26
PLAYER
I wanted something different,and that's exactly what we got tonight. This break we spent together in the empty, dark stadium, with only shooting stars as witnesses, was unique.
You're caught like a rat, buddy!
My internal voice speaks up, and it doesn't pull any punches with me. I could almost believe Emery is telling it what to say to me. My best friend hasn't let up these past few weeks, but I haven't cracked, the relationship I have with Dixie is a secret I don't intend to spread around.
When we get back, the dorm is completely silent. I'm holding Dixie's hand in mine, and she's the one who breaks the contact. She places a light kiss on my lips before pulling away, but I hold her back and pull her against my body.
Her eyes widen in surprise. "Someone might see us!" she whispers.
There was never any talk about us being a real couple, but I never demanded we hide either.
You don't know what you want!
It's clear that my intentions are murky at best, even to myself.
I turn my attention back to Dixie and lean in to capture her lips. Our kiss quickly becomes more intense, yet tender too, and she's the one who finally breaks it off. She rests her forehead against mine, eyes closed, her voice just a whisper when she asks, "What do you expect from me?"
I swallow, my mind in disarray. I don't expect anything from her, but is she ready to hear that?
What's suddenly gotten into me that I'm worrying about her feelings? This relationship is drifting toward a minefield I don't want to cross, yet I'm unable to pull away from her. Her scent envelops me and I feel good.
Yes, Dixie has that effect on me. When I'm with her, I feel understood.
She opens her eyes and meets mine. I'd swear she's trying to read my thoughts, but I'm not clear on them myself, so what could she possibly understand?
Dixie finally steps away from me, and I let her, too lost in my personal turmoil. I often feel like everything inside me calms down when I'm with Dixie, but not tonight. Right now, I'm caught in a whirlwind threatening to overwhelm me.
Damn! This is exactly what I refused to feel!
"Good night," she finally says.
She turns on her heel and heads towards her room. The simple fact that she could leave me alone crushes my chest.
"Sleep with me."
My words hang in the air, and Dixie freezes without turning around.
"All night," I add.
I don't know where this request came from, but I really don't want to be alone. Dixie doesn't answer, doesn't turn to face me, and I approach her before placing my hands on her shoulders. I can't add anything more, but I can use the assets I have to make her accept.
I brush her hair away from her neck before leaning toward her and placing my lips below her ear. I suck on her skin, breathe in her scent while my hands take possession of her hips. I feel her shiver when I nibble her earlobe, and I can't hold back a victorious smile.
Slowly, I turn her to face me. Her eyes dive into mine.
"Are you sure?" she asks me. "I don't want you to kick me out like..."
She doesn't finish her sentence, but I know she's talking about our first time. A wave of guilt washes over me as I think about my behavior that night, but I quickly push it away. The past is the past; there's nothing I can do to change things.
"I want you to spend the whole night with me, Dixie."
She stares at me for another moment, and I see doubt hovering over her beautiful face, but I don't argue further. As much as I want her to accept, I'm not in the habit of begging for favors from my conquests, nor sleeping with them, for that matter.
Is that what she is to you, just another conquest?
