‘I – I, um, stuck a pin in the map of Ireland and this is what I got,’ I told Mabel with a timid shrug. It was as much as I was giving her. ‘I know virtually nothing about this place, but I’ve a whole lifetime to see if we like it or not. I hope we do.’
Mabel threw her head back and heartily laughed at my response, which I didn’t really find to be that funny. It was the truth. It was as simple as that.
‘You stuck a pin in amap, darling?’ she howled. ‘Literally?’
‘Literally,’ I told her, shrugging again. ‘It was a hairpin actually, but the same concept, I suppose.’
Mabel came closer to the fence between us, waved me over towards her, and when I reached her, she took my face in her gloved hands and looked deep into my soul. She smelled of outdoors, of fresh air and of new beginningswith a hint of white musk, and although I wanted to pull away, deep, deep down I also wanted so badly for someone to understand my pain without me having to spell it out.
I stiffened up at first, but despite how much I fought against it, within seconds I melted a little under her kind touch and sincere eyes.
‘You and I, my dear,’ Mabel said with a beaming smile, ‘are going to get along just swimmingly!’
And with that gesture and her few simple words, I already felt some of my darkest worries disintegrate right then and there, even if I wasn’t ready yet to let my guard down or to let her in.
I don’t know ifIfound Donegal or if Donegal found me, but this move, I reckoned, was far enough to close the door on a time in my hometown of Dublin I’d rather forget about, and it was near enough to get us back there again if I took cold feet and changed my mind. I loved Dublin and always would, but life was going in the wrong direction for me there, and I had to make a choice. And that choice just happened to be Ballybray.
‘My name is Mabel Murphy and I’m a blow-in too,’ she told me, ‘in case the American accent fell on deaf ears. I’m from New York, but I was lucky enough to marry an Irish man who brought me here about ten years ago.’
She took off her glove to shake my hand formally across the picket fence, and then she glanced around as her voice dropped to a whisper even though there was no one elsewithin earshot except Ben to hear her, and he wasn’t even listening.
‘I have to warn you, though. They’re probably going to fear you as much as they feared me around here,’ she told me. ‘They don’t take to newcomers kindly, so I think we’d best stick together.’
‘Really?’
‘I’m kidding!’ she said, her beautiful face creasing as she giggled. ‘They are going to love you. It’s a wonderful place to live.’
My stomach churned and the wave of anxiety that had just punched me in the gut lingered at the very idea of being resented here, even if she was joking. I didn’t want anyone to fear me. I’d had enough fear in my old life.
‘I’m Roisin,’ I told her, trying to be mannerly despite my reluctance to become anything more than neighbour to this woman who was almost twice my age. ‘Roisin O’Connor, and this is my son, Ben. We’re hoping to make Ballybray our new home. A new start, whatever that means.’
I felt choked up at the very thought of it.
‘Well, you are very brave, Roisin O’Connor, to make a new start, and you are both so, so welcome!’ Mabel had gasped in delight, studying Ben now from head to toe, and then she smiled the most beautiful warm smile as if the very sight of him had filled her heart with joy.
I didn’t feel very brave back then, but I’d go on to hold those words from Mabel so tightly for many years to come.
‘I bet you’re about six years old, aren’t you, Ben?’ guessed Mabel, which impressed my precious son greatly. He lifted his head to listen now that she’d given him her full attention, and then looked up at me with widened eyes.
‘How did sheknowthat?’ he asked me, before turning to Mabel and smiling a toothy grin in return. ‘Are youmagic? How did youknowI was six?’
I was totally taken aback by his reaction but I ignored it and clasped his hand tightly. Ben hadn’t smiled like that in for ever. In fact, he usually cowered when adults spoke to him, especially people he didn’t know.
‘When you’ve lived for as long as I have, you get to know a lot of things. Almosteverythingin fact,’ Mabel whispered with a wink and a nod, and we’d soon find out she wasn’t exaggerating. ‘Now, go get settled into your new home and if you don’t think I’m being too pushy, I’ll call in for a cuppa when you’re ready. I’ll keep you two right around here. You don’t have to worry about a thing.’
Mabel always reminded me how she’d read me like a book the moment we met that day. She said she could see into my troubled soul, past the outgrown bangs, the heavy mascara and the wall of defence I’d built up around me and my son. She knew I was struggling. I believe that she knew me inside out from our very first conversation.
‘We have a lot to do,’ I told her, trying my best to be polite. ‘It’s nice to meet you.’
We left her to her weeding, then Ben and I lugged ourcases up the crooked pathway and turned the key in the creaky muddy green door, just the two of us, all alone in a big bad world as we took our first steps towards a new tomorrow. My hands shook as I battled with the front door key, and I bit my lip to fight back tears of absolute fear of the unknown.
‘You all right, honey?’ Mabel called, seeing how I was poking at the lock. ‘It’s been a while since that door has been opened!’
‘It’s OK, I got it!’ I called back, my voice shaking and my insides churning as I anticipated the new beginnings that lay inside.
Leave me alone old lady, I thought, even though I hadn’t the courage to say it out loud.Just get on with your gardening and leave me and my son alone.
The door creaked open and step one of our new life had begun.
