“Sudden?” He laughed a little. “As I said, we have known each other our entire lives. No relationship could belesssudden than ours.”
“We have known each other an entire lifetime, it is true, but, Ollie, nothing is as it was before.”
“I know I was blind and that the ruse with Damon hurt you. But all that is behind us now.”
My heart jumped into my throat, and I felt as if I might suffocate.
He took my hand again. “Hannah Kent, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
I looked into Ollie’s eyes, and I could see our future. We would marry and move north to live at Winterset Grange. In time, children would be born to us. They’d inherit Ollie’s blond curls and my muddy eyes. It would be a good life, a blessed life.
He was offering every dream I’d ever had, but I felt no stirrings of happiness, no elation, no passion. My heart did not soar, and my bosom did not burn. There was only sadness where there should have been joy.
And in that moment, I knew.
I could never give my heart to Ollie because it already belonged to Damon.
“Ollie,” I whispered, and I moved to pull my hand from his.
He clasped my hand tighter between both of his. “Please don’t reject me, Hanny. I can make you happy. I know I can. Please.” His voice caught and he swallowed hard. “Pleaselet me.”
“I am so sorry, but I can’t.”
“Why not?” He searched my eyes as if looking for answers. “Because of Damon?”
I hung my head, not because I was ashamed for loving Damon, but because I could not bear the sight of hurting Ollie. “Yes.”
He shook his head. “I know I will never be a great lord like Damon. I will not inherit a grand estate or a vast fortune, but I will have the grange, and it will provide us with a sufficient living.”
“I do not love Damon for his estate or his fortune, Ollie.”
His brows knit together. “You . . .lovehim?”
“I do.”
“Hannah.” He took a deep breath. “I do not believe Damon was genuine in his affection toward you. What he did to you, luring you in with that ruse, was unacceptable, but abandoning you when the ruse no longer served him was unforgivable.”
“I know how it must seem to you, but wedolove each other.”
Ollie looked deep into my eyes, and his voice was quiet when he said, “He will never marry you.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“You just need time. I understand. I will wait for you. As long as you need.”
I might be able to nurture my feelings for Ollie, but it would never be enough; one look from Damon produced more excitement in me than Ollie’s proposal of marriage. Although I cared for Ollie immensely, I did not love him the way a woman should love the man she intends to marry.
IlovedDamon.
No matter how impossible it might be, it was Damon I wanted to come to my sickbed and ask after my health, to dance with me and ride horses together and challenge me at chess. And even though our circumstances prevented our union, I could not relegate Ollie to second place in my heart. To do so would be cruel. “You deserve to be more than my second choice.”
“I was yourfirstchoice. And had I not been so utterly blind, we would even now be planning our nuptials. I am guilty of many things, perhaps blindness most of all, but I have always loved you, Hannah. Marry me.” His eyes pleaded with me to love him, tomarryhim.
But even if I could convince myself to marry a man besides Damon, I could never marry Ollie. I could not live forever in orbit around Damon but never be allowed to touch him, never be allowed to kiss. I could not do it. Not to Damon, not to myself, and not to Ollie.
“I am so sorry, Ollie. But I cannot marry you.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face. “But ifhewill not marry you, andyouwill not marry me, then whatwillyou do?”
