"I'm sorry I insulted you," he finally says. His words make me feel better. Not because he's admitting his wrongs, but because I'm getting my brother back, the Bradley who would never do anything to hurt me. When he turns his attention back to me, I can read sincerity on his face. "Sorry I lostcontrol. I should never have provoked him, much less hit him."
My spoon falls back onto the plate with a metallic clang.
"You started it?"
"I thought you knew..."
He looks even more guilty now.
"Why? What came over you?"
Bradley takes a deep breath before answering, "I wish I knew."
That makes two of us! I'm shocked that my brother is responsible for this altercation.
"He got kicked out of college because of you!"
My brother's mask of indifference crumbles before my eyes, and he rubs his cheek, sighing. "I didn't want that. I wasn't thinking, it was stronger than me. He said he was screwing you, and I lost it."
"You provoked him, what did you expect? That he'd just take it without reacting?"
Bradley shakes his head. Even if he's sincerely sorry, the one who loses the most in this situation is Player. My heart tightens. After all this, I'm certain he won't want anything to do with me.
Damn! Where has my dignity gone? I'm degrading myself, ready to beg for his attention when I've never been anything more than a hookup to him. A conquest he didn't even want to add to his list of trophies in the first place.
I'm pathetic.
Tears fill my eyes again. I feel worthless, like nothing. Maybe there was some truth when Bradley called me a slut? What woman would let herself get dragged into Player's bullshit without protesting? I dove in headfirst, but worse than that, I want more. Because I'm not sure I would have the strength to resist Player if he came back to me.
Thankfully he won't.
He was very clear about what I meant to him: nothing more than a challenge he won. I was entertainment for him, now it's all over.
I should feel relieved to be rid of this toxic relationship, but that's not the case. I just feel alone, empty, humiliated too.
And even though Bradley and I have reconciled, something has changed between us.
"I didn't need you to defend my honor."
"I know, Dixie Dix. You're the stronger one of us two."
I can see his sincerity in his eyes, but it doesn't lift my spirits.
When I return to campus, I feel like my life has spiraled out of control and it will take time to get it back on the right track.
32
PLAYER
My father wasserious when he told me I would spend several days in jail, as the clanking door behind me attests to. And honestly, I feel so low, with absolutely no control over my life, that I don't even resist when they bring me into the in-processing building.
"Take off your clothes," the guard orders me.
I stare at him without flinching. An urge to punch anything that moves rises inside me, and I have to fight not to give in to it. I'm aware that if I acted on it, I'd end up here for a long stretch, not just for a few days this time.
Seeing that I'm not obeying, the guard grabs my arm and pushes me into a small room, closing the door behind me. I notice a folded uniform on the small metal shelf that’s bolted into the concrete wall.
My father has a long reach, and not for the better. He has connections throughout the entire country, business and political. I'm not stupid, I know there are plenty of illegal arrangements in his life and that it's also part of his business. But damn, I'd like to stay out of it. And above all, I wish he would forget about me. Unfortunately for me, I'm his only son, so there's no chance he'll leave me alone.
