‘You sure did, Ben,’ I say, in full agreement. ‘Practice makes perfect, isn’t that what they say, so Aidan, you’d better get working on that speech right away.’
By the time we’ve finished our meal I have shaken off any of my inner conspiracy theories that have threatened my entire last night and day in this magical city, and I start to view our future with some hope again.
Aidan, I guess, has done his best with his time while we were here. I knew he was coming back here to New York in June to sort out his business, I knew that business meant dealing with not only his male counterparts but also Rachel as a business partner, and I knew that Mabel’s mission to bring Ben and me here this weekend was totally out of the blue and very short notice to someone as busy as Aidan.
We didn’t have any time alone to share together intimately, but Ben and I have made some wonderful memories, and when I see the smile on Ben’s face as he skips alongside Aidan down the busy street, I remind myself just how far we’ve come already and how patient I’m going to have to be to see us through until that wonderful date in October when our true future can finally begin.
I hold that thought as I walk a few steps behind Aidan and Ben, unable to hide now the smile on my face as I watch them chatter as they walk, and also as Aidan points out buildings and monuments of interest along the way. Weonly have an hour or so left before we leave for the airport and journey back to our life in Ballybray, so I stop briefly at a newspaper stand we pass to buy some souvenirs.
‘How much for the cute little teddy bear?’ I ask the vendor, who is rubbing his hands at the prospect of the sale. He has Statue of Liberty branded merchandise of all shapes and sizes, T-shirts, postcards, posters, and coasters, but for some reason my eye is drawn to a fluffy white bear with an American flag on his belly. I want something to remember our stay here, and I think he’ll do the job.
Aidan and Ben stop in their tracks ahead of me, noticing me when I wave in their direction, and they make their way back towards me as Ben eagerly spots a keyring of the Statue of Liberty.
‘I’m getting one for Gino,’ he declares, taking out his little wallet, which is still stuffed with dollar bills from Mabel’s generous donation.
I banter with Aidan when he tries to pay for the teddy against my will, and then, just as he’s about to hand over the dollars to the hungry and eager vendor, the world stops around me at the sight of a photograph on the front page of a business newspaper.
‘Wait a minute, I’ve changed my mind!’ I say to Aidan, stopping him from sealing the deal.
In slow motion, I turn my head towards him. He hasn’t noticed it yet and when I force my eyes back towards the multiple images of the same photo printed in colour, with aheadline that reads ‘Bowen and Murphy – New York’s Property Power Couple’, I honestly think I’m going to be sick.
The photo of course is of Aidan and Rachel at the ‘no big deal’ dinner the night before, dressed in their finery as he kisses her on the cheek for the camera, with his eyes closed. I take a second to absorb her look as the world stops spinning around me.
Rachel is a world away from me, and I can see that in the photo I was the last thing on Aidan’s mind. She is all solid gold jewellery, subtle sophistication, and bags of glamour in her knee-skimming black dress, a perfectly pert gym-toned bottom, miles of legs, and skyscraping designer shoes on her feet that will probably never be worn again. She oozes money and style. Her glossy red lips form a perfect ‘O’, and her bejewelled hand goes to her perfectly proportioned cleavage, while Aidan, with his eyes closed, plants a puckered-up kiss on her cheek.
I’m dizzy and I can’t speak.
My heart is thumping and I can feel sweat patches form under my arms in the vintage denim dress I bought yesterday, which now feels frumpy, and I’m sure I can smell mothballs from it. I put my hand out for Ben, to try to steady my nerves, but the searing sensation I feel in my heart just won’t go away, and I realize it’s the pain of deep emotional hurt.
Aidan, who by now has spotted the newspaper too, is frozen, unable to speak, and it’s as though he has stabbed me in the back, only right in front of my eyes.
Ben browses along the stand, lost thankfully in a world of his own, while I do my best to stand up straight in deep shock at what I’ve just witnessed. I hand the teddy bear back to the vendor and walk away, taking Ben by the hand and pulling him along beside me.
‘What’s wrong, Mum? Why didn’t you take the bear?’ he asks, but I can’t answer him yet. Bile rises in my gut and I can feel every hair on my arms and on the back of my neck as shock engulfs every inch of me, inside and out.
‘Roisin, please don’t read this the wrong way!’ Aidan pleads as he plays catch-up behind us, trying to reach out to me physically, but I subtly shrug him away. I’m afraid if he comes any closer I might vomit, as the meal from earlier washes around my stomach as if it’s on a spin cycle, and my eyes blur in shock. ‘It was all for publicity! You know how these things work, Roisin! Come on! Hear me out at least!’
‘Ben, try and keep up, honey. We’ve a flight to catch,’ I say, unable even to recognize my own voice. ‘We don’t want to miss our plane back home.’
I feel as if I’m drunk or drugged as I weave through people on the street, and when we reach Aidan’s car, I beg myself to stay composed for Ben’s sake. This is not how I want to end his dream-like trip to New York.
I think of Mabel’s photo framed in his little suitcase that lies in the boot of the car, the Statue of Liberty trinket he clutches in his hand and the way he hasn’t stopped hummingalong to the songs ofThe Lion Kingthat he says won’t leave his head.
I must stay composed. I must find a stiff upper lip until I get away from here, and most of all, I must learn once and for all in life to always listen to my gut instinct and to never, ever believe a man when he says he loves me ever again.
The journey to the airport, which Aidan insists on driving to himself even though I wanted to get a taxi, consists of him pretending everything is absolutely fine in front of Ben, and me biting my tongue from saying exactly what I’m thinking and ruining Ben’s whole trip because of it.
‘When can we come back again, Aidan?’ Ben chirps up from the back seat as we do our best to weave through Sunday night traffic in New York. ‘Do you think we could come and live here someday, Mum? I really liked our hotel room. The bed there’ssomuch bigger than my own at home. And we didn’t do the helicopter ride, but Aidan says we can do that next time, didn’t you, Aidan?’
And to think that just last night, as Aidan and I shared our deepest fears and dreams in the hotel suite, I’d actually contemplated that moving here to be with him might be an option one day. It was a fleeting thought, and one I’d have to think long and hard about, but what’s a year in a lifetime with someone you love?
I can’t even answer my son as I’m afraid of being sarcasticand hurtful, and as much as I’m so disappointed in Aidan, I still can’t bring myself to hurt him before we say goodbye in front of Ben.
Aidan is trying so hard to make eye contact at every given opportunity when we stop at lights or when traffic gets heavy, but I can’t pretend that nothing has changed. He has been spending cosy nights out with his so-called ex-wife, as if they’re still together and was quoted in the article as saying she was ‘his rock following a recent family bereavement in Ireland’ and ‘the one person he could turn to when the chips are down in life’.
I feel so sick.
‘Can we do “best parts”, Mum?’ Ben asks me, making my heart bleed as he remembers a long held tradition of ours where we’d sum up our day after being somewhere new with our very own highlights. ‘My favourite part wasThe Lion King! Actually, no, it was definitely the big store – what did you call it again? Spacy’s?’
