“God, I have missed that laugh,” he says as he puts me down.
I try to remember the last time I laughed so deeply and genuinely. I know my life has changed drastically, I laugh with Mason and Caroline all the time. But this laugh is different, it comes from my toes and leaves me wanting more.
“I have missed you,” I whisper, afraid to let him know, but curious if he missed me
too.
“Ollie….” he starts, and I start to panic as my shoulders drop toward my feet. “I have missed you every day since”
“Stop. Nope. I’ve missed you but we’re not talking about that day. Not now. Not here,” I cut him off before he can finish that sentence. That day is too painful and I’ve already vowed tonight to be fun.
“Ollie, we have to talk about it,” he says quietly.
“Probably. But not now, not in public,” I say, willing my voice not to break.
“Okay,” he agrees, wrapping me back into his arms. “Okay.”
We order more drinks, continue talking and listening to the people around us, and the music, and just take in our surroundings. The silence between us doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. He leaves his hand on the small of my back while we sit there. It feels natural and as if we’re falling back into our old ways. After having a few “Fog’s” as the locals call it, I’m feeling giddy and happy in his arms. I listen to Noah sing two more songs, the smile growing bigger with each song. Mark and Melinda, the owners, have popped out from the back a few times, trying to convince me to sing. Melinda even offers to sing a duet with me.
“Nope. Sorry, guys, not tonight,” I say, taking a giant sip of my drink, coughing slightly because it’s definitely more gin than juice. I know at this point there is no way either of us are going to be able to drive back to his house, let alone, me driving back to the farm tonight.
My heart rate skyrockets and panic starts to sink in. I know I can’t drive home, but what am I going to do? Stay with Noah? At his house? No.
Chapter 8
Noah
HoldingOllieislikeholding the warm sunshine. One that I’m not ready to let go of. It’s getting late but Ollie has finally relaxed into the night and we chat about her life in Milwaukee.
She may have lived there for the last ten years but still feels like a tourist so she, Caroline, and Savannah made a pact to do one thing a month to make them feel more like Milwaukee natives. Which is ironic because both girls are from big cities.
“Our townhouse is not far from the waterfront and one of my favorite things about the city is the way the sunsets over the water. It gives this perfect reflection of pinks and oranges into the river water that is just so calming and mind-cleansing after a hard day,” she describes.
“That sounds so nice, we spent most of our time in the desert, so the last time I saw the sunset over water was…I don’t even remember,” I reply.
Her face drops, not with sadness but concern for me, and my life overseas.
“Being so close to the parks, bookstores, restaurants, and bars is one of the most convenient things and it is the one thing I’d miss the most if we move outside the city,” Ollie replies with a hint of sadness to her voice. I stay quiet and continue to look at her as she elaborates “We have talked about moving outside of the city to a house with a yard for Gus, Mason’s dog, but every time it comes up we end up right back at the convenience factor.”
“Do you want to move out of the city?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“The short answer is no. Not immediately, having forever changing running trails, endless nights of live music, new restaurants, and monthly bookstore trips with Caroline are my entire life. They are the light in the hardest of days. Being able to come home, change, and walk to the park, place the blanket in the soft, vibrant green grass and listen to whatever local indie band is playing is like having a little piece of home it the city,” she answers.
Ollie has always loved being outside, but small-town Wisconsin made it difficult to spend time outside in the winter, which was the majority of the year. Especially living close to the lake, we get a lot of lake-effect snow, and if it's not winter it’s probably raining so being able to lose yourself in a fantasy world was her favorite way to hide away from the cold and the snow. Even as a child, when she was fighting with the boys, Penelope, or even her parents she often would “run away,” later to be found on a small wooden swing hanging from a tree in the backyard just staring off into space at the pond.
“It sounds like you guys already know the real answer then,” I say, unsure of why I feel disappointment with her excitement.
“Oh! And there is this really amazing margarita place, they have these skinny girl margs of various flavors. But the spicy cucumber jalapeno is to die for, literally.”
She continues to talk about Mexican food, and girl’s nights full of margaritas but I don’t really hear anything else she says because I can’t help but smile listening to her talk about her favorite city things, seeing how far she has grown since we first became friends in high school orientation. She has changed in so many ways. She’s more outgoing, sharing her passions instead of sitting in silence, fighting the internal monologue of public speaking and ice breakers; and more beautiful than ever. God, she really is beautiful.
I always thought she was cute but she has changed and matured into this beautiful, independent woman. Her chestnut hair is long and flowy, but not too long to be annoying. Her olive skin is permanently tan, but smooth and soft to the touch. She’s filled out perfectly from that rail-thin soccer player she was in high school. And she fits snugly into my side with my arm around her. Ollie’s nose is slightly crooked from when she broke it during a state soccer game but refused to stop playing once the bleeding stopped. But what gets me are those big hazel eyes and her impeccable smile. They will light up an entire room upon walking in.
At a few points throughout the night I want to tell her about my orders or lack thereof but, I chicken out each time. I'm finally getting Ollie back in my life and I don’t want that to change. I know it will, because after everything, she doesn’t even want to talk about that night. She’s still hurt and it’s because of me, I feel my heart starting to ache knowing that I’m the reason for that pain.
My phone buzzes and I know that it's either Bec or my mom checking in regarding our ability to drive home, and I quickly shoot a text back that we’re going to stay at the bed and breakfast here. Ollie’s looking at me confused, like she received a similar text, when I realize they created a group chat.Shit.
“Ollie, neither of us can drive, the bed and breakfast is open and it’s off-season,” I say
