And then it fights its way out in blurting words. “I love you so fucking much, Izzy. All I feel inside myself is you. It scares the fucking shit out of me to feel all these things and try to figure out what they mean but I know what this feeling is. I know because it’s fucking terrifying and intoxicating all at the same goddamn time. I love you. I think I always have. I wanted to say it to you on prom night. I just—Iloveyou.”
Fuck. Why did I say all that shit? My chest rises and falls with terrified rasps of breaths. This feeling is entirely new to me and in a sense it’s overwhelming. But I can’t keep keep the words in any longer than I already have.
A smile pulls at her lips. Delicate fingers brush along my lips and I almost wish they could shove those vomiting words back in.
“I love you too, Phoenix.”
My lips part. My chest expands. I’ve never felt my heart beat before but it’s bursting with happiness right now.
“Yeah?” I ask like I might talk her out of it.
“Yeah,” she whispers back with a smirk like I’m a total fucking idiot, and I really believe I am right now.
Her lips brush slowly to mine and I love the taste of her, the way her lips part beneath mine and her tongue waits for me, sliding along mine the moment I invite her to. My palm pushes down her spine, over the curve of her ass and so, so low until I feel her wetness against my fingertips.
But then logic glares down on me as I remember the real issues that are still here as I make out with my girlfriend like we have zero fucking cares in the world.
My straining cock wants to punch myself in the dick for pulling back from her flawless fucking naked body.
“Tell me what happened, Iz,” I whisper, my head still leaning into hers just faintly.
“I don’t want to think about all that,” she says back, her mouth still hovering over mine with so much damn desire kissing her words it’s hard for me to even think.
“Who took you there, baby?” My arms tighten around her. “Tell me what happened so I can protect you.”
“I don’t know who took me. And I don’t need you guys to baby me anymore.” Her tone has a biting edge, but she’s still pressing slow kisses to my lips and I want so fucking badly to give in and kiss her back.
“I know. I know you don’t need me,” a sigh cuts through my words and then she’s cutting me off too.
“That’s not what I said.” A sound of pain stings her tone. “I just—I’m okay. It was confusing and exhausting. There was Osmodeus and terrible illusions and it’s so... so messed up that I felt like I belonged there and that I’m fucked up for feeling that way.”
Osmodeus. A higher demon.
“You’re not fucked up,” I say adamantly but it doesn’t change the lost sound of her voice.
“I’m just not ready to talk about it. I don’t know.” She looks down into the darkness between us, not meeting my eyes.
Fuck.
I want to tell her over and over again that there’s nothing wrong with her. That she’s as close to fucking perfect as I’ve ever seen but I also don’t want to push her. I don’t understand my own emotions, how the fuck am I supposed to help someone else with theirs?
Maybe I’m not.
My palms slip beneath her big wings. I pull her into a tight hug, her smooth curves melding against me and I don’t know how, but I never once think about sex as I hold her in my arms.
I just hold her.
I comfort her.
I love her.
The best that I can.
Fourteen
Syko
Their whispers quiet in the dark as they fall asleep and I can’t help but still watch her as she sleeps soundly. Coincidentally, so is Saint.
