I’ll eat this offering shit andforcethe high to take effect before I ever give up. I turn the coarse herbs over and over in my palm, trying to understand why it won’t do what I want it to do. Some people say there’s a tolerance for drugs. You need more and more to achieve the same effect after a while.
Do I make another trip to the Reveries? Come crawling over to them like some sort of offering addict looking for their next fix?
Fuck, I guess I will.
What have I become? Who am I?
My sinful half, my demon half, is finding new ways to sink its claws into my life. But I’d get addicted all over again if it means having Violence.
I stand abruptly. The grass beneath me lies at bent angles. It’s pushed down and wilting from the abundance of time I spent in this exact same spot. It won’t be long before frost passes over and coats everything in crystals. The Wild Hunt has woken with ice crystals on our lashes more times than I can count.
“Where are you going?” Carver looks up.
“To the Reveries. This isn’t strong enough. I need a new offering, I think. I need—Ineedsomething else.”
Carver’s bright eyes dart across my features. The look he gives me is one I’ve seen him give Jeriko a thousand times. It’s a look that says I’m out of my damn mind.
Maybe I am.
“You really think more offerings from those Elder Witches is the best solution?” Anger strikes across his face. His wide hands wipe dirt from his pants before he stands and plants his hands on his hips. “You aren’t even looking for her anymore. You’re just zoning out and hiding away with her. You’re choosing hercompanyover herfreedom. You’re being a selfish fuck.” His jaw snaps closed as if he’s forcing himself not to say more.
Rage rips through me, but it doesn’t process in my mind. It simmers, just under the surface of my skin. It sends small pinpricks of pain under my scalp. The points of my teeth even feel sharper, yet, I simply stare at him.
Because he’s right.
I can’t have her here with me, so I’m settling for being there with her. Which doesn’t help anyone.
“I’m still going. They knew. They knew I’d be able to find Violence. Their babbling bullshit better be able to tell me how they knew. We shouldn’t have left without an answer in the first place.”
Before I can even turn my back on my friend, he says something that stops me in my tracks.
“You’re right. Let’s go.”
Guilt sinks through my stomach. It’s then that I remember he loves her. Sadly, I know he loves her in a way I might never understand. Carver loves selflessly while I love selfishly.
He squares his shoulders, sets his jaw, and pushes past me.
* * *
The cave is exactly how I remember it. A million miles in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere with the moon still shining down on their sky-stretching mountain. Only this time, when we enter, I don’t cough on the smoke. The smell doesn’t cause me to wrinkle my nose.
Instead, I inhale deeply. One by one, my muscles relax. Each step becomes easier as we make our way to the Reveries. Carver’s hand settles between my shoulder blades, and only then do I realize that my eyes are practically closed.
Focus. Fucking focus.
“Watch your step,” Carver says as the floor tilts with jagged rocks. I can hear the bitterness within him. Guilt grabs ahold of my stomach and twists.
I can have her, but he can’t. I can hold her while he just sits and babysits my physical body, praying to every god that she’s alright. He has let me be selfish. Carver’s a good friend, a damn good friend.
I don’t want to think about the kind of friend I am.
It’s his voice that breaks through the spell of the offerings. My heavy eyelids blink, and we’re suddenly standing before the Elder Witches once more.
“How can we find where she’s being held?” His voice is steady, his face serene compared to what I’m sure is a mixture of anxiety, anger, and fear stirring inside of him. I know that’s what I’m feeling.
The Witch who helped us last time is still disconnected from her sisters. She sits on the ground weaving new bundles of dried herbs. Big white eyes look up to meet Carver’s, and a chill runs through me at the sight of her empty gaze.
“Reach back into the depths of your thoughts.” The melody of her tone is almost in sync with the humming tune of her sisters who sway together beneath the storm clouds that brew over their heads. “Find where you found her last, and who you seek will come to you first.”
