinallytellingthetruth to Ollie, admitting I’ll always love her, and owning up to my previous actions, the idea of leaving her in Milwaukee sounds atrocious. The excitement around finally having the opportunity to properly date the girl of my dreams, my sister's best friend, and her giving me a second chance is enough for me to sell my house, quit my job, and stay in the city forever. I feel a huge weight off my shoulders and am ecstatic to continue this adventure with Ollie while we figure our relationship out.
The drive back to Fisher Creek is only two hours but Cole insists on driving even though he’s done nothing but complain about having to sleep on the couch and having a sore back as a result. The amount he’s talking makes me suspicious that something happened after I went to Ollie’s room.
We’re listening to his old rock playlist and he is popping back and forth in his seat while drumming on the steering wheel. He’s such a dork.
I snort at him as he continues to jam my mind shifting back to Ollie and her car dance moves. She used to steal the aux cord in my car playing whatever artist she was obsessed with that week, singing at the top of her lungs. I should add that she’s a terrible singer but she didn’t care. Her carefree energy when we were in the car was something that I loved the most about her. She would move her hand like a wave to the beat of the song but also the way the car was moving. Thinking back to Ollie and the way things used to be causing my face to heat and a smile creep onto my face.
“What the hell is wrong with your face?” Cole asks, looking at me with a cocky smile on it.
“Shut up,” I reply. Not wanting to tell him I was thinking about Ollie but not knowing how to change the subject I say, “Also, did you know Caroline was that terrifying?” I laugh trying to lighten the mood.
He does nothing but laugh in response, a nervous laugh that confirms my suspicions. Cole’s never been able to keep a secret. If his life depended on him to keep his mouth shut, he’d have died thousands of times now. Thankfully he isn’t a cat with only nine lives.
“Did you and Caroline…?” I ask directly. There’s no point in trying to beat around the bush because I know he’s going to crack before we get back to Fisher Creek. Plus, I’ve always been blunt, probably to a fault but it's better to just know than beat around the bush.
Cole’s face turns red and I know I hit the nail on the head. He doesn’t answer and I decide it's probably better I don’t need to know what happens between them. They don’t want to tell anyone yet and I certainly cannot keep this from Ollie.
