“Oh, wow.”Dalton seemed genuinely surprised.“That’s a first.Congrats?”A pause.“Or maybe not, if it’s leading to mini-golf levels of stress?”
They moved on to the next hole.“It is kind of stressing me out,” he admitted.“I’m not good with this kind of...stuff.”
Dalton nodded.“So end it?”
Evan stopped short.End it?Yeah, that was probably the most logical thing to do, but his knee-jerk reaction wasabsolutely the fuck not.
“Sorry,” Dalton said.“Hit a nerve?”He dropped his golf ball and kicked it into place, not even looking at the course before hitting it down the purple turf.Evan made a face at the terrible form and the surprisingly terrible bounce that landed him at least three strokes away from the hole.
“Fuck, Dalty.Don’t worry about hitting nerves.Worry about hitting the ball.How many times we gone putting, and you still suck?”
Dalton stared at him, blinking like Evan had just spoken French to him.
“What?”
“That is the meanest chirp you’ve ever said to me.Like, you’re spot on, but wow.Usually it’s all ‘good try’ or ‘maybe next time do this’ or ‘not so hard’ or some shit like that.”He pointed at Evan.“You weren’t nice about it, though.Like, wow, my feelings got a little hurt there.”
“Sorry.I didn’t mean?—“
“Aaaand he’s back.”Dalton cut him off with a wave of his hand.“It’s fine.I do suck at this, but I’m more here for the company than the, uh, sport.But if you wanna coach me through how to fix this fuck-up, I’m all ears.”
They finished the last five holes like that, Evan finishing in one or two shots and then helping Dalton make his just over par.They returned their putters, then found a table in the back of the bar area and ordered some milkshakes.
“You sure know the way to a guy’s heart,” Dalton said after his first sip.The wording made Evan uncomfortable in ways he refused to think about.
“How are things going with your girlfriend?”Evan asked.“It was your one-month anniversary the other day, right?”
Dalton beamed.“Yeah, while we were in Maryland.I’m taking her out tomorrow after the game to this nice place downtown.She’s the best.”
“I’m glad,” Evan said and meant it.It was good to see someone so helplessly in love and know it was working out.“Must not be easy for her, dating a hockey player.”
“She’s super busy with her work, so it’s not too bad.Sometimes I’m in town and she’s the one traveling.Dose of my own medicine, right?”Dalton’s expression shifted, and he grew more serious as he asked, “Is that the problem with your hookup situation?That you travel too much?”
Evan wasn’t sure what his face did, but it felt kind of like a grimace.“Not exactly.”
Dalton raised his eyebrows, urging him to go on.
“It’s just...I’m not much of a hook-up kind of guy.It’s really casual, which I like, but when I’m with him, I can’t always think clearly and—“ He snapped his mouth shut.What had he just said?
There was a moment when it seemed Dalton didn’t notice, but then his eyes went wide.He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and then said, “So you’ve been hooking up with a guy?Is that why you’re stressing?”
That was just the tip of the iceberg, but that was the safest answer.It was also very true that Barczyk’s being male-shaped was one hurdle his mind was having trouble leaping over.
“Yes?”He realized it sounded like a question, so he added, “Yeah, kind of.”
“I can see why that would...complicate things,” Dalton said, brow pinched together.“Tell me to fuck off if this is none of my business, but is this an experience issue or are you worried you’d get in trouble with the team if they found out?”
The blood drained from his face.Oh God, if the Riveters found out he was having sex with Barczyk...“Both,” he said.“Definitely both.”
“Okay.Well, if your guy doesn’t care about the inexperience, I don’t think you should.”
Evan pushed aside his milkshake.He’d lost his appetite.“It’s not that I’m worried about the inexperience.I just...never thought of myself as gay.And I’m definitely not straight, even if this is just a random blip or exception or whatever.So every time I’m with him, it’s like I’m a different person than I was before, and I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Do you not want to be attracted to men?”Dalton asked.
Evan thought about that.Was his problem that he had some sort of internalized homophobia that he was working through?Maybe.He couldn’t remember ever being attracted to a guy before, not consciously, so it was more the abrupt shift in his internal compass that was freaking him out.Had it always been like this?How had he not noticed?Would he still be interested in men after this thing with Barczyk ran its course?
Would it run its course?
