“But you don’t love him,” Papa said.
I shook my head.
“Do you love Lord Jennings?”
I nodded. “He is a good man, Papa: hardworking, generous, and kind. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.”
“Does he not return your feelings?” Papa frowned as if confused.
“He does, but for reasons I can’t say, we cannot be together. I have made so many mistakes, Papa. I’ve hurt so many people.” I then told Papa how I’d lied to Amelia and deceived Lady Winfield.
He grimaced. “It is not like you to lie, Hannah.”
“No,” I agreed, “but you cannot know how desperate I felt. The future I’d dreamed of my whole life was slipping through my fingers like water. And I could not give it up, not without trying. I am not excusing my actions—what I did was wrong. I’m only trying to explain why I did what I did.”
“Love can make a person do things they never believed themselves capable of,” Papa said sadly.
“I hate that I have let you down. If only I had been constant to Ollie like Mama had wanted.”
Papa’s face smoothed with sympathy. “Dear girl, your mother did not want you to marry Ollie becausesheloved him. She wanted you to marry him because she thoughtyouloved him. If your feelings changed, she would not have wanted him for you.”
“But she knew me best. Even better than I knew what I wanted for myself. Perhaps if I had followed her wishes, I would not have lost everything.”
Papa shook his head. “Your mother was a wise woman, but she did not know the workings of your heart. First and forever, she wanted you to be happy.”
Papa’s words warmed me like a cup of tea, and I knew what he said was true. Mama had known what I’d wished for as a child, but she was no longer here. What was best for me now weren’t the dreams of my childhood, and I did not need to cling to them to please her. She would never want me to sacrifice my future happiness for her past dreams.
“I only wanted a love match like you and Mama had,” I said.
Papa’s head tilted to the side and he frowned. “I loved your mother more than life itself, Hannah, but we were not a love match.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Well,Iwas enamored with her from nearly the first moment I saw her, but I daresay my feelings were not reciprocated.” He chuckled. “I had a good name and a secure income, which enticed your grandparents into arranging the marriage. But as a second son of a second son of a second son who spent his days in service to the church, I fear I was a rather dull prospect for your fiery mother.”
“But Mama loved you,” I said. “I saw how much she cared for you with my own eyes.”
“Yes, well. With enough time and care, love can grow even when planted on stony ground.”
I shook my head. “I cannot believe your marriage was arranged.”
“Things were different back then.” He lifted one shoulder. “Love matches were not as common.”
How was this even possible? They had appeared so happy, so in love.
“Don’t be glum. I loved your mother, Hannah, and she loved me. How we began is not so important as the fact that we arrived.”
I nodded, but I had spent my whole life idolizing their relationship and wanting to emulate their love in my own life. And to find out they had not even chosen their marriage for themselves . . .
It was as if the painting of my life had been ripped from one frame and put into another. The painting was the same—the brush strokes of love, the same image—but somehow everything looked completely different now.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Henry and Georgiana arrived ona Monday, the boot of their carriage stacked high with trunks. Georgiana wore a light-blue traveling dress and a handsome hat adorned with peacock feathers, and Henry wore a simple coat and trousers: opposites in every way.
Papa embraced Henry and then Georgiana. “How was the journey?”
Georgiana frowned. “Rather bumpy,” she said and gave Henry a displeased look.
