‘Well, it should have been! You need to be more careful. What were you thinking, making assignations with someone like Martin? If he’d known who you were—’
‘You think he’d have blackmailed me?’
‘Not him, but someone like him might have tried it, and then where would you be?’
‘I know.’ Cassian’s head felt a little heavier on his chest as he said it. ‘That’s why— Ugh.’
‘What?’
‘I never, before— I’ve only ever had, uh, paid companions.You know. An extremely discreet, very expensive brothel. It was better than nothing, of course. Probably. Actually it was awful. Not the people, they were very pleasant, but I went four times and every time I felt wretched afterwards. But it was all that was available because at least that way one could guarantee discretion.’
Daizell squinted down at the top of his head. ‘You couldn’t just fuck an – well, not an equal, but at least an earl or some such?’
Cassian gave a laugh without mirth. ‘The opportunity has never arisen. For one thing, I’m Severn, and for another, I’m me.’
‘Rubbish. Don’t say that.’
‘It’s not false modesty. I know I’m not much to look at. I can’t complain, given everything else I was born with.’
‘You’re everything to look at. The problem is that peopledon’tlook,’ Daizell said. ‘They don’t see. Anyone who actually looked at you would see you’re beautiful, and if they let your dukedom get in the way of that, they’re a fool.’
Cassian raised his head at that, and the look in his yellow-grey eyes, the shape of his lovely, wistful mouth . . . Daizell pulled him up, and kissed him hard, and Cassian wrapped himself around him, clinging on. Daizell kissed his hair, his ear, anything that he could reach, and Cassian kissed his neck open-mouthed, hungry and urgent. ‘Daize. Lord. My good, my lovely Daize.’
Daizell knew that tone by now. ‘Talk to me,’ he whispered. ‘Please.’
And Cassian did, so gentle, so loving, whispering endearments, taking it long and slow so that Daizell spent again, soothed and shivering and cherished, in his tight embrace.
Chapter Seventeen
They lay in silence for a little while after that. Cassian was exhausted by all the talking, and Daizell looked much the same, but the desperate, sick misery had gone from his eyes. Even if they couldn’t make this work – and they would, he was determined they would – Cassian would always be thankful he’d been able to repair some of the damage he’d done.
‘Thank you for giving me a chance,’ he said aloud.
‘Mph. I’m glad you came back.’
‘So am I. And that I found you. And was there in time.’
‘That part was particularly good,’ Daizell said. ‘Not to say spectacular.’
‘Oh, don’t.’ Cassian buried his face in Daizell’s glinting chest hair. ‘Dramatic entries are not my forte.’
‘They truly are. It was a marvellous sight. Stalking up and giving that magistrate the fish-eye.’
‘I think you mean to say, asserting the natural authority of my position.’
‘Swinging your duke around.’
Cassian gave a yelp of startled laughter. Daizell grinned down at him, and Cassian smiled back, feeling a ridiculous bubble of joy expanding in his chest. ‘I may say, it is a great deal easier chasing people across the country in my own vehicle. I am proud that I have acquired experience of the stage, but I’m never taking it again as long as I live.’
Daizell blinked. ‘Wait. Your own? Does that mean you lost your bet?’
‘It doesn’t matter. I had to find you, and I didn’t want to lose time.’
‘What was the stake? Or – no.’
‘No?’
Daizell made a face. ‘If it was a guinea, or some such, I don’t think I want to know.’
