“Dating Roger at least taught me what Idon’twant in a relationship: a liar and a criminal?—”
“Way to set the bar super high,” Molly deadpans.
“And I’ve neverdislikedpeople in my family, necessarily. They’ve just historically… not been good to me. Except for Gran, of course.” I close my eyes and shake my head, not wanting to let thoughts of Mom ruin what started off as a great day. The hurt is inevitably followed by guilt, because I know Mom had her own demons to fight since her mental health problems were left untreated. She couldn’t help who she was or how she acted, and I was too young to find access to the right care. But even Gran couldn’t do anything, she’d told me. For years, she’d tried to get Mom to go to doctors, put her in a hospital. Nothing stuck, though.
When Mom died, I went to live at Gran’s which left me feeling both depressed and relieved at the same time. My mother was gone, but I was finally in a living situation where I didn’t have to be scared 24/7.
“I only met my mom’s brother a couple of times and he was whatever. And I don’t know who my father is,” I go on. “So there’s hope that, if I ever meet him, he could be a nice guy.”
Molly scoffs. “Doesn’t the fact that he also disappeared into the night negate the possibility of that?”
“We don’t know that. My mom was the one who said he ran away when he found out she was pregnant, but who’s to say with her? She was unstable and unreliable. Maybe he doesn’t even know I exist, you know? What if she never even told him? Or what if she never even knew who he was?” Molly looks at me with a sympathetic expression, like she wants to reach over the table and hug me. “Oh, stop it,” I tell her.
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me like I’m some sad three-legged puppy in a shelter that you want to adopt. I’m totally fine.”
“But youarea three-legged puppy in a shelter—or at least the human equivalent.”
“I highly resent that. Roger leaving turned out to be a good thing. Especially for Ginger, who hated him and resented having to share a bed with him. I lead a fantastic life now.” I say it with my whole chest because I believe it to be true. I’ve never been more mentally exhausted, but it’s a good thing. Every day I’m being challenged, working in a difficult environment—absolutely—but one that will take me places so long as I keep going.
“You live in a pest-infested shoe box where you sleep on a shitty Murphy bed, work at a demanding, low-paying job, and have been fucked over by too many people close to you.”
I mean, she’s not wrong.But…
“First of all, you were the one who found me this place?—”
“Because you had no other choice.”
“—and Murphy beds arefun. They’re basically magic: they come out of a closet, so I don’t have to make my bed every day because I can just put it away. Outta sight, outta mind. And my apartment is no longer pest-infested thanks to some basic insect repellant and Ginger’s hunting abilities—seriously, you should see that cat kill a water bug. She’s a pro. And as for the job? Sure, it doesn’t pay much. But I’m positive once they see how hard I’m working and how well I’m doing, they’ll reward me for it.”
Molly bursts out laughing and pats my hand. “Oh, sweet, innocent, sunshine child of mine. You think the world of fashion is that simple? Nuh-uh. But I envy your positive energy. I just don’t want you to get hung up on this false sense of hope or toxic positivity. Yes, I love that you love your job and you’re doing your best to, quote,look at the bright side of things. But don’t let that deter you from taking chances or asking for more. Don’t let yourself just accept how things are with a smile and a good attitude—you deserve better.”
I look down at my salad and spear some more of it before stuffing my face. “Thanks,” I say, mouth full. “But I got this.”
I understand where Molly is coming from—I do. But after the life I’ve had, I can’t let myself sit in stress for too long without doing my best to get something good out of it. Which is why I want to be careful with the whole Will situation. What we have is an odd friendship or dynamic. Something delicate that I’m not sure I’m ready for Molly to know about just yet. I’m notscared; I’m just trying to protect thisonething.
When I get back to my desk, I see I have another message from Will:
Will
Did you stop replying because you thought my brilliant goat puns were baaaaad?
“Oh my god.”
I giggle and I hit reply.
WILL
She’s brought him back to life.
5
DID WE TAKE IT TOO FAR?
Balancing my bags, I manage to open my apartment door after an interminable day at work. Ginger greets me at the door, but with a glare this time.
Meowww.
