While she had time to spare on the train journey, she designed an entry form and a poster for the children’s treasure hunt she’d decided to have in the library to coincide with the Christmas lights switch-on in Croftwood. It was a distraction from where she was going and what was going to happen when she got there, as well as a job which had to be done. Despite the single-mindedness that had gripped her when she’d decided to confront Alex, her nerve was deserting her in direct proportion to how close she was getting to London.
It wasn’t in her nature to take a stand against anything or to stand up for herself. Especially that. But seeing Amy sweep in and take Oliver, getting exactly what she wanted, and then coming to the library to flaunt it, that was where her drive had finally come from. She had spent too long letting her life meander wherever it may, being manipulated and shifted in different directions by other people when the only person who had the right to do that was her.
When the train pulled into Paddington, Lois caught the Tube to Bank and walked the short distance to Alex’s offices, on a side road off Fenchurch Street. As she’d never been there before, she’d done some googling to work out where she needed to go. Luckily his company occupied the whole building so Lois was able to go straight to the reception and ask to talk to him.
‘Is he expecting you?’ asked the receptionist, picking up a phone to call him but stopping midway, holding it away from her ear to demonstrate the power she held for that particular moment.
‘No, it’s a surprise,’ said Lois, smiling in what she hoped was a conspiratorial manner.
‘Lovely,’ she said, sounding like it was anything but. ‘Take a seat.’
Lois sat down opposite the desk and watched as the woman called Alex. Everyone was dressed for business but rather than feeling out of place Lois was grateful that she got to express herself however she liked every day and she secretly hoped it would embarrass the hell out of Alex when he saw her in her dungarees and docs.
A couple of minutes later, he emerged from the lift wearing his overcoat. He looked so smart that Lois momentarily felt a little thrill run through her before remembering very quickly that the image he portrayed didn’t meet the reality.
He marched towards her, grabbed her hand as she stood up to greet him and said in a low, urgent voice, ‘Leave it until we get out of here.’
She’d known he would be surprised but she was quite taken aback at his brusque tone. He knew her better than to think she was going to make a scene. Maybe he really was embarrassed by her. They walked out of the building and he didn’t speak again until they reached the end of the street.
‘What are you doing here, Lois? You can’t just turn up like this.’ He was pacing around in front of her. It was quite an overreaction.
‘We need to talk, Alex. Face to face. You don’t reply to my texts and when I saw you in Worcester you hadn’t told me you’d be back and then even though I arranged to stay out for the whole day you still didn’t collect your stuff.’
His shoulders slumped and he stopped pacing. ‘I’ve got half an hour. Come on, let’s grab a drink.’
They crossed the road and Alex led them down the side of the Walkie-Talkie building, going inside a door at the back. He flashed a card at a security person on the door and they were waved over to a lift.
‘I thought you meant a coffee,’ said Lois.
‘This is a bit nicer than Costa,’ Alex said, as he concentrated on the light display above the lift doors.
The lift was extremely fast and when it opened on the 32nd floor, Lois hadn’t expected that they would be that high so quickly. They were in what was effectively a huge, curved greenhouse which covered the top of the building. There was a cafe, a pricey-looking restaurant and a cocktail bar nestled amongst plants and trees galore. Alex bought them both a coffee and led the way outside onto the terrace where they could enjoy the panoramic view of the City of London and the River Thames.
They stood side by side in silence for a few minutes.
‘I’m sorry if I shocked you by coming here, Alex but I just need things to be finished between us. You need to get your stuff and leave properly.’
He leant on the balustrade, his coffee hovering over the heads of unknowing people below. ‘I know.’ He sighed and bowed his head. ‘I know it was me that called it off and I still think it was the right thing to do but I suppose part of me thought maybe this London thing wouldn’t work out and I could come back.’
‘You wouldn’t be coming back for me though. I’m not just a convenient backup plan, a place to come to when there’s no other option. We’re over, Alex and everything that goes with it is over too. Did you really think that I’d have you back after all of this?’
He looked at her and she could tell that he did think that she was his backup option. And what was worse, she knew that a few months ago when he’d first left, she probably would have considered it if he’d wanted to come back, but not anymore. Even if she never found anyone else, that was better than being with Alex who didn’t love her.
‘I’m doing this for us, Alex. I’m pretty sure you know that, and avoiding me, avoiding what needs to be done, it’s not fair on either of us. Get your stuff, Alex. Make a new life for yourself here, if that’s what you want. This is your chance to start afresh, do what you want to do with no ties or anything.’
‘And what are you doing, Lois? Are you okay?’ It was the first time she could remember him ever really asking her if she was okay.
‘I’m great. Work is the best challenge I’ve ever had in my life and I’m happy.’
‘Good. It’s been hard to let go. I thought I’d come to London and work in the week then come home to you at the weekends and that everything would stay the same.’
‘That was never going to happen and it’s good that you realised that because I’m not sure I would have. I was so used to how things were that I didn’t stop to think about whether we were happy. And I don’t think we were, or at least not happy enough, not like we both deserve.’ She was being kind including him in her assessment of how things had been between them. She was fairly sure he’d been quite happy having her to hang around with whenever his mates weren’t around. He’d probably accepted that he hadn’t been madly in love with her and he was fine with that. But since she’d met Oliver, her idea of what a relationship should be, and what she was going to hold out for, had completely changed.
‘I felt like I was living the worst part of both lives and that I needed to choose and I chose this.’
‘You didn’t tell me any of that, Alex. We never talked about it properly. Why?’
‘Would it have made any difference if we’d talked about it?’
