“Are you still laughing at me?” Grant pushed the picnic basket aside, making more room on the faded plaid blanket.
“Six? Really?” Eliza giggled again, the giddiness bubbling out of her uncontrollably. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so… happy.
“Hey! That’s not bad considering I don’t skip a lot of rocks in San Francisco.” Even in his protest, Grant’s words carried a teasing, playful lilt that sent Eliza’s heart soaring higher than the flock of sparrows overhead.
Grant sprawled out on the blanket, tucking his arms behind his head for support. But not before tugging Eliza’s elbow to join him.
Her breath came in short, fast spurts as she settled beside him, being careful not to lie too close. Already the heat between them made her cardigan unnecessary. Skin-on-skin contact would put her over the edge, for sure.
Silently, they stared up at the sky as gold diffused to pink, followed by indigo; wispy clouds trailed past them, led by a gentle breeze.
Eliza closed her eyes, reveling in how the wind still carried the same scent of evening primrose and pine like the last time they’d visited this very spot. Or was the air sweeter?
The soothing chirp of crickets celebrating the onset of dusk threatened to lull Eliza to sleep. But even her most vivid dream couldn’t compare to the sensations surrounding her. And she didn’t want to miss a single whisper of wind or croak of a bullfrog.
“Lizzy,” Grant murmured, his voice low and gravelly. “Can I ask you something?”
“Mm-hmm….”
“Why do you call Ben ‘Bug’?”
Eliza’s eyes fluttered open, the coveted moment shattered by her complicated reality. Eliza loved Ben more than anything in the world. But he’d forever be a reminder of the life she longed for, forever out of reach.
Shifting on the soft cotton blanket, she kept her gaze fixed on the sky. With the sun now hidden, a chill rippled through her.
“When I saw my first ultrasound,” Eliza started, picking at a blade of grass, “I told the technician that Ben looked like a tiny bug on the screen. It sounds silly now, but I was nervous, desperate for something to say. I’d never been more terrified in all my life. And strangely, I’d never felt more alone.”
Grant stirred, his hand finding hers.
Eliza didn’t pull away, relishing the comforting connection of their entwined fingers. “At that point, I still hadn’t decided on a name, so I wound up calling him Bug for nine whole months. I guess it stuck.”
“How’d you finally decide on Ben?”
“Benjamin. My grandfather’s name and my dad’s middle name. I ultimately settled on family tradition. Go figure,” Eliza laughed softly.
“So, what’s Ben’s middle name, then?”
Shifting position, Eliza slipped her hand from Grant’s, wariness worming its way around her heart. “Why all the questions?” She stole a sideways glance in his direction, grateful for the concealing shadows of twilight.
“You have a child, Lizzy. He’s a part of you. Is it so weird that I’d like to get to know him?”
Eliza’s heartbeat fluttered at the earnestness in Grant’s tone. Oh, how she’d longed for and feared this moment.
“Okay, one last question….” Grant rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow.
Her pulse quickening, Eliza shut her eyes again, squeezing them tightly as though she could block out the world.
“Did you love him?”
Eliza’s breath slowed, stalling in her throat.
When she didn’t answer, Grant added, “Ben’s father, I mean. Did you love him?”
Even with her eyes closed, Eliza felt Grant watching her, waiting for her response.
But what could she say?
He’d asked for an answer she simply couldn’t give him.
