“Not yet,” Cameron mumbled under his breath, then added at a regular volume, “As long as you don’t hog all the hot water like usual.”
Stepping into the shower, he wrapped his arms around Asher’s waist and molded himself to his back. God, he was so warm, his skin so soft against Cameron’s cheek. Until that moment, he hadn’t realized how much he needed the contact, and a contented sigh bubbled up through his lips as he nuzzled against Asher’s shoulder.
Unfortunately, he was so lost in his own wants and desires he didn’t immediately realize that Asher had gone completely still. He hadn’t noticed that the chiseled abs beneath his palm had tightened, or that the lack of movement in Asher’s shoulders meant he’d stopped breathing.
~
Logically, Asher knew thearms surrounding him belonged to Cameron. He knew the tight, lean body pressed against his back almost as well as he knew his own. The fingers that danced over his stomach were gentle and loving, not harsh or demanding.
Heknew, but it didn’t matter.
He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. When Cameron’s lips ghosted across his nape, he shuddered. Memories assaulted him once again, unbidden, unwanted. He remembered another set of lips, thin and dry, brushing over his skin as they whispered beautiful lies.
“Shit.”
The voice in his ear wasn’t the one he’d expected to hear. Asher jerked at the sound of it as air rushed from his lungs in a nearly silent gasp.
“I’m sorry.” The arms around his waist loosened, and the warmth at his back vanished. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
Asher didn’t want to think anymore, either. He didn’t want to remember the things he remembered. He didn’t want to worry about the next week, the next day, or even the next hour.
He just wanted to turn his mind off andfeel.
Spinning around, he grabbed Cameron’s face, pushing him roughly against the shower wall as he slanted their mouths together. The kiss was sloppy and unskilled, borne of desperation and a savage, selfish need to purge himself of the past.
Leaning more heavily against him, holding him immobile, he plunged his tongue between Cameron’s lips, hard and searching. He didn’t know exactly what the question was, only that Cameron Stone was the answer. Yet, he wasn’t soothed this time. The anxiety didn’t abate. He kissed him harder, almost painfully, but his heart still raced, and his mind still spun with uninvited thoughts.
Frustrated, he tore his mouth away and dropped his brow to the smooth stones beside Cameron’s head, hating himself for…well, everything. He hated that he’d dragged Cameron into this clusterfuck. Hated that he was too weak towalk away, even when he knew he should. He hated the mockery of a kiss they’d just shared, and he fuckingloathedhimself for thinking he could use Cameron as a goddamn distraction in the first place.
A gentle hand pressed against the side of his face, urging his head around until his gaze locked with a pair of intense blue eyes. Without saying a word, Cameron slid his hand from Asher’s face to his arm and steered him toward the built-in granite bench on the adjacent wall.
“Cameron, I—”
“Hush.” Taking the shampoo from the corner shelf, he poured some into his palm, then began working it through Asher’s wet hair. “Let me take care of you for a little bit.”
Asher didn’t need someone to take care of him. He didn’t need to be coddled or cajoled like a child. He’d been looking out for himself for a long time—thank you very fucking much—and sure, he’d had a momentary loss of control, but he wasfine.
The words were on the tip of his tongue, the impulse to lash out so close to the surface he could taste it, but he bit it back and took deep breaths through his nose. None of this was Cameron’s fault, and he deserved a hell of a lot better than some asshole taking out his bad mood on him.
“I already told you I’m not going anywhere,” Cameron said, his nimble fingers massaging Asher’s scalp from temples to nape.
For a moment, Asher thought he’d completely lost hold of reality and had given voice to his uncharitable thoughts. “I didn’t—”
“No, you didn’t. Not out loud, but I know you want to.” He retrieved the hand-held shower attachment, then moved closer, insinuating himself between Asher’s splayed legs so he could rinse the suds from his hair. “Your first instinct is always to push me away, tell me to leave. You can if you want, but I just wanted to remind you that it won’t work.”
A lump formed in Asher’s throat, and his vision blurred, his eyes prickling at the corners. God, he didn’t deserve this man. He’d known it from the moment they’d met, but selfishly, he’d pursued him anyway. If he had even a shred of decency, he’d end things right there before he ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him.
But he couldn’t do it.
He was too selfish, and he needed Cameron too damn much.
Gripping Cameron’s hips, he tugged him closer, bowing his head so that his brow rested in the center of Cameron’s chest. “I don’t want you to leave.” He brushed his lips over the soft skin, inching his way toward one of the pebbled nipples. “You know that, right?”
“Yes,” Cameron gasped, arching against him. “I know.”
The doubt and uncertainty, the fear and frustration all seemed to coalesce into an emotion he finally understood. Lust.
“Stay with me.” He scraped his teeth over Cameron’s erect nipple. “I need you to stay with me.”
