I sighed. Clearly mine was never meant to see the light of day.
If it could be controlled… The full thought wouldn’t dare resonate. It couldn’t be controlled.
I had managed to live with this curse of afocusthus far, already resigned to setting boundaries that I knew I couldn’t cross. After my friends were murdered, and my focus started to manifest, I’d resigned myself to the shadows even more. I went to work and returned home. I didn’t go out, I didn’t socialize, I didn’t date. I only shopped at small, indiscriminate grocers. I wore gloves, even during the summer months.
The one thing I’d sworn never to do was the one thing that turned out to be my downfall, just like I always thought it would be: putting myself in any proximity to the Sídhe Elite. The Nobility had the ability to trigger my anger with cruelty, and the Guard had the overwhelming power to rip me from the world of the living in any way they deemed fit.
And that’s exactly what had happened.
In the future, I’d need to be even more careful. But I’d have to do that somewhere else.
Somewhere new.
I reached into the small drawer of my bedside table, pulling out a leather pouch of coins. The contents of the sack were overwhelmingly silver rather than gold and didn’t bear much weight. I sighed.
I did own one other item of value, but every nerve in my body revolted at the thought of selling it.
Reaching into the nightstand drawer once more, I felt around for the small box I had hidden in the back corner, biting back apang of sadness as I found the dusty edges. I turned it over, and a small, gold bracelet tumbled onto the bed. It had come with me from Rifrdremar and was the only evidence I had of my previous life.
There was a knock on my door, and it creaked open, letting in sunlight from the hallway. I quickly threw the covers over myself. Through the thin sheet, I could make out Osta's silhouette.
“I know you don’t plan on staying here all day,” she chided. She pulled the sheet down with a swift motion that sent static electricity crackling through the air, causing my hair to raise in all directions.
“It doesn’t sound like the worst idea,” I mused, stretching my arms above my head in a yawn.
“Things have been sotenselately. Let’s go to the market, stock up for the week, and try to enjoy the last days of summer! Take your mind off things… well, after you give me updates, of course. How are you? Feeling better after the other night?”
“I really can’t today, Osta,” I said with a groan.
“It’s not a request, it’s an order,” she sang, pulling on my arm. “It’s not like you have anything better to do.”
I pondered for a few seconds, considering the long list of things that were undoubtedly better to do. Most revolved around getting the fuck out of this place as quickly as possible. I needed to continue planning my escape. Where I would go… How I’d get out of the city unseen. I’d never been far outside Luminaria.
But that everlasting guilt clawed at me once again. Because I loved her, perhaps more than I loved anyone or anything. And I knew how broken she would be without me.
Spending one last day with Osta… She deserved that. Maybe I could even explain myself. I winced, knowing how hard that conversation was going to be. A heaviness sank over me. Losing her seemed like the betrayal of a lifetime… but how could I stay? Ma and Osta needed to stay far away from me, even if they didn’t understand why.
“The market isn’t a bad idea. We actually have nothing to eat right now besides stale crackers and tea.” I shrugged, fighting back the mist in my eyes. Osta's mischievous smile appeared as she fixed my bedhead.
“My thoughts exactly! And we should both have a decent paycheck after last week, so let's treat ourselves today!”
Osta's idea of treating ourselves usually involved indulging in sweets and snacks that would likely disappear before the week began anew. A sad smile found its way to my lips–I was going to miss her. But for once, I was taking control of my life, making a decision that would protect everyone. It was long overdue.
Osta found her way to my closet and began picking out a few pieces to make up an outfit, tossing them on the end of the bed. She didn’t have much to choose from. Most of my clothes bore the stains of unruly herbs.
“Do you still have that dark green cloak with the hood?” I asked nonchalantly.
Osta turned towards me, narrowing her eyes. “Since when are you interested in fashion?”
“I’m not… My skin is just feeling a bit sensitive today. I was hoping I could use the hood.” I shrugged, hoping my curiosity seemed genuine. Truthfully, I’d feel much safer walking around the market with a layer of fabric between me and any guards that might be manning that part of the city.
My hair was certainly easy to spot in a crowd. Hiding would prove difficult if Ashford had given anyone a description of me.
He had told me that no one knew what I had done, but blindly trusting his word seemed like a stupid thing to do.
“Well, I’ll have to pick out something different for you to wear.” She twisted her lips, sinking her weight down onto one hip. “But sure, I can figure something out.” She sauntered off back into her room and returned with a folded stack of garments.
And with that, I rolled out of bed and pulled my hair back into a knot, slipping the gold bracelet into my pocket.
