Yes, he lashed out when he was overwhelmed, but the only person he ended up hurting was himself. When bad things happened, even things beyond his control, he internalized, turned inward to assign the blame.
He had also spent most of his life with one foot out the door, always guarding a part of himself he refused to let other people see. Cameron really couldn’t blame him when so many people had let him down and hurt him. Luke had managed to worm his way in through sheer persistence, but until recently, he had been the exception.
Then, Cameron had come along. What Asher had seen in him, why he’d taken a chance on him, Cameron didn’t know, but it couldn’t have been an easy decision. While he wouldn’t go so far as to say AshertrustedNatalie or Nico or any of Cameron’s other friends, he had let them in to a degree, let them close.
For someone so reluctant to care about anyone, it had to be overwhelming.
“He’s scared,” Nico finished for him, just as Cameron came to the same conclusion. There was a surprising amount of sympathy in his tone. “He spent years trying to outrun bad memories. Then, that dark, ugly past shows up and knocks him down.”
First with Kyle, then his parents. At least with Kyle, there had been some degree of separation. Kyler Anders merely represented a time in his life Asher wanted to forget. His parents, however, weren’t just a reminder. They were the actual cause of most of his pain.
Cameron sighed. “I just want to help him.”
“I know. He knows that, too.” Nico set his water bottle down on the end table with an echoed sigh. “He’s notgoing to change overnight, Cameron. He’s spent years building these walls around himself, and you can’t expect them to come tumbling down all at once.” His gaze softened, even as he shook his head. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re completely overreacting.”
Of course, Cameron immediately wanted to deny doing any such thing. It was exhausting caring about someone who was so determined to push him away. He felt entitled to a bit of self-pity.
“He asked you for some time. That’s all. Just some time.”
Cameron fought the urge to squirm under Nico’s disapproving glare. So, maybe he was right. Maybe Cameron was reading too much into the argument. Hell, he didn’t even know if he could call it an argument. It had barely been a disagreement. He wasn’t angry or even upset about the things that had been said. He was just disappointed and frustrated that he hadn’t known how to remedy the situation.
“If he had just talked to me instead of—”
“Cameron,” Nico interrupted. “This isn’t about you.”
Well, that stung.
Mostly, because Cameron realized the truth in the words. In his need to control everything, to make right what had been wronged, he hadn’t listened to what Asher wanted. He hadn’t paused to consider that maybe Asher really did just need some time to process and regroup. Yes,he’d given him the space he’d requested, but he’d done so grudgingly. Then, he’d spent two days sulking about it.
Cameron dropped his face into his hands and groaned.
He couldn’t begin to imagine what Asher was going through or how he felt. Intellectually, he had a good idea of the emotions involved, but he had no reference for it, no experience. He couldn’t relate to it. Instead of offering comfort or support, he’d just wanted to “fix” it. Fix Asher.
More than once, he’d promised to be there for him, to weather this storm with him. Yet, the first time he was tested, he’d acted like a petulant toddler who had lost his favorite toy. Really mature.
“I suck.”
Nico’s laughter filled the room. “Maybe a little, but that’s okay. Just like it’s okay that Asher’s a little broken.” He shrugged. “We’re all kind of fucked up in our own way.” Settling back in his chair again, he pointed to Cameron’s phone. “Call him. Or text him. Whatever, I don’t care, but do something before you drive me crazy.”
Cameron snatched his phone off the coffee table and unlocked the screen before Nico had finished speaking. Instead of bringing up Asher’s contact information, however, he scrolled farther down his list of text conversations. Once he’d found the name he’d been searching for, he paused and looked up at his friend.
“Thank you.”
Nico nodded. “Now, don’t screw it up.”
~
Sitting in his breakfastnook, Asher watched the rain pelt against the windows and took a long pull of whiskey straight from the bottle.
He hadn’t called.
He’d wanted to call. He’d picked up his phone a dozen times, only to set it back down. What would he even say?Sorry I’m so screwed up? Sorry I acted like an ass?It was a start, but it wouldn’t actually change anything.
“Okay, I think that’s about enough of that.” Sweeping into the kitchen, Luke marched straight up to him and grabbed the bottle out of his hand. “Jesus, Asher!” He held the half-empty bottle up to the gray sunlight spilling through the window. “It’s not even noon, you uncultured swine.”
Asher glared at him. It wasn’t like he’d polished off half the bottle just that morning. He’d cracked it open the previous night, and not liking to leave things unfinished, he’d picked it back up after a few fitful hours of sleep.
“What are you doing here?”
