‘Who are you?’ I call after her, not really knowing what to say, but she scurries off so quickly, leaving me standing there utterly confused. ‘You can’t just leave like this! Who are you and what’s the big secret about the Murphy brothers?’
She makes her way out of the Ladies, and I stand there, up against the wall, not knowing whether to follow her and make an almighty fuss, or to play things cool and see what we can find out next for ourselves.
I knew Mabel was sending us here for a reason. I knew there was more to it than a simple trip down memory lane or some crazy bonding exercise between me and Aidan, which has very much worked anyhow by the way! But what else could it be? I don’t want to alarm Aidan, but I do need to tell him what I heard, so I freshen up at the retro basinand go out to try to find the right moment to do so, but on my way back to him I go into the main bar and I leave my name and my phone number with the woman, assuring her that she can contact me anytime if she feels it’s the right time to talk.
The flurry of possibilities of what I overheard spins around within me and as we walk to the car by the pier, I have gone quiet, which Aidan notices. The wonder of who this lady might be has stuck with me, but Aidan seems on such a high that I don’t want to ruin his day by telling him something I really don’t know an awful lot about.
‘You’ve something on your mind, Roisin,’ he says, and I shiver a bit as the cool of the late afternoon gets under my skin. ‘Is it Ben?’
‘No, no, everything is fine with Ben,’ I say, trying to mask the weight that now sits on my shoulders. Do I tell him what I know or do I not? WhatdoI know? ‘The last I heard from Camille, they were toasting marshmallows by a campfire in true Boy Scout fashion. He’s having a whale of a time.’
‘And you?’ Aidan asks me. ‘Are you?’
Now that we don’t have the confinements of a table between us as we stand face to face outside with a breeze in our hair and the sun in our eyes, I want to reach across and touch him so badly. I want to hold him so much. I want to protect him from whatever this woman knows about his father.
‘I had a really, really lovely time with you here,’ I say as he looks at me in a way that makes me fear the hunger I have for him is mutual. ‘But I think there’s more to discover here in Breena, Aidan. I think we should come back here sometime soon and see.’
‘Really? What makes you say that?’ he asks, a slight touch of fear on his face that threatens to dampen the end of a wonderful day.
I take a deep breath, shake my head and smile, trying to convince myself that I’ve said enough for now. My gut instinct wants to protect him, to reveal what I know gently until I figure out more.
A truth left untold, I recall Mabel telling us in her message. Was sending us to Breena linked to that truth, whatever it could be?
‘I’m just saying it’s likely your dad and Peter had friends and more of a story here,’ I tell him quickly. ‘And it might be nice to try to discover that next time, just to deepen that connection and carry on his memory.’
‘Of course,’ he says when his eyes meet mine again. ‘Why am I not surprised you’d think of such a thing?’
My heart skips a beat when I feel Aidan take my hand and hold it before I get a chance to say any more.
My eyes move to meet his and he closes his eyes briefly as if he is trying to find the right words to say something that’s itching to get out.
I’ve told him, albeit in a roundabout way, that we shouldgo back and look up some of his dad’s old friends, should they exist, and that will include the lady I just met, whoever she might be, when the time is right. I’ve left contact details with the woman behind the bar, so I’ve done as much as I can without upsetting Aidan in any way.
I want to say more, but my hand is still in his and I don’t want him to let go.
‘Roisin,’ he says, rubbing his forehead with his other hand. ‘Look, I have to tell you something.’
‘I have to tell you something too,’ I say, not knowing if I should, but he places his finger on his lips and hushes me.
‘I’m sorry if this comes completely out of the blue,’ he says, ‘but I feel I have to say it to you and now, after our day together, it … maybe this is the right time.’
My eyes widen and I hold my breath for what is to come. I feel goose bumps rise on my arms and on the back of my neck at the simple touch of his hand and I automatically put my other hand on top of his as I hang on his every word.
I close my eyes too as a mixture of elation and fear runs through my insides – fear that I’m going to be told something I don’t want to hear, and elation at the idea of perhaps being able to tell him how I really feel when we’re together. And when I open my eyes I just nod at him as he smiles, trying to let him know what I’m thinking without saying a word.
‘You asked me earlier today about what a couple shouldhave to stay together,’ he says, biting his lip, ‘and when I was replying to your question, all of the things I said … Roisin, all of the things I said were about you.’
I try to respond, but I don’t want to interrupt his flow, plus I don’t think I’m even able to find the right words yet to reply.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close to anyone before like I do when I’m with you, Roisin,’ he tells me with a nervous smile that I can tell comes from deep within him. ‘The past months have made me feel like a new man and have been exactly what I needed. I think Mabel might have known it was what you may have needed too.’
I swallow hard, unable to disguise the way my eyes fill up and my skin tingles with the anticipation of knowing how he feels about me, but deep within me there’s a tug of guilt and the knowledge that nothing can ever come of this. I want it to so badly, but it can’t happen.
He leans across and holds me close in his strong arms, my head rests on his chest, and in this moment I realize at last just how powerful a hug can be. As I stand here entwined with Aidan, endorphins radiate within me and relieve the aches and pains of my past. It’s therapeutic, it’s magical, and when we finally let go, he tilts up my chin, I part my lips and he leans towards me once more, the warmth of his mouth filling me up so much that I rise closer to him, my hands reaching and clawing his shirt. I close my eyes and savour the taste of him for just a few seconds, thisfeeling that I’ve waited on for what seems like for ever taking all my fears away, if only for this moment, and if only for today. I wish I could stay in this wonderful moment.
‘We can’t do this, Aidan,’ I whisper, almost breathless under his spell. ‘I want to just as much as you do, but we can’t.’
‘We can, Roisin,’ he tells me. ‘Please trust me. We can.’
