“Did you tell her you’re out? That you’re signing the official paperwork today?” Mom asks as I round the corner. She and Bec are sitting at the small wooden coffee table in the breakfast nook off the kitchen looking at me like my parents used to when I tried to sneak in after curfew. Mom sips her coffee, glasses sliding down the bridge of her nose, looking over the top of them as the heat from the coffee steams them.
“No, Mom. We were just having a fun night, catching up,” I reply, more stern than intended.
“‘Cause that's why you’re just getting home,” Bec coughs out under her breath.
I can feel my face heat as the red starts to fill my cheeks.
“I tried to talk about Oklahoma and she shut down. She doesn’t want to try, she just wants to have fun,” I say.
“Sure. Well, the big Christmas party is tomorrow, invite her to it. I miss
having her around the house,” Mom says as she walks out of the room to get ready for the day.
I know I have a meeting with my superior at 10:30 a.m. where I have an exit interview and then have to go to the local office to sign the official paperwork. By noon today, I will no longer be an active member of the Army, I will now just be Noah, a volunteer firefighter and veteran. I will be building my life in Fisher Creek, just a mere two hours from Ollie’s city. The one where she created her home after I uprooted all of her plans.
I’ll tell Ollie the truth tomorrow at the Christmas party if she comes. I grab my phone off the nightstand in my bedroom, realizing it’s already 10:25 and I’m going to be late to this call if I don’t get set up now. But first I send her a quick text.
Me: Christmas Party tomorrow, mom expects to see you there.
I lock my phone and pull out my laptop ready for this meeting.
“You’re sure you’re ready to be done?” Commander Gibson asks a moment later.
“Yes, sir. It's time,” I reply with as little hesitation as possible because, in reality, the Army is all I have known for the last ten years. All my friends, brothers, and everyone outside of my immediate family are in the Army.
“Very well. We will miss you, kid,” he replies. Commander Gibson is the closest thing to the father I’ve had since joining the Army, and leaving him feels like losing a piece of me. “You always know how to reach me if you ever need anything,” he adds quickly. We’re both trying to hold back all tendrils of emotion. “You need to go into the office today to sign the paperwork, officially retiring you from the United States Army,” he finishes.
“I have a scheduled appointment with them at eleven-thirty to finish everything today,” I reply. “Thank you, sir, for everything.” Well, it’s officially happening.
I check my phone, seeing her name and photo on the lock screen. She replied about the Christmas party. My stomach starts to twist as I dread her saying she doesn’t want to come, that this is over. I never would have taken myself as an anxious person, but something about Olivia turns my entire brain and body to mush.
Ollie: We have our family Christmas Eve Dinner tomorrow night, but can I come early to help set everything up?
My chest warms and the tumbleweeds in my stomach relax knowing she wants to see me again. This time will be different, and I will not lose her again.
Me: Great, be here at 1 p.m.
Chapter 11
Olivia
Theentiredrivehomeall I can think about is last night and how it was everything I didn't know I needed. I know one thing for certain. I'm not ready to let go. Deep down, I know I want more. I shake my head free from the fantasy and realize I need to separate myself from Noah for the remainder of this trip because in three days we’ll go back to holiday and birthday texts only.
A giant wave of sadness flows through me when I consider the real possibility of that. One night with Noah has me entirely unraveled, ready to jump back into his arms, and never let go. But I know that is never going to happen. He’s only home for holiday leave before shipping back to wherever he is deployed at this time.
I learned very early after his first deployment that I can’t imagine him over there, in the desert, with the hot, dusty air filling his lungs and the endless danger. The endless danger that takes the lives of so many people every day. It was maddening, heartbreaking, and all-consuming for the first few months. Not knowing where he was, if he was okay, and listening to the news regarding what was happening overseas. So, eventually, I decided it was safer not to. Safer to not think about it, disconnect and not look up the details of the war. Even though I created that necessary distance allowing me to grow, focus, and be successful within my career; there has always been part of me that worries, part of me wonders if he will get out or if he will let the Army all consume his life, like I let it consume mine for so long.
“Olibia!” I hear a tiny voice shout as I get out of my car and start walking toward the house. Liam, Penelope’s youngest, comes running out the front door straight for my knees. Part of me hopes that he never stops calling me “Olibia”. Growing up, my family either called me Olivia or Liv except Penelope, who always called me Olivia. She is a firm believer in using a full name. Our family are the only ones who were able to shorten Penelope to Pen and that’s only because Penelope is a long and difficult name for a toddler to say and there were three of us running around, needing her. Her children are Liam and Leo, never anything shorter, and her husband's name is Jonathan, not Jon or Jonny.
“Liam, let Aunt Olivia get into the house before you attack,” I hear Penelope say from the doorway. A half smile rises on her face, knowing that I’m both surprised and excited to see her.
I share the same quick smile. Having not seen her since the services, which we did not end on great terms, there is a wave of sadness that overwhelms the smile. I have always been “full of feelings” so the coming and going of the ocean is nothing new for me.
“I thought you weren’t going to make it until tonight or tomorrow,” I exclaim, trying to remember back to what Mom said yesterday, while also wondering why I drank so much gin last night.
I haven’t seen my sister since she left after Grandma’s services and we had gotten into a fight about her going back to Georgia already. She wasn’t as close as I was with our grandmother and I used that to my advantage in the argument. We didn’t speak for almost two weeks before I caved and called her repeatedly until she answered. I may be the annoying little sister but family is everything to me and I couldn’t survive without her. She's my confidant, my informant, and one of my best friends. Seeing her this morning is exactly what I need.
“We were able to find an earlier flight!” she responds, and I jump into her arms to give her a giant hug.
