I can just imagine her teetering along in high heels, a feathered gown draped around her shoulders trailing on the floor behind her like a 70s version of Lady Gaga, and a sparkled bodice, which left just enough to the imagination, to whet the appetite of her attentive audience.
‘She didn’t just walk along here, she owned it!’ says Penny. ‘Oh, she was the life and soul of this place and lots more,so thank you so much for taking the time to pop by just like she hoped you would. I know it would have meant the world to her. She was a very special lady.’
Ben looks up at me and smiles, loving as always to hear nice things about Mabel. I put my arm around him protectively.
‘And she asked me to give you this, young man,’ Penny says, taking an envelope from a folder she’s been carrying throughout our tour. ‘She only kept a few of these in her dressing room and they were only given out to people she really thought deserved them. She asked me to give this to you, Ben. It’s the very last one we have.’
Ben stares at the autographed black and white photograph of Mabel, which is dated 1979. She wears a paisley head scarf, tied to the side with tumbling curls that sit on her shoulders, and her hand, delicately poised under her chin, is decorated with a chunky silver ring on each finger.
‘Wow, did she really want me to have this?’ asks Ben, touching the photo in surprise and awe. ‘This is awesome! Thanks, Penny.’
I read the writing that titles the glossy autographed picture, which says ‘Truly Mystifying – Mabel Murphy’. Her distinctive neat signature is written in a white space below the photo and I just know that Ben will treasure it for ever, as I will treasure the memory of being here this evening.
We say our goodbyes and, as I walk away from The Supper Club, I’m reminded of how mystifying Mabel wasand still is in many, many ways. It’s almost show-time for the new cast who will perform here this evening, but the ghost of Mabel Murphy still lingers, and her magic lives on in all of us.
‘I honestly wasn’t expecting to be called away again like that. I’m so sorry,’ Aidan tells me when he meets us back at our hotel later. He has time for a very quick drink with us before leaving us again, and I can’t hide my true feelings. New York has been wonderful so far, but not in the way I’d hoped it would be. We’ve only seen him for what seems like five minutes overall and he’s all set to get going again. ‘Now do you see what I mean about the pressure on me here? I’m sure John looked after you, though?’
‘John knows all the words toThe Lion King, even better than I do,’ chirps Ben. ‘He also knows even more about New York than I do, but I guess that’s because he lives here and I don’t. I know pretty much everything about Ballybray.’
‘We had a nice day, all things considered,’ I say to Aidan. I could say so much more, but I know I need to bite my tongue for now, especially in front of Ben. ‘You would have enjoyed it. I loved seeing where Mabel came from, but I suppose you’ve seen all that before.’
‘I have,’ says Aidan, gulping back his pint of beer and trying to hide the fact that he’s watching the time on his phone that sits on the table, constantly bleeping throughmessage after message. It makes me dizzy and just a little bit bitter at how different his life is here. I don’t like it at all.
‘Tell me about your wildest dreams, Roisin,’ he says to me when we get to our room after our drink in the hotel bar. He has to attend an event at 9.30 p.m., it’s already gone 8, so time is, as always since we got here, against us. We’ve had his company for an hour, and it has gone in a flash.
The lights in our suite are low, the flames dance on an electronic screen in the huge hearth, and Ben is back playing on the in-house entertainment system, having declared his undying love for New York, with Mabel’s photo proudly positioned on a cushion beside him.
‘You’re sounding a little bit like your old self at last, Mr Murphy,’ I joke in reply to Aidan, who pours me a glass of champagne in anticipation of my answer.
‘I’m not the same person when I’m here, Roisin,’ he says, his eyebrows furrowed in front of me. ‘It’s a very, very different way of life. Now you see why I can’t wait to get out of it.’
I nod, drunk on his presence and just wishing I could have more of the old him.
‘I understand, but to answer your question about my wildest dreams,’ I say, trying to stay in the moment, ‘I think Ben’s happiness will always come first to me, no matter what I do or where I go in life. I want to give him the lifeI never had – one full of warmth, stability, security and every opportunity I can possibly bring his way.’
Aidan smiles and raises an eyebrow.
‘You’re so selfless,’ he says to me, shaking his head a little. ‘But I mean foryou. What are your wildest dreams forRoisin? I know you want the best for Ben and from what I can see, you’re playing a blinder, but I’d love to know where your own heart lives. What are your own desires?’
I put my tongue in my cheek, then blow out a long breath and look around the room as I think again. Being a mother does make you selfless to a degree, I believe, at least it has done for me so far, but maybe it’s because I’m overcompensating for all I never had.
But what doIwant?
‘A house by the sea full of love?’ I joke.
‘And what else?’
I pause for thought.
‘I suppose a lot of what I want comes from what I want to give to Ben,’ I say, as honest as I can be for now. ‘I remember when I was about fourteen years old and I was being looked after by lovely foster parents called Janet and Michael on the south side of Dublin in a place called Dalkey Island … I had a very pretty bedroom, and from where I sat at night doing my homework, I could often hear the couple who were taking care of me laugh downstairs as they were cooking dinner.’
I don’t know why, but my eyes begin to fill up at the memory.
‘I only ever wanted a happy home life,’ I say, swallowing hard now to stop the emotion that threatens to choke me. ‘When I opened my window in that cosy little room I could hear the sounds of the sea, and it calmed all my fears and reminded me that I was never really alone. I’ve wanted to go back to that feeling all my life.’
Aidan bites his lip as he listens. I’m not sure what he was expecting, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t this.
‘I used to dream I had a brother or a cousin – anyone,’ says Aidan, and once again I get a glimmer of the man I was so close to for so long back in Ireland. ‘I pined for someone to share things with, so I know how you feel to want something so simple that everyone around you seems to have and take for granted. I just wanted a family. I wanted the simple things that money can’t buy.’
