I dart out of his reach anyway, but keep grinning, keep my persona alive. And repeat the mantra in my head that’s been stuck on repeat ever since I stepped on the stage.It’s an act. A performance. It’s not real.
I hold on to that through every verse and bridge as I trot and dance over that stage. I do it for the music, for my band, for our combined goal. I do it for the label, because they expect this of me, I do it for our hopes and dreams. And I do this for the audience, because they arelovingit.
It might look magical to them, though, it is not magical for me.
When the last note fades and the lights go out once more, I can’t get off that stage fast enough.
Foregoing the shower in the shared dressing rooms, I throw my earpiece and mic at the nearest crew member, and get the hell out of there. I feeldirty, contaminated, foul. It feels like I just sold part of my soul on that stage, so I need to get away from them, him.
Also, and that’s a big also, I don’t want to be late with talking to Tyler on his birthday. And Lamar. Somehow, those goofballs share a birthday.
I know that there’s a time difference, but I still want to call him when the clock strikes midnight here. So, I get out of the venue in a hurry, aiming for the buses.
Normally, there would already be hordes of fans outside at the back door. But since I’ve never darted this quickly from a show, it’s still relatively quiet back here. A few people are already lingering near the fences though, and I scribble a couple of autographs, faking a smile for some pictures before beelining it to the still empty bus. I don’t know where my band members are, and at this point I don’t really care.
After taking the quickest shower known to man in the crowded bathroom with almost no water pressure, I pull on only a pair of boxer briefs over my damp hips since the towels here suck, before hoisting myself up in my bunk and closing the curtain.
Alone. Finally.
Releasing a breath, I feel myself relax as I quickly check my emails to see if everything is in place for Tyler’s birthday present before I FaceTime him. Even though I’m grateful that I get the chance to do this, to live this amazing opportunity given to me, there are these moments where it’s like I’m not living my own life, but it gets lived for me.
Today was one of those days.
But as always, once I see Ty’s exquisite features as he picks up, everything is right in the world again, the stars fucking align and I forget my worries for a bit.
The dimples I love so much pop at me as he smiles.
“Hey,” I greet him, and as per usual, it takes a few seconds for the both of us to justlookat each other, to settle, to take one another in, confirm we’re still okay, stillus. “Happy twenty-second birthday, baby.”
Light flashes over his soft smile, and if I’m correct, he’s in the back of a car.
“Thanks, Jacie. It’s not my birthday yet, though. We have a couple of hours to go on this side of the country.” His eyes soften. “How was your show?”
I let out a sigh. “Well, kinda what we expected, really.”
He scrunches up his nose. “Yeah, I saw some live feeds... Didn’t like how he was all over you.”
“Me neither… I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“I’m sorry you have tolivethat.”
I smile. He’s always so understanding,toounderstanding. I love him for it, but I want to do right by him, always. “I’ll try to evade his grabby hands better next time, now that I know what to expect.”
“It’s okay; it’s an act, Jacie. I know that. I know it’s part of the job description. We chose this, right? It’ll get better soon, once you don’t need them for publicity.”
“I don’t know. I hope so? Jodie says so,” I reply, sighing, pushing my damp hair back.
I can tell that he’s checking the movement out by his humming when his gaze roams over my undressed shoulders. “Are you naked?”
The corner of my mouth pulls up, and I bite my bottom lip, glad of the change in topics and loving how responsive to me he is, even over the phone. “Maybe. Itisyour birthday, after all. I thought I would give you a little preview of your present.” I hold out my phone, letting him take his fill of me as I let my hand wander over my abs and settle on my already half-erect cock, still safely tucked away behind my boxers.
He lets out a groan for real now as I refocus the camera on my face. “Oh, don’t tease me, that’s just mean. I can’t do shit about it since me and Lamar are on our way to Tight Spot with the new neighbors.” Ah, so heisin a car. “But what’s the actual present, if this is only a sneak peek? Did you make another one of those videos?”
“Did you like it?” I know exactly what video he’s referring to, having sent him something hot to watch last night after our call. Since we can’t have the real thing, we’ll have to make do in whatever way we can.
“I think I’ve watched it over a thousand times already.” He bites the tip of his tongue, eyes twinkling. “The real thing is better, though.”
“I know.” My smile falters and my mood plummets. He’s right. Even though the pics and naughty videos—and yeah, the occasional dirty video call—are fun, it could never top having him in the flesh.
