Bridget
*sigh* fine.
Will
Wow. You caved easily haha
Bridget
I mean, it is pretty bananas. So buckle up buttercup.
Will
*clicks seatbelt*
I snortas I fluff my pillows, getting cozier before I hit him with my first and last app dating story:
Bridget
I swiped right on this one guy my very first time using the app. Seemed innocent enough—very guy next door, nothing threatening about the way he looked in his pictures. Five seconds into our conversation, he asked to see a picture of my pussy.
Will
Jesus. I’m opening my fourth bottle of beer after that. I’m sorry on behalf of all men.
What did you do?
Bridget
I sent him a picture of Ginger, just like he asked. LOL. He called me a bitch and a tease even though it was literally our first time talking and I never hinted at anything sexual. Then he blocked me. Needless to say I haven’t been on another dating app since.
Will
Jesus. I don’t blame you.
Bridget
Tho I feel like dating apps have nothing to do with my luck with guys, honestly. I met my most recent ex organically through friends we had in common and he turned out to be a grifter who ruined my life
So
Will
Fantastic. We’re gonna have to circle back to that whole “grifter who ruined my life thing,” tho
Bridget
Wow, ok. I can’t believe you used “circle back” in one of our conversations. You really did have a long day at the office, didn’t you? Too much corporate lingo for one day?
Next thing you know you’re going to tell me we should “sidebar” this conversation before “double-clicking into it” further.
Will
Fuck, I can’t even control myself anymore. I need to get out of this hellhole.
If I ever use the word “synergy” in a sentence, please shoot me. That would be the last straw. It would make things official: I’d be a corporate robot.
The logical partof me knows this would be a great opportunity to ask why he hates work so much. Or why he keeps dodging the question of how he needs to stick it out a little longer and can’t leave now. But there’s a louder part of my brain (or maybe it’s my heart?) that needs to have this conversation:
