He nodded and smiled, and Astrid wondered how she was going to leave him without looking back. He was everything she never knew she wanted in a partner. She was throwing away the only love that had come her way so far in her life, and for what? Okay, for an amazing opportunity to work on a significant research project that would hopefully lead to other opportunities in the future. However she span it, however she talked herself in and out of staying in Iceland, the fact was that she didn’t want her career to end on a whale-watching tour boat at thirty-five. She’d loved it, had been surprised at how much she got from the interaction with the guests and how good it felt to share the knowledge she’d built up. But deep down she knew it wouldn’t be enough for her. And she didn’t want to risk the day coming where she’d resent Leifur for being the reason she chose it. That’s exactly why he’d told her not to look back, because he didn’t want that either.
So at the end of the night when it felt like the most natural thing in the world to walk back to her apartment hand in hand, they said goodbye and Leifur headed off toBrimfaxiforanother evening in the forward berth.
‘He’s not staying at yours tonight?’ Sol asked. They were walking back together while Thor stayed behind to close up.
‘No, I’m leaving on Tuesday for a new job in Costa Rica.’
‘That’s such a shame. We’ve only just got to know each other. And what about you and Leifur?’
‘We’re not going to do long distance,’ said Astrid. ‘Reykjavik isn’t really my home. I thought it could be for the summer at least, but I don’t know if I’ll come back after this job finishes.’
‘Not even to pick up with Leifur again?’
‘It’s too much to ask him to wait when I don’t know when I’ll be back. We decided it’s better to have had a great time together but call it a day.’
‘Oh my god, that sounds so thought through. Aren’t you going to miss him like mad?’
‘Yes.’ Her heart ached thinking about it. They only had three more days on the boat together.
‘I’ve been meaning to explain about the pregnancy tests in the toilet cistern.’
‘Sol, you don’t have to.’
‘Months ago, I thought I was pregnant and I was worried Thor would find the test so I hid it but then before I could take the test, I got my period and then forgot to take them out.’
‘Are you guys trying?’
‘Not really. We’ve talked about it but we’re not trying yet.’
‘I can’t imagine knowing when the right time would be.’
‘I know. That’s part of the problem. So you and Leifur, is it the real thing?’
‘It’s the closest I’ve ever got.’
‘I’d never be able to leave if I felt like that, but then I’ve never had a career like yours. Do you think you’ll ever settle back here one day?’
‘I’ve never really thought about it. It’s hard to know in this career where you’re going to end up. It could be teaching, it could be working in a research institute or for a charity. Until now I’ve taken the next step when I had to without planning ahead but now, I’m starting to realise that if I want to settle down anywhere, I need to make some longer term decisions.’
‘Probably,’ Sol agreed. ‘It’s hard falling in love and then having to leave, especially when it’s someone as lovely as Leifur.’
‘It is, but it’s harder imagining staying in one place for the rest of my life.’
‘You’re doing the right thing then.’ Sol linked her arm in Astrid’s. ‘You’ll never be happy if you compromise on the things that are most important to you. You love Leifur, but going all in and giving up your career based on knowing him for a few weeks is crazy in anyone’s world.’
Astrid nodded. Sol was talking complete sense, and in her heart she knew she was doing the right thing, but that didn’t make it easy.
29
THE LAST DAYS on the boat before Astrid left were wonderful and dreadful at the same time. They saw the fin whale again two days in a row, and Leifur loved seeing how excited she was about that and was thrilled she was leaving on a high. Eva was hesitant about taking over the commentary from Astrid, but she’d done the middle tour two days in a row while Astrid manned the galley, and it had gone very well.
It was heartbreaking knowing that this was what he was going to be missing when she left. She was the reason he looked forward to coming to work. She’d been part ofBrimfaxisince the boat had had her facelift, and there was going to be a gaping Astrid-sized hole in his day, every day for as long as he could imagine.
Worse still, Jonas had had no luck finding a suitable replacement for Eva and had suggested they use Isak. He was waiting on the quay on Saturday evening when they got back to the harbour.
‘We need someone, he needs a job and if he’s anything like you, he’ll get stuck into whatever needs doing,’ said Jonas.
Leifur didn’t feel he could disagree, especially since Jonas had already said he had run out of options and they needed an extra person before Tuesday.
