“Fucked! Fucked!” Leo parrots as he plays with his blocks on the floor in front of me.
Shit, Danielle is gonna kill me.
MOM INVITEDMatt to stay over so he wouldn’t have to drive back to the city alone at night (he had a packed weekender in the trunk of his car, so it was no big deal), and I was really excited to use that time to get to know him better. But after spending an incredible afternoon with Matt at the farm, he proceeded to ignore me most of the night, speaking to me only when necessary.“Pass the risotto, please.” “You dropped your napkin.” “Can I use the shower now?”
The frustration and confusion from last night made it really difficult for me to sleep soundly, leading me to wake up when it was still dark out.
Despite the freezing temperatures, I decide to go for a run early this morning, seeing as though it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting any more sleep today. I bundle up and run all the way down to the wharf, take a break, and make it back all before six am. Considering how long it’s been since I’ve been out for a run, I think I did pretty well.
The exercise gave me some time to mull over everything that happened last night, which has left me incredibly confused. I don’t know what happened yesterday after the pumpkin patch. I mean, I thought he would ask me out later or at least keep flirting with me a little, but to completely ignore me?
It left me reeling, wondering whether every single dating instinct I had was faulty. I mean, they did lead me to Jeremy, after all.
Maybe it’s just time for me to come to terms with the fact that I am just not good at dating. Period.
I should give up, just never go on a date again.
I daydream about what that would mean for my life, the amount of free time I would have. I wouldn’t have to worry about texting the right thing to a guy, doing my make-up, dressing cute, or God,shaving my legs. It could be winter all year round as far as my legs are concerned, if you know what I mean.
Determined to give up on dating for the rest of my life, I walk into the dark kitchen after my run to get a bottle of water. Panting from exhaustion, I jump about twenty feet in the air at the sight of Matt seated at the kitchen table on his phone.
“Jesus!” I gasp, terrified. “You scared me!” My hand is on my chest, grasping a boob as if whoever I thought was there was gonna steal it. I drop my handimmediatelyafter realizing my indiscretion but not before he notices with a smirk.
“Shhh!” He puts his finger to his lips. “You’re gonna wake everyone up,” he whispers and chuckles at my expression.
“I think you just took about five years off my life,” I say quietly, taking a seat opposite him, trying to catch my breath.
Matt smiles at me and wordlessly gets up to go to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water. He hands it to me and sits back down, crossing his arms in front of him.
He got me water, and I didn’t even ask.
“Thanks,” I say, trying to control my goofy smile by biting my lip and failing.
I suddenly feel extremely self-conscious.Jesus. I’m a sweaty, makeup-less, frizzy-haired, morning breath mess. Not exactly my most seductive look.
I chug the water, hoping it helps dispel some of the rank currently living and breathing in my mouth.
He chuckles and groans, running his fingers through his super-sexy bed hair.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He stares at me for a moment with a soft smile on his lips. “Nothing.” He shakes his head. “It’s fine. Just a little frustrated, is all.” He quirks half his mouth up and half down, like he can’t decide whether to grin or frown.
I don’t know why, but that little admission sends shivers down my spine.
I shrug, take another sip of my water, and ask what he’s doing up so early.
“I had an emergency call from a patient.” He waves his phone in his hand.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say. Honestly, I don’t know how doctors and other healthcare workers do it. Even when they’re not on-call, they have to be on-call. You truly have to have a calling in order to be able to survive. In my opinion, it needs to be your passion.
“No, it’s cool,” Matt says. “My patient will be fine, thankfully. What about you? Why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d take advantage of my insomnia and work out for the first time in months,” I say with a shrug.
He laughs, his dark eyes shining despite the early morning darkness.
We’re quiet as we stare at each other over the table, never breaking eye contact. I want to swim in the dark-green waters of his eyes, dive into them and never come up. His eyes are low-lidded as he twirls his phone in his hand, and I dream about those fingers on me, about rubbing my face over his beard, dream about running my hands all over his body, ripping his t-shirt off, straddling him right here, right now.
