‘Yes, men and women can be good friends without having to take it any further.’
But Mo just laughed.
‘Ah, you’re setting yourself up for an almighty fall, sister,’ she said, delighted to be up on a pedestal of righteousness for a change. ‘It’s not often I’m the one to give you advice, but I can see it a mile off when you’re best buddies with a soon-to-be-married man. There’s a steam train coming your way. It’s called reality.’
‘He’s so gorgeous,’ said Shannon, flicking her hair back, her teenage eyes going all dreamy as if she was talking about her favourite boy-band member. ‘At least, what I can remember of him, he was.’
‘You couldn’t possibly remember a lot about him, Shannon,’ I said, trying to dilute their admiration over his good looks and trying to ignore the sting of what Mo justsaid. ‘And thanks for your concern, Mo, but there’s no steam train coming my way. He’s a very, very good friend – in fact I’d now call him one of my best friends – so you can all calm down a bit.’
‘Just be careful,’ my mother said with concern, and I knew she wasn’t referencing his forthcoming marriage. ‘There are people around here who wouldn’t exactly approve of David’s background and your friendship or whatever it is with him.’
I don’t need to ask who the people around here are. Sean McGee and his cronies might think they rule the world, but their patch is very, very small and they like to guard it tightly when it comes to the political divide especially.
‘Didn’t he go off to join the Navy or something?’ Mum asked me. ‘My God, Kate, are you—?’
‘The RAF,’ I corrected her, knowing she is exactly right in her warning, ‘but he’s a teacher now and he wants nothing to do with military life, just like I’m nothing to do with my background. Neither of us chose to be born into the family situations we were brought into.’
I didn’t mean to jab at my mother or sister, but their own choices of men, especially Shannon’s father, the notorious Sean McGee, left a lot to be desired.
‘Be careful, darling,’ my mother said, giving me a stern warning again. ‘As well as those in our own neighbourhood breathing down your neck, the old reverend has been up to some antics too. He’s had his hands dirty in the past byprotecting a lot of his own, believe it or not, and his circle of friends would never be mixing with ours. They’re arch enemies.’
‘Really?’ I asked, interested more than ever now.
‘I’m saying no more.’
‘And you talk to him every day?’ asked Mo, taking off her glasses to dry off the steam from the sink beside her. ‘Never mind your very different backgrounds for a second, you talk to him every day and his fiancée knows this and is fine with it? Huh, maybe she’s blinder than I am, and that’s saying something.’
She fixed her glasses, laughing at her own joke.
‘Lesley has absolutely nothing to worry about,’ I insisted, as my stomach gave a twist knowing deep down that was a lie. ‘And neither do any of the watchdogs around these parts, or the old reverend, so let’s just leave it at that. I should never have mentioned his name.’
‘I think you’d be best to leave it at that with David Campbell,’ said my mother. ‘I’m sure he’s a lovely person, but I don’t think he’s for you, Kate.’
I left my family home after that conversation and ran back to the safety of my own nest in Dublin where I could talk to David every day if I wanted, where I didn’t have to worry about others’ opinions, and where no one, not even Lesley, could come between our close bond. Until now of course.
Until this baby news that has made us both come back to earth with an almighty thud.
Will this huge and important change in his life change our friendship? Once the baby comes along he will be so busy, and rightly so, and I doubt our daily updates and deep and meaningful conversations will be at the forefront of his mind. Not to mention our close-to-the-edge conversations and that kiss …
‘I just didn’t see this coming at all,’ says David, who is now on a one-way-track rant that I’m only just zoning in and out of at this stage. ‘I was so focused on other stuff like work and all my responsibilities, not to mention Mum and her sickness. Lesley says she really wants us to get married now and keep the baby. Kate, I’ve really fucked it up but I need to stand by Lesley and I know we kissed and I can’t help the way I feel about you but—’
‘I really need to get ready for work, David,’ I interrupt him.
I can’t listen to any more. My shift starts at four p.m. and it’s already past lunchtime, so I need to make some proper food and get ready, but the very thought of food makes my stomach churn. It’s like I’m a third party looking in on this little family-to-be. When it comes to the crunch, my sister is actually right: all I’m doing is setting myself up for a fall. I need to step back. I need to walk away and let them get on with their lives before my involvement is damaging to either of us.
I clutch my own empty womb, feeling its pain as it yelps out in agony for the sadness I feel. I need to end thisconversation because I need to sort out my own feelings about this and, right now, I feel like I could cry.
DAVID
I try to control my clashing emotions as I sit here in an unfamiliar hospital corridor, and do my best to ignore the urge to run away and jump on a plane to take me away from here.
I hate myself for feeling this way. Why do I feel like I can’t breathe? Why are the walls of this place closing in on me? Like everything is so out of my control and everything is falling down around me.
I lean my head back on the cold wall behind me and I force my mind back to when I first met Lesley at the recruitment afternoon for the RAF three years ago to help me realize just how ‘lucky’ I am right now. She stood out in the crowd so much with her neat blonde hair tied back, her bright red lipstick. I followed her around the room with my eyes, knowing that when it was my turn to discuss career options with someone for the team, I’d be sent over to her. I’m instinctive like that and always have been. If I’m thinking of someone out of the blue, chances are I’ll hear from them on the same day, or if I’ve someone on my mind, I could easily bump into them moments later.
It was like that with Kate that day in the shop. I knew I’d seen her somewhere before but I also knew that – giventhe chance – we’d get to know each other and become great friends, or even more. I felt the connection with her, and as I sit here digesting this unexpected news, I try to cast my mind back to the day when I felt a similar connection to Lesley to help me process the fact that she and I are going to have a baby.
She had an open, welcoming and friendly smile that day, and I saw her eyes light up when I came her way. We flirted instantly as she handed me leaflets and explained in detail all the options that lay in front of me.
